Walking Away: Pregnancy, Deppresion and Weight Loss

[DeeBuck]

In January I was 298 pounds and eight months pregnant. After the birth of my beautiful baby girl I was diagnosed with postpardum psychosis.(no I don't want to harm my baby so sick of people asking that sorry)I was having horrible hallucinations that everyone was trying to harm my little girl. (these have not gone away but are "less intense" and I am better able to deal with them) I was admitted to hospitial and was medicated (safe to continue breast feeding) I have been seeing a doctor on a regular basis. I have situation triggered hallucinations that other people are trying to harm my DD so I respond by trying to stop people from harming her. Even though they are not really trying to hurt her.

In SDM the other day, I am in line playing peek with DD when the person in line behind me reaches around me and grabs DD foot, now that may seem harmless, but what I saw when he touched her was: that he was going to hold her with that hand and stab her with the knife in his other hand (he did not really have a knife that was a hallucination) So I truned around and socked him.

Now I now that was wrong but it all happened so fast I did not have time to process that he was not a threat. Aways he wanted to press charges so the police came, but did not charge me because he did touch my DD first. But still it was pretty messed up and embaressing for me. I wish people would just stop touching her, because that is the only time I can't control it. If I know someone is gonig to touch her I can calm my self down and self talk and even let people hold her (under certian conditions). I just wish strangers would stop touching her.

Anyways the Doctors assure me I will return to myself, but right now its just hard. I feel so guilty because I am not right and I have even lost friends because they think I am a danger to my child and theres. I have never harmed my child or anyone elses and have never had a hallucination about a child, they are non threatening and would not harm DD. But some people just dont understand.

My big worry with my new antipsychotic meds are that they increase your bad cholesterol and cause weight gain, (I wam already over weight).

So I decided to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can. I have been walking everyday, using coupons to eat healthier foods at a cheaper price and learning to love who I am.

As of today I am down 57 pounds and walking is turning into a slow jogging and walking mix.

I though I would share my story to help me, to educate people (don't touch a strangers baby because you never know what is going on with them) and maybe this will help someone else going threw a tough time.

Thanks for reading
-Dee

[nothingfancy]

OMGosh. I am so sorry you are going through this. It's always something you hear about, but never think could happen. I cannot even begin to imagine how you are feeling. On a very happy note, congratulations on the 57lb. weight loss. Take things one step at a time. There's no sense in worrying about any weight gain with the meds, because without the meds you are not yourself. Like you said, accept the things you cannot change. Channel your energy into getting well for you and your family. Thank-you for sharing.

[beckyrobinson1]

I can sort of relate, it was great to hear your story. Thanks for sharing.

[bargain_hunter_lola]

Thanks for sharing your story! I agree others should really think twice before touching someone else's child.

Congrats on your weight loss, 57 pounds is great!

[couponandoff]

Very thought provoking - I can relate to your struggle - I wish the warmth of the sun to ease your fears. You will overcome all this - I can feel it!!! Keep walking!