Baby Guilt

[vibrantflame]

*hug* I've been there. My boys are 2 and 4 and the guilty thoughts still creep in if I allow them to. I completely agree with everyone else's advice here. The first few months are hard and hectic (but wonderful too). I wouldn't worry about how he's developing, it's so hard to even tell at that age, and when milestones are reached are hardly ever an indicator of anything at young ages.

Personally, I spent a lot more one-on-one time with my oldest when he was a baby then my youngest, yet my oldest was slower to reach certain milestones then his brother. I mean, I think tummy time and developmental toys have their place, but I think they will develop at their own pace regardless, and it's more important for them to be happy and YOU to be happy then it is for them to have lot's of toys and stuff.

[Minou]

Relax. The needs are pretty basic with babies. Follow the baby's lead.

[ashokia]

Wow, now I feel guilty that you feel guilty about something you shouldn't feel guilty about when half the time with my DS I wanted to chuck him off the balcony at times!!

I think everyone feels guilty/overwhelmed/stupid/bullied with their first born. We are being told five million different 'right' ways to raise our babies by our mothers, grandmothers, mothers-in-law, grandmothers-in-law, aunts, cousins, doctors, sisters, brothers, friends, strangers! How could we not feel any of those emotions?!

I take it one day at a time now. I always meet his basic needs and if I am able, I try to work on other things. Some days I am so tired I can't think about tummy time or play time or story time, it's all I can do just to get out of bed!

I am constantly terrified that something I do will somehow twenty years from now affect what my son will look like, act like, do for a living. I google obsessively about milestones, rashes, coughs, runny noses, temperatures, organic baby food, breast feeding, common causes of infant death! Just the other day I read an article about a bunch of cribs being recalled and saw a picture of a doll caught between the crib and the mattress and now I can't sleep because I'm up checking every ten minutes to make sure he's still safely asleep and not smothering against the mattress.

It's a horrible way to live, and I can tell myself to relax til I'm blue in the face, but I don't think I'll calm down completely for another couple of years! LOL.

[shejayd]

I feel your pain, my son was preterm and we had a specialist come and do a study of him every month until he turned one, and he never reached the milestones they wanted him too, but by 3 months he grasped things, 4months he rolled over and sat up, 8 months he crawled and by 11 months he walked. At 2 yrs and 1 month he started talking and now at 3yr and 2 months he is so intelligent and smart and bright and funny. There is really no concern, they learn at their own pace. Don't be so hard on yourself every mom feels the same way.

[Darth Penguin]

Wow, now I feel guilty that you feel guilty about something you shouldn't feel guilty about when half the time with my DS I wanted to chuck him off the balcony at times!!

I shouldn't laugh...but I sooo know the feeling... I was 34 with my first..and all the books , internet, nurses..and stuff...

and all I wanted was a 1 minute pee break ....alone...

being a first time parent is hard...having outsiders judge you by their standards is harder...

But unless you are neglecting your child ..seriously neglecting your child...they all grow up to be worthwhile people..

[krysta lynne]

i had my first at nineteen and i had no clue what i was doing, but she turned out to be one of the smartest kids i know.

my second who i had at 25 is a lot more needy than jade ever was, but in terms of development, he is much slower than she was. at first their father was worried because he was not saying anything, but then in the past couple of months he just started talking like crazy.

so every kid does indeed go at their own pace, worrying wont help. just go day by day.

[mdutka]

I am constantly terrified that something I do will somehow twenty years from now affect what my son will look like, act like, do for a living. I google obsessively about milestones, rashes, coughs, runny noses, temperatures, organic baby food, breast feeding, common causes of infant death! Just the other day I read an article about a bunch of cribs being recalled and saw a picture of a doll caught between the crib and the mattress and now I can't sleep because I'm up checking every ten minutes to make sure he's still safely asleep and not smothering against the mattress.

i hear you on the constant paranoia thing. my stairwell from the upstairs to downstairs only has a half wall so you can look down to the living room from the upstairs hallway. i have had multiple nightmares where one of my boys lifts up the other boy to look over the edge and he falls to his death. i put a gate between their bedrooms and that hallway because i was too scared to let them play freely there.

but ya, being a new mom today has got to be one of the most difficult things. give him some food, make sure he isnt dirty for too long and love him like crazy (oh and MAKE time for yourself.)

my friend told me when i was pregnant with my first that when you take your new baby home from the hospital you also take a big bag of guilt with you!

[juniperjune]

[QUOTE=ashokia;4360198]Wow, now I feel guilty that you feel guilty about something you shouldn't feel guilty about when half the time with my DS I wanted to chuck him off the balcony at times!!

I agree! I have been there. The guilt of others expectations can eat you up. My son was always in the 5th percentile. We are small, leprechaun like people on both sides. Of course our kids will not be 6 feet tall! But still I beat myself up over it. I should check against the average person in Ireland, not North America! LOL

[AmberLab]

Breathe! If your baby is fed, dry and healthy, you are doing fine. Forget books, they are being very general; follow your mama gut instinct.

And milestones will come at all ages, on a child's own time. An example...my 1 1/2 year old can put a 3 word sentence together and my eldest didn't do that until he was well over 2 years old. The milestone happened, but at different times for each boy.

Breathe! You child is very lucky to have a mother who is overly worried, BTW.