I Really Need to VENT!

[Speckled28]

If you have to do this I agree with the comments about assigning things......making sure that EVERYONE who comes brings something to contribute. You can either tell them what you need or just tell them they need to bring something. If you're worried about not having something show up, make a roster so speak....or have everyone call and tell you or your MIL what they're bringing......that way if someone shows up without it everyone will know that person just couldn't be bothered and it will reflect badly on them. Maybe you and your hubby can plan something small to celebrate as a family with your son afterwards or the next day......a nice movie, or one of those cute bunny cakes.....something for just the 3 of you that'll help you relax after the "traditional" celebration.

Family members can stink. I don't have any inlaws yet but my dads family is horrendous! We actually just received a phone call last night asking if we were attending a relatives funeral today. Fine and dandy, except out of his billions of brothers and sisters no one had actually ever called to tell us the relative had passed away!!! Ugh! I always say that my dads parents could pass away and we'd find out a week or two later :S

Best of luck with everything!! We'll all be sending you warm, non homicidal thoughts for Easter! lol

[Darth Penguin]

If you have to do this I agree with the comments about assigning things......making sure that EVERYONE who comes brings something to contribute. You can either tell them what you need or just tell them they need to bring something. If you're worried about not having something show up, make a roster so speak....or have everyone call and tell you or your MIL what they're bringing......that way if someone shows up without it everyone will know that person just couldn't be bothered and it will reflect badly on them.

TBH, if ashokia wants to do it this way, she should cut out her MIL and talk directly to the family members since I have the feeeling that NSDMIL will not pass on any messages but will miraclously be able to host Easter at her house while tutting at how dis-organised ashokia is/ has become...

Been bitten in the butt by that one...

[Speckled28]

TBH, if ashokia wants to do it this way, she should cut out her MIL and talk directly to the family members since I have the feeeling that NSDMIL will not pass on any messages but will miraclously be able to host Easter at her house while tutting at how dis-organised ashokia is/ has become...

Been bitten in the butt by that one...

Yick......makes me happy I don't have a MIL yet!! lol. Maybe I'll luck out and get a good one........a girl can dream! lol

[Darth Penguin]

If you're prepared to wait , my DS is 7....I promise to try and b e a good MIL

[DianneS]

We have a "system" in our family that has worked well for a number of years for Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and other big events. The person who is hosting cooks the turkey (or other meat) and does the gravy. S/he phones everyone else who is attending and assigns them an item (or two) to bring. We recognize that getting the house ready for company, cooking the turkey (or ham, roast) and then inevitably having extra clean-up afterwards is enough for one person. We all enjoy family dinners more this way and no one feels taken advantage of. We also rotate events from home to home so that no one has to do all the hosting. We are certainly not a perfect family, but we can at least say that no one has to work like a slave for two days and then end up not even enjoying the meal or the company.

[Darth Penguin]

Sounds like a good system Dianne.

[c_mcarthur]

I literally hate family get togethers...
so much stress trying to juggle everyone over one holiday.
my side of the family is a little off the wall while DB's family is very normal and accomidating.
DB's side is so laid back when it comes to get togethers they always leave it to the last minute to make up their minds when they want us to visit.
Since we dont have kids yet, we see both my side and his side family during holidays.
Theres been countless years where we've crammed both familes in on one day. I hate doing that.

im just happy that my dad disowned his side of the family cuz their a whole different can of worms with their problems.
oyvi!

[ashokia]

I just get so overwhelmed because my mom is an only child. So all of our family dinners before I met DH were just my mom, grandma and two brothers. DH's mom has twelve brothers and sisters (not all of them still living, of course) and they all have children and grand-children. So family dinner for them is a huge production and I'm not used to having to organize something like this. I know how to cook for my family, I have no idea how much I need to cook for all of these other people. I'm not even sure what types of things I should be asking people to bring. Most of them live out in the country, so asking them to bring anything from the hot meal would probably not work?


We did manage to get out and spend the day with just DH, DS and myself and we went to see the Easter Bunny! It kind of makes up for next weekend.

[lecale]

.

[glowworm2k]

I just get so overwhelmed because my mom is an only child. So all of our family dinners before I met DH were just my mom, grandma and two brothers. DH's mom has twelve brothers and sisters (not all of them still living, of course) and they all have children and grand-children. So family dinner for them is a huge production and I'm not used to having to organize something like this. I know how to cook for my family, I have no idea how much I need to cook for all of these other people. I'm not even sure what types of things I should be asking people to bring. Most of them live out in the country, so asking them to bring anything from the hot meal would probably not work?

I know how you feel. My family is small; I have one sister, each of my parents has one sibling; each of these has 2 kids. The ENTIRE family getting together only requires putting one extra leaf in the table. DH's side, on the other hand, has more than 30; I don't honestly keep track of how many there are now, especially with his cousins' boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses.... It is overwhelming for me to have to go to his family things; I normally end up sitting by myself and not really talking to anyone as I'm treated as a bit of an oddity - I just don't fit in in the group at all and it's noticeable. (This is actually better than when the MIL forces me to socialize by grabbing me, pulling me over to a random family member, starting a conversation that neither of us want to have and then disappearing.... she is known for this and it makes me insane!)

If you do have to host that big group, be aware that people from a fair way away can still bring hot food; they could do things that can be brought in a crockpot or baked in a casserole dish then wrapped in towels so they just need to be heated a wee bit - think beans, vegetables and side dishes. They can also bring bread and rolls, salads, cups, plates, cutlery, a cheese tray, appetizers, desserts, extra chairs (DEFINITELY tell them to bring their own folding chairs!!), etc. etc.

I would probably just have lost it on the MIL on the phone; hats off to you for having a calmer disposition than me

Good luck!!

[glowworm2k]

Lots of good advice...I would have probably snapped and said "That's it! KFC for everyone!!!"...and told MIL it's $10/head, if she doesn't mind picking it up before she arrives, as she will have the cash collected to do so.

Planning a big dinner takes a couple weeks. Thankfully we never have a crowd around, and dh does all the roasting, period, no matter what creature it is. Man to man, dh would flip if he got last minute changes pushed on him like that. He's tape a restaurant flyer to the door and lock it. End of story. Final answer. Truly seriously. (This man is the walking incarnation of "boundaries".)

You sure do have a cute little gaffer. Maybe a call is due to the MIL..."I know people will want to bring things for the baby, so here is a list of things I need right now..." She needs to know to give you a break!

I also do love the idea of putting a wishlist of baby things out for the family.

Also, your DS will be a helpful excuse-maker if need be. Head to the party room with everyone, but when you're feeling stressed, grab your Mum and DS and excuse yourselves as it's time for the baby to nap/have quiet time and leave everyone else in the party room. I have resorted to faking diarrhea to get out of a family affair, so an extra nap time will not raise eyebrows

[nicolthepickle]

Thinking of you this weekend.

[Ami1984]

I think I would call her back and tell her: "You caught me off guard when you called this morning about Easter dinner. Now that I've had time to think about it, I wanted to let you know that I would be happy to have your brother attend with you, however we simply are not equipped to handle everyone else." I wouldn't offer excuses....just be firm and friendly. If she starts in you, simply suggest that she might want to have the larger group over to her home for brunch that morning so they all have some time together. Put the ball back in her court and hang up the phone while you are still 'in control'.

Best advice in my opinion, very good way to put things as well

[ashokia]

Well tomorrow is the big day and I was feeling much calmer about the whole thing until just now on the phone with my mother, who was complaining that my DB and SIL probably hadn't even splurged for a Dollar Store Easter card for her or my granny. Uh oh! I completely forgot about cards and my mother is one of those people who always expects something at Easter, be it cards or flowers or whatever. So now I'm stressed out that I have no cards or flowers and I still haven't even started cooking yet! I'm going to cook my ham tonight and just reheat it tomorrow, and I'm making a cherry cheesecake tonight as well. Tomorrow when I get up at 5 with DS for his feeding I will get the turkey in the oven, which should give it more than enough time to cook.

The MIL called twice today already and let me know that there is macaroni and potato salad coming, cake, an apple pie, drinks, pickles, paper plates and things. My mom is bring scalloped potatoes, coleslaw, cranberries and two cherry pies and she made SIX DOZEN homemade buns. LOL.

We're going to make a little table just for Noah's Easter presents as I know we've got some things and so do my mom and MIL and I'm just wondering if it would be tacky to put out a little basket for money? We just opened an RESP for him so I figured I might as well try and get something out of the people who are freeloading by attempting to guilt them into it?

In any case, DH has been very helpful, his MIL wanted to let people come to our apartment early and he put his foot down and said no because I had too much to do already without having to worry about cleaning the apartment. I almost cheered!

Anyway, thank you again for all your supportive words and hopefully you all have a wonderful Easter with your own family!

@glowworm2k I think you are my soul sister! The first time I met DH's family was a wedding where there were 200+ of them. I nearly had a panic attack. One of his cousins grabbed me by the hips and yelled out for the whole room, "GIRL, YOU GOT GOOD BREEDING HIPS!" I was 16 at the time. So, umm, yuck. I always feel super uncomfortable with them as I never have anything to say, and I hear from one Aunt that another Aunt was complaining about me, and then I hear from that Aunt that this other Aunt was putting me down behind my back. They are seriously like a pack of rabid animals when they get together! I've faked sick many a time to get out of family functions on DH's side!

[marstec]

Good luck with your Easter dinner! When are you eating? I usually don't put my turkey in until sometime in the afternoon if we are going to eat by 6 or 7. Five in the morning seems kind of early for me...you don't want a dry turkey (unless it's on purpose - lol).