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Thread: Advice Needed: 4 Year Old Will Not Poo in Potty
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Mon, Nov 4th, 2013, 04:03 PM #1
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So, I really could use some advice here. My youngest son is 4 and he steadfastly refuses to use the potty to poop. He knows he has to go, because I'll catch him standing in the corner and when asked, he says yes I'm pooping. If I catch him like that and put him on the toilet, then he'll finish in there. Otherwise, it's always in his underwear. I have tried everything I can think of to encourage him to use the toilet but nothing is working. He is in Junior Kindergarten full time and at his school they do not assist when the kids have an accident. My son is not very good at cleaning himself after an accident, and it's gotten to the point that the teacher is telling me that she's going to have to start calling me in every time he has an accident. Now I don't drive, it's a 15 minute walk to the school for me plus I am 5 months pregnant with blood pressure issues due to the pregnancy and cold-weather asthma...I just don't think I can manage walking to drop them off and pick them up and then walking there 1-3 more times each day to help him when he has an accident. I have a doctors appointment on Thursday and I am going to bring it up to her, but I don't know what else to do. I'm at my wits end. I mean, technically he doesn't *have* to be in JK but he loves going to school and it would break his heart if I had to pull him out.
This thread is currently associated with: N/ALast edited by vibrantflame; Mon, Nov 4th, 2013 at 04:04 PM.
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Thu, Nov 7th, 2013, 10:15 PM #2
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Perhaps, you could find some videos or books of characters your son likes on this topic maybe that would help. I just went through this with my DS who turned 3 a few days ago. He doesn't go to school yet but he would poop in his pants knowing full well he had to go! With this being said he has pooped on the potty for 2 days in a row now and is really quite thrilled about it! Hang in there it will get better!
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Thu, Nov 7th, 2013, 10:29 PM #3
Maybe tell him that he has to try harder to poop on potty, or mommy can't send him to jk?? Perhaps that will motivate him more?
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Thu, Nov 7th, 2013, 11:13 PM #4
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We are in the same boat. My son is nearly 4 too and is doing good with peeing, wears underwear the whole day at school too without accidents, but refuses to poop on the potty. We had occasional poop in the underwear. We know when he's doing a poop because he would go in a corner and be very quiet and we see him trying so DH or I quickly grab him and put him on the potty. Sometimes he would poop, sometimes he would hold it until we put a pull-up on him.
I usually reward him even though I caught him and he finished on the toilet. We know he likes smarties, so we tell him if he poops on the potty, he gets the whole box...something like that. Today he said he wanted to pee, once on the potty he pooped too, then he asked for his smarties lol.
I can only suggest the reward system because it's what's been "working" for us so far. We ask him frequently if he wants to poop and if he goes he gets this and that. Sometimes he would try.
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Fri, Nov 8th, 2013, 01:41 AM #5
I spent 6 years of my life not wanting to use an outhouse toilet because I was afraid I'd fall in, because somebody told me that happens to kids "a lot". Joking of course, but I was freaked out.
Have you asked him why, on that note? Is he perhaps scared? I assume because he's a boy he stands to pee, but maybe sitting on the toilet freaks him out.
I don't have any kids of my own, but I just remember that fear of outhouse toilets that started around that age was really bad. Maybe that's all it is, he just doesn't like sitting on the toilet. Do you have a kiddie seat for him that might help?
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Fri, Nov 8th, 2013, 05:24 AM #6
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We didn't have this problem with our DS, but it's really common, don't know why! Hope you find a resolution soon.
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Fri, Nov 8th, 2013, 07:56 AM #7
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Though my son didn't have accidents at that age, there were times when he just didn't want to poop - and once we went to the doc, the advice was that maybe he was hurting while going, that things weren't coming out easily. Even though he had a very balanced diet with what I thought was enough fiber, adding sprinkles of Bran Buds (they used to come in a shaker container) to cereal, desserts, other foods - really helped a lot.
Also, he was eating too many bananas!
Hoping things get better!
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Fri, Nov 22nd, 2013, 07:59 PM #8
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Natalka - I have been wondering if this is an issue with him too, as he seems to have a hard time sometimes. I will look for those Bran Buds for sure, maybe that will do the trick! Thank you.
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Sat, Nov 23rd, 2013, 04:58 PM #9
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My daughter was the exact same way when we were potty training her. She would always hide under the kitchen table instead of going to the bathroom. We were frustrated one day and I said we should just put the potty under the table, and my husband immediately said it was worth a shot. Sure enough, we stuck it under there and she went, and then the next time we moved it to the corner of the kitchen (not under the table), and then back to the bathroom. We were shocked - if we would have known that was going to work, we would have done it a lot sooner
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Wed, Dec 4th, 2013, 12:17 AM #10
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The only thing that worked for my son was the deep embarrassment of wetting/pooping himself out in public or at daycare. He had just turned three, and I was home with him because I was on maternity leave with his younger brother. He didn't mind wetting/pooping himself at home, but he was mortified at the idea of having an accident while out of the house. Sent him back to daycare for a few days, and he didn't have an accident once. If he likes Kindergarten, tell him you're going to keep him at home if he doesn't use the toilet. Tell him that you can't have the other kids and the teacher thinking he's gross for messing his pants all the time. A little bit of shame can be motivating, and four year olds are pretty wise. Mine suddenly feels the need to panic and run to clean up his room because he hears that grandpa's dropping by. He wouldn't want grandpa to see his room a mess! Might also want to clean him up, put him in pyjamas, and put him to bed if he fills his drawers while home in the evening. I'd begin to consider this a behaviour issue that will have consequences for him.
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Fri, Dec 6th, 2013, 09:21 PM #11
Perhaps you can offer a reward if he does it in the toilet, like a lollipop or something...I didn't really have that problem with my son... Good luck
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Tue, Feb 25th, 2014, 12:41 AM #12
Good luck!
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Tue, Feb 25th, 2014, 04:32 AM #13
I let my just turned three year old run around the house naked from the waist down, hence nothing to "catch" his poop/ pee when we were training him .He pooped once on the floor and less than a handful of pee accidents and quickly learned to run to the toilet because he was embarrassed about seeing it on the floor ( we don't have carpet so it's easier to clean up lol). He was completely toilet trained in three days. Used pull ups for three weeks but those ended up dry in the morning and stopped that too. He will wake up in the middle of the night to pee but won't go thru the whole routine of flushing washing hands etc in the middle of the night too tired but then again he's three. He will have the occasional accident if he's too busy playing but those are pretty rare. Also Depending on the public restroom ( hand dryer vs paper towel dispenser). He's finicky about going if it's the hand dryer and will literally hold it until we get home or find one without the hand dryer as the noise terrifies him which is an absolute pain so we always need to make sure he goes first before leaving the house...
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Tue, Feb 25th, 2014, 12:20 PM #14
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talk to your son's pediatrician, you need professional advice.
You can't change other people. You can only change yourself"
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