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Thread: Mothers who can't respect and accept me.

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    Smart Canuck idonovan's Avatar
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    Me and my mother have a history that is unpleasant. I have made a boat load of errors in life that while I have moved on from, she keeps having to remind me of them and reminding me how she does not respect me. I have a younger sister who made her own poor choices and she does not do the same to her. She still lives at home at 25 has the basement to herself does not pay rent, got a free brand new car a few years back, and spends all her money on clothing, makeup and weed... anyway enough back story this is my rant:

    My birthday just past, My mother surprisingly sent me $100. My bills are all paid, rent is paid, I have food in my fridge so I decided to treat myself to a new handbag. ( i do not buy myself stuff all that often). My mother asked me what I bought and I told her. She flipped out.. saying its crap and I don't need it, telling me she has plenty of OLD bags I can have, then reminding me of all my big mistakes in life (as if she is perfect) and just being all out mad.
    I tell her that when birthday money is presented, the point is the receiver should be allowed to spend it how they want, and get what they want..
    Her response was nothing more then comical. She said to me: oh there is nothing wrong with buying what you want with birthday money, but what you like is crap and that is wrong.

    I have basically told her that until she learns to accept me and respect me as a person and not chew me out for everything I do, then I basically have no mother, as I am done being disrespected.. to which she replied that all I'm doing is feeling sorry for myself and having a pity party and again reminded me of all my mistakes and that I don't deserve respect, while my sister does...

    What the heck can I do to make her truly see what she is doing is not ok... It is truly hurtful, I can't even enjoy my bag now as she has taken away any happiness I had from it from this whole event.

    I separated from my husband and he is still living in a basement suite she owns (different house from my sister), he has 2 dogs and 2 cats with him..he pays rent but there is no official lease. I am worried to death that she is gonna be petty and kick him out.With the amount of animals he has it will be almost impossible to find a way to house them. Its a complicated situation as to why he is there with those animals and why I'm not, but thats not the point.
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    Last edited by idonovan; Mon, Mar 10th, 2014 at 09:49 PM.
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    Mastermind Anna Michele's Avatar
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    Im so sorry you are mixed up in this situation. The best thing you can do for you is cut all ties dont worry about your ex. Its no longer your problem. Every morning you wake up realize ypu have been blessed with another day and live it to the fullest. Dont look back. You need to surround ypurself with people in your life that make you stronger not bring you down. I wish you all the best.

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    Mastermind Shwa Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by idonovan View Post
    My birthday just past, My mother surprisingly sent me $100. My bills are all paid, rent is paid, I have food in my fridge so I decided to treat myself to a new handbag. ( i do not buy myself stuff all that often). My mother asked me what I bought and I told her. She flipped out.. saying its crap and I don't need it, telling me she has plenty of OLD bags I can have, then reminding me of all my big mistakes in life (as if she is perfect) and just being all out mad.
    I'm a little slow today. Feel free to tell me if I missed something.
    Soooo, when someone gives you a present of money, you are free to spend it any way you wish. Am I right?
    Or, was there a note saying how the money was to be spent?

    By the way, happy birthday!

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    I love The Script! Tinkerbella's Avatar
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    I feel for you. I have severed all ties with my Mother due to her serious negativity and insulting nature. It's been years since we've spoke, she doesn't even know my kids, it's sad but sometimes you have to purge your life of things and people who bring you down and hurt you.
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    Smart Canuck idonovan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shwa Girl View Post
    I'm a little slow today. Feel free to tell me if I missed something.
    Soooo, when someone gives you a present of money, you are free to spend it any way you wish. Am I right?
    Or, was there a note saying how the money was to be spent?

    By the way, happy birthday!
    There was no indication on how to spend the money.. She said to me after i bought it: oh there is nothing wrong with buying what you want with birthday money, but what you like is crap and that is wrong.
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    Sith Lady and Cool Kid Darth Penguin's Avatar
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    I'm another one who's going to suggest if not cut all ties to your mother, put a huge ditch between you and her. Sometimes we let family treat us in ways that we would call them out on if it was a freind or a stranger treating us like that. And we shouldn't allow our supposed loved ones to treat us worse than a stranger...

    Re anything your mother ever tells you or gives you..Never, ever, ever....Justify, Argue Defend or Explain. Keep your comments as neutral and as civil as you can when she asks you about anything..even if you end up telling a white lie or 2..

    I'm guessing your husband is an adult..If he's living in a property owned or controlled by your mother, then he needs a lease or some form of offical notice but tha should be his problem..unless you are supporting him. He may need to speak to some-one in your local housing authority if either of you feel that your mother may abuse the fact he's paying her but doesn't have a lease...

    Happy birthday idonovan..I hope for the most part it was happier than this.
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    Canadian Genius cinpow's Avatar
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    OP, I m on the same boat as you! you are not alone! HugsX100times! lets use this harsh situation into something that will make you a stronger and more independent person. No one in my family or whatsocall sister respects me, but hey, you know what! that is fine, because there are other people in my life that will, my bf, and my DS and DD that I love. why let them ruin your life, you don't need their money to survive, you can live your life however suites you and be happy. if you ever need to talk to someone, welcome to msg me!

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    Mastermind Shwa Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cinpow View Post
    that is fine, because there are other people in my life that will, my bf, and my DS and DD that I love. why let them ruin your life, you don't need their money to survive, you can live your life however suites you and be happy.
    Well said.
    So true!
    Great post.
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    Senior Canuck GracieAnne's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear your mother is like that, but happy birthday! My mother is the complete opposite, whenever I get birthday money, she gets upset if I use it for bills or rent. She's always pushing me to use it on something special that I wouldn't normally buy (like a handbag I guess).

    I agree with the rest that someone like that won't change, hopefully someday she's realize how much she has hurt you and pushed you away.
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    Mastermind TooCouponCrazy's Avatar
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    I can relate to your mother situation more than you know. But, I hope you had a happy birthday despite the negativity. And yeah, birthday gifts with conditions- I would rather they not give me anything. Hope all works out well for you.
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    Mastermind Shwa Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by idonovan View Post
    There was no indication on how to spend the money..
    Exactly!
    You were free to spend how you wished. Yay!
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    Smart Canuck Kwala's Avatar
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    I am sorry to hear about your relationship with your mother. She will not change and you have to think about yourself, what makes you happy and stress free. If that means cutting ties with her then that is what you should do. You are responsible for yourself not for her. By the way Happy Birthday.
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    I don't think its even about you .

    Sometimes people have issues & problems and they try to find someone to remove their frustartions on , its nothing personal ..in this case its you .

    You are probably an easy target , but deep down you never know ..your mother probably loves you just as much as your sister , but just doesn't want to admit it & show it.

    This is a passive - aggressive thing going on , she is nice and gives you a B'Day gift but then tries to be not so nice ..she probably likes you a lot or would have never remembered your B'day & given you a gift

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    Smart Canuck idonovan's Avatar
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    thank you all for the support it really means a lot
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    Smart Canuck idonovan's Avatar
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    Still have not talked to her, nor has she made any attempt at communication with me. Its hard, but I can't take negativity any more, especially with my bad luck this last bit.
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