A question of ethics....

[Andit]

Some people don't care whether their homes are see-through or not, so I'd ignore the view; I have better things to do than spy on someone doing their dishes...

I would drop by and chat and joke about their window and what I could see, and complain how I had to go to Dollarama to tape up floral tissue paper on my window once until I could figure out what to do and what I could afford re: window coverings. And then I would tell them all about the best deals I knew of in window coverings and where to shop for them, and about the weird guy who used to live across from me who had no window coverings or clothes on often (with a bottle of wine) and how people without window coverings are generally weird people. And, I would give them a daily status report ("When I went by this morning I saw you wiping your nose, and when I came back this way at 6 you were still wiping your nose!") and just generally HOPE THEY TAKE A HINT. And if they didn't...I would warn the neighbourhood

3. I ignore and don't spy.

Thanks for playing.

Here's the dilemma I have with the neighbours, I have no idea who they are. When I moved here, there were no condos across the street, now there are 2. So any time I look out the window, this is what I see:



I have dinner at the little table by my window, and now that it's getting dark so early, this is my view.



So, unless I stare at the wall or go watch TV, if I want to look out the window, I have no choice but to spy on the neighbours. The picture is deceptive, you can actually see things more clearly (& no, you don't need binoculars ). Last time a friend came over for dinner, we were wondering why none of the neighbours had artwork on the walls....

[Andit]

Time for another question.

One parent dies and the other needs a bit of assistance to continue living in the family home. The youngest sibling is single and gives up a career and moves back home, living off savings & the parent's small pension. The older siblings are unable to help due to family/job commitments. Eventually, the parent passes away.

Should the youngest inherit the family home? Should it be sold and the proceeds split? Should the other siblings have contributed more to the care of the parent?

Any thoughts?

[Natalka]

Andi, this first needs to go by the will.
If not specified in the will, then it must go by the law of inheritance. In this case, I think it would be that all assets would be divided between the children.

I'll tell you what happened in our family's case.
Six children, 24 years apart in age from oldest to youngest. The first five were married and living away.
Father dies when youngest son is 16, he stays in the family home with mother til she passes away nine years later.
He was working, wasn't contributing to the household financially - but doing yard/house maintenance type of stuff. Mom hadn't required any assistance health-wise then.

In the will, she left him the house. She made a few other specifications, but otherwise assets were divided amongst the six of us.
Now, as surviving children, we could have challenged the will, but made an agreement to not do that.

[MortgageQueen]

The will is the primary factor here. Depending on the value of home, I would be inclined to give it to the sibling that gave up the career.
Again depending on the value of the inheiritance, perhaps a reasonable sum could be allotted to other siblings, or at least sentimental items.

As far as I'm concerned the emotional commitment of taking care of elderly parents alone should qualify a sibling special precedence. It is a big commitment regardless if no material support was involved.

[Andit]

Thanks for playing.

I'll give 2 scenarios from folks I know.

My Mom helped build the house she lived in with her parents and sister (worked 12 hr days, then went home and literally carried bricks to help save costs). Long story short, she was the one who took out the loan to build the house (she was the only one who qualified - interesting back story about the ways of Communism - ask if interested). When she got married and moved to Canada, she gave up any claim to the house (my folks went into debt since they had to go through the embassy's lawyer here in Toronto to do this). When my Aunt got married, they built an addition to the house and lived there, taking care of my Grandparents until they passed away. My Mom's (& my Dad's) attitude had always been that my Mom has zero claim to the house and that it belongs to my Aunt, cause she was the one who took care of my Grandparents.

Scenario 2 involves a good friend of mine who gave up a good career to take care of an older parent when the other parent passed away. Three siblings all together, but my friend was the youngest and the only one who was single. All three had good careers in different cities, far from the family home. The first 7 yrs were ok, allowing my friend to work, at least part of the time. Then the mother developed Alzheimers and needed FT care (I sometimes went over to keep the Mom company while my friend ran out to get groceries - otherwise grocery trips involved taking the Mom along or running out for a quick 10 minute shop while the Mom napped). My friend had the Mom involved in all sorts of trials and activities to improve and prolong her life. This went on for 10 yrs. They lived off the mother's pension and my friend's savings. The other siblings contributed very little financially (they sometimes brought food when they came for a visit or a few gifts here and there). One sibling brought their family for a visit every summer so the Mom could see her Grandchildren. The other sibling brought their family for visits at Xmas, Easter & Thanksgiving (lived within an hour's drive). The last yr of the Mom's life, this sibling came by weekly (after taking an early retirement) to help out, but because the care-giving styles were so different between the siblings, my friend didn't find the help useful and still did all the work - the sibling would do a lights-out at midnight leaving the Mom lying awake in the dark, while my friend would stay up til all hours until the Mom fell asleep (my friend now has major sleep issues as a result, but not one ounce of regret). The will left the estate equally to all 3 siblings. The money assets have been divided, but now the older siblings want the house sold and the proceeds distributed equally. I think my friend deserves the house (my friend's savings went into fixing the roof, the furnace, plumbing, and keeping the house looking immaculate). Right now, things are in limbo, we'll see what happens.