does any one had to deal with '' you last parent has to go in a home for senior''

[Mia001]

mom had an appointment at the dr today.....and at the end the Dr call me in to talk to me.....he said mom is in too bad shape and he is affraid of what could append to her ....she is weak with severe anemia that will soon need blood transfusions, full of arthrose , in a wheel chair, almost can't use her right hand.....

i can't do much for her as i have health problems myself and i'm the only one around ( with DH...who also has his elderly parents to care for)

when the dr was talking , she was shaking...and i know that it was a big sad news for her and i know it was not her choice......i totally understand her point of view .....

sorry, to bother you again with my problems, i just don't know what to do.....if it wasn't her health problems , she is well at home in her things

DH suggested i go live with her....

i called one of my brothers toninght and it was a big surprise for him too....

[Midnightly]

it is hard for the elderly to watch all their freedoms slipping away

[sheetsofemptycanvas]

Mia, I don't know what province you live in but have you considered home care for her? Someone to come in and help her with bathing/personal care, meals, light housekeeping, etc? It's government funded here in Ontario but I'm not sure how it works in other places. Maybe mention it to her Dr.

Good luck, I work with the elderly every day and I see what the families go through.

[Mia001]

Mia, I don't know what province you live in but have you considered home care for her? Someone to come in and help her with bathing/personal care, meals, light housekeeping, etc? It's government funded here in Ontario but I'm not sure how it works in other places. Maybe mention it to her Dr.

Good luck, I work with the elderly every day and I see what the families go through.

she already has all of that but she needs more care now....Dr said it's the next step

[Natalka]

Mia, one of my sisters had to deal with that with her in-laws, and I know it was very difficult for them.
However, once they realized there was lots of family in the city who would come visit them often - pretty much daily - and had some time to come to terms with it all, and could 'let go', they actually did quite well.

Your mom will need to understand she will be very well cared for, and will have much less stress with not having to deal with household things.

Good luck with dealing with all of this, Mia - you are a wonderful daughter, and I know you will do your best!

[TaraF]

Mia it is hard for both you and your Mom to have to think about her going into a home, but if she needs more care that they can provide her it sounds like it will be the best thing. Do you have a lot of choices available to her that you could "make a day" of looking around at them together? Or is it a situation of you know which home she'd be going to? Once she is in a home she will probably have so much less stress and you could visit her often and take her out places that she will hopefully adapt to it quickly. Goodluck.

[Mia001]

i didn't sleep at all last night, it was like a stab in the heart to me....

and i think it is the same for one of my brothers.....

how can you send all day with someone and bring dinner when she is no longer at her home ????

[MortgageQueen]

My heart goes out to you Mia. I absolutely dread the day this happens with my mom. I could just picture your mom sitting there at the doctor. Made me want to cry.

The one and only thing I could think of to make this easier, is have her try a respite stay for a week or two. If you explain the situation to the Home staff, they will do their utmost to make it pleasant for her and hopefully change her mind about staying in a Home??

A respite stay is only temporary and when she gets home, you can talk about more permanent. . .OR if it works out well, maybe she'll agree to stay??

Regardless, she needs to be reassured by everyone in the family how much they love her and that she will be visited as much as possible. Try and find a Home that will allow her to bring some of her things such as a quilt, lamp, pictures, etc. . .make her room homey.

[sheetsofemptycanvas]

My heart goes out to you Mia. I absolutely dread the day this happens with my mom. I could just picture your mom sitting there at the doctor. Made me want to cry.

The one and only thing I could think of to make this easier, is have her try a respite stay for a week or two. If you explain the situation to the Home staff, they will do their utmost to make it pleasant for her and hopefully change her mind about staying in a Home??

A respite stay is only temporary and when she gets home, you can talk about more permanent. . .OR if it works out well, maybe she'll agree to stay??

Regardless, she needs to be reassured by everyone in the family how much they love her and that she will be visited as much as possible. Try and find a Home that will allow her to bring some of her things such as a quilt, lamp, pictures, etc. . .make her room homey.

The respite stay is a great idea... part of my job involves me going into nursing and retirement homes and many people do this. She will get an idea of the staff, the schedule, the meals, etc.

[Lynn49]

Mia, I went through this with my Mom....eventually her Alzeimers was too advanced for her to continue to live with us, which she did, for almost 12 years.
It was horrible that morning when I knew it was her last sleep at home...it totally broke my heart, but we got through it.
And do you know what? I think it was as much of a relief for her as it was for us. Yes, it was damn hard for a while. I hated her being there. But we eventually came to see how well cared-for she was, how she enjoyed people-watching, and how content she was, knowing someone was always close by like we were at home. Yes, this will be horrifyingly difficult. But your Mom will receive the care she needs. She'll not feel alone. And as far as taking food and treats to her, why not? Take a picnic basket in the summer! Bring her favourite foods! Bring her lotions and potions to spoil her!

If it's time, and her doctor feels it is, I know it sounds trite of me to say, "look to the bright side", but having gone through it, I know that there will be comfort for all of you. I hope she'll be close-by...it'll make it much easier to drop in with surprises! Or to take her for outings! Out to dinner!

I wish you all the best, Mia.

[MortgageQueen]

Yes, I even threw a little 49th wedding anniversary at the Rest Home's private family room. I had champagne (which my dad Loved!) a special cake and a few of his old friends dropped by. It was really nice for him.