A blended family

[Mrazzberry]

Hi all! My name is Mitchell. I am looking to get a little advice on the topic of blended families. We have been married for just over a year and have two children. My son (10) is my own, and my daughter (16) is my wives child.

I've learned things change once you put a ring on it, but thats for a different thread!

I find that we are in a constant battle over the kids. I try to raise our daughter like I would raise my own child, however mom constantly interjects. She will especially use comparisons between the two kids.

Here is the thing though... I believe that a 16 year old should have more accountability than a 10 year old. She expects me to discipline my 10 year old just as I would her 16 year old. This is very confusing to me.

Here is a good example I can give you that happened just this morning. I'll have to give you a little bit of our morning routine to set the stage.

Normally my wife will get up first and go to work, then our daughter will leave for school, then I will wake up my son, make sure he has breakfast and get him ready for and get him off to school. So...

This morning;

- Wife calls in sick
- Daughter sleeps in past her alarm, doesn't have time in the morning to have breakfast or bring food with her to school because she had to catch her bus.
- I slept in too! I usually get up with my wife in the morning. I Woke my son up late, made sure he had breakfast, made his lunch, drove him to school. (about 15 mins late)

So daughter bombards us with txt msg's while in class no less, and wants us to bring her food to school because she slept in. I disagree. However mom starts to compare the kids. ie. Connor was late this morning and you made his lunch, if Connor was 16 you would bring him food.

Its not that i'm trying to be "mean" or anything. I just think that teaching the whole there are concequences for your actions thing should get harder when you get older, because really folks, you know its not going to get any easier. My son gets those lesson too there just different because he's 10.

Am I doing it wrong? Its not like they come with instruction manuals

Thanks,

Mitchell

[bargain_hunter_lola]

First off Welcome to SC.

That's definitely a tough situation you're in.

On one hand, I agree a 16 year old should have more accountability than a 10 year old but on the other hand, I don't think you should get in between your wife and her daughter. I mean, she's been raising her for 15 years and you've been in the picture for only a few (if I'm reading things correctly). Both of them will probably end up with a lot of negative feelings if you do.

I'd suggest you and your wife talk about your feelings, parenting styles and expectations. Hopefully you can both find some middle ground and come up with a plan for going forward.

Good luck

[Mrazzberry]

Thanks for the welcome! Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my post. We have been together for almost 7 years now, and I have talked to her about how I feel, but I think it just is what it is kind of thing. I'll have to deal! lol It just sucks...

Thanks again!

[CrazyQT]

Let this situation be a lesson to all.

Make all lunches the night before and there will be no reason for anyone to leave the house without a lunch.