A Confession ( might be upsetting/disturbing to some)

[gryphon]

As some of you know, I have suffered from depression for over a decade. Its caused me no end of problems with my health. I feel i have a need to open up now to someone or I will explode. Depression is like a cancer that always threatens to kill any random day. A year ago I was so messed up because of depression, I had a knife to my arm and was debating suicide...This wasnt the first time I had done that and it scares me every time. I havent been able to see a psychiatrist for over 3 years because of the crappy health care system and the last doctor I did see, just put me on meds then stopped seeing me. The meds caused so many side effects I almost died before my family doctor helped out. Depression has been ruining my life for over a decade, it kills my motivation and I feel weak and helpless.

Now though I am starting to try and create a new support network for myself. Last night was a breaking point where I lost it and my friends instead of running or pushing me away, came to me and helped me. They said they will always be there for me and help me. It will be tough but they are getting me the help I need. I will always be grateful for them now. I am trying to create a new environment for myself and I hope to finally make progress in getting better.


I needed to get this off my chest and I dont want you to worry all. I just needed to vent one last time before I start opening up to my friends.

I will be fine and I wont kill myself.

My friends are helping me now. I will get better

[thriftygranny]

Mental Illness is a very large cross to bear Gryphon, I am glad you have a support network to help you. Yes the medical system stinks when it comes to this illness,please be persistent and relentless on your path to get help, only you and your support group with the help of medication will help you. Best of luck to you.

[abbasgirl]

Good for you, Gryphon! It takes courage to reach out. I'm glad you found a group that are supportive!

[cookoo]

I know how you feel. I have been trapped in a psychologically abusive situation for the past few years and have only recently been helped by a team of very supportive people. There's light after all.

[Natalka]

gryphon, I am so very glad your friends are there for you - and I'm sure your family and extended family will be very supportive of you as well. Medical professionals WILL help as well, you just need help to find the right ones - which I surely hope you will do.

You have a LOT to offer your friends, your family, and the world, so I hope you continue to heal and grow - one second at a time, one minute, an hour, a day at a time...

Are you aware of this?

http://www.torontojewishhealing.com/About.html

Check our the links page there, too.

[walkonby]

thank you for your honesty gryphon, that must have been a load off to just say what you have been living with for a decade now. To have your friends support is everything, I can tell how grateful you are for their support. I hope for your continued health going forward.

[saveadollardiva]

We are all here for you! If you need any support at anytime don't be afraid to talk to any of us!

[madchives]

so glad to hear that you have great friends that are going to be able to help you gryphon. hoping you let us all know how you are when you can. hugs and stay in the sunshine

[toban]

Gryphon it takes courage to reach out. I'm glad you have supportive friends-that's very important. If you need support were here for you!

[Tweets77]

I am glad that you have someone that you can talk face to face with. We are also here anytime you want to talk, unload, whatever you need. You are very courageous my friend. We are here for you.

[terry2144]

Gryphon I admire your courage to speak out. I almost lost a close friend this year due to depression. It's easy to forget that most people would offer support..usually they are unaware of the problem. I hope you find the medical care but having a support network is essential. I would have rather my friend call me at 3am rather than suffer in silence. I wish you all the best.

[Candini]

Not sure where you are located in Toronto but you really need to push for your well being and health. A regular doctor has no idea and depth towards mental health, they just touch the surface. CAMH has a great program, can offer support groups, a therapist, techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy and also with a base of medication to stabilize your moods.

[Nina1]

I am sending you the biggest hug I've got. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am glad have you have your friends!

[vivian91]

Hope you can become good. Have a happy life.

[Lily369]

gryphon, you will be alright , trust me.