Ungrateful people, donno what to do

[torontogal12]

I am a bridesmaid at a relative's wedding. I threw her an incredible bachelorette party.

I had to borrow $5 from her to get into a club. She wants me to pay her the $5 back. The whole reason I needed cash was because I burned through $150 because some of her friends refused to chip in for her (or even bother to RSVP).

To make things worse, her and her friends saw some dude getting too close to me at the club but actually walked away because getting drinks was more important than my safety (they said I looked like I was having fun?! I'm married!).

She is obsessed with taking pictures (she takes an obsene amount). She took pictures with every single one of her friendsexcept me, who has known her for 30 years . I organized the whole thing and paid for a lot of it and I'm not worth the 5 seconds for a photo but someone who just shows up gets one? Look at the pictures later and it looks like I didn't even go to her wedding festivities. This makes me really mad.

At the end of the night all she said was "ok thanks for coming, bye" and walked away.

I want to call her out on this but don't want to cause an incident with my family....

[Midnightly]

sadly situations like this you really do learn who your friends are.. it sounds like this woman is not really a true friend maybe it's time to sit down and have a talk with her (though it might make more bridal related things awkward)

you have done an amazing job and you've stressed significantly over all your doing for this woman (this isn't the first post i've seen by you about this wedding stress).. don't let yourself mistreated by her or use "but i'm the bride" as an excuse for acting like it all revolves around her.. yes it was her night/party but you still have to pay respect to those who did the work to help create the night and not expect you to foot the bill for everything

[torontogal12]

I think saying something would cause an incident in my family. We are a small family. Though I think she needs to know that this wasn't ok.

To be fair, she didn't expect me personally to foot the bill, but when her friends cheaped out, I'm left to pony out the cash or we're dining and dashing. She didn't even notice. I would buy her stuff and then she'd hand that stuff out to her friends. WTF. I'm doing it for her and she's handing stuff out like it appeared out of thin air.

It's the fact that she didn't even care that I did all this for her and cared more about these other people, and she documented the whole night and I look like I'm not even there.

sadly situations like this you really do learn who your friends are.. it sounds like this woman is not really a true friend maybe it's time to sit down and have a talk with her (though it might make more bridal related things awkward)

you have done an amazing job and you've stressed significantly over all your doing for this woman (this isn't the first post i've seen by you about this wedding stress).. don't let yourself mistreated by her or use "but i'm the bride" as an excuse for acting like it all revolves around her.. yes it was her night/party but you still have to pay respect to those who did the work to help create the night and not expect you to foot the bill for everything

[Decaf]

You're just too nice. I wouldn't say anything though. I have learned that there are really picky people that would give away gift that they don't like no matter how much the item cost (it's not their money). Pay her back the $5 and stop giving her free stuff as well as your attention for awhile and see.

[Natalka]

I agree with Decaf - just settle it, let it go and YOU don't worry about any of this any more.

[toronto166]

I actually went through something very similar to that although it was not wedding related. However, I DID CALL HER OUT on it and we are no longer speaking after 40 years of friendship. I noticed my friend would "respect and kiss the a$$e$ of the people who would treat her like crap yet she would "try" to treat me bad and yet I loved her like a sister (we were friends since kindergarten). I figured no point in continuing a relationship that was toxic and she could keep her new friends. I am much more at peace now and have no regrets. Good luck to you and maybe things will improve after the wedding. If they don't, then you need to really think about what's important to you, your family or your sanity.

[seylz_gurl]

so hard when someone you do things for hurts you. Maybe keep your distance for awhile and she will stop taking you for granted.

[MTLcouponer]

I completely understand those who say you shouldn't say anything. HOWEVER, I myself would definitely call her out on it. It may be a little awkward at first, but if she's mature enough, your relationship will be better off.

[Tweets77]

I actually went through something very similar to that although it was not wedding related. However, I DID CALL HER OUT on it and we are no longer speaking after 40 years of friendship. I noticed my friend would "respect and kiss the a$$e$ of the people who would treat her like crap yet she would "try" to treat me bad and yet I loved her like a sister (we were friends since kindergarten). I figured no point in continuing a relationship that was toxic and she could keep her new friends. I am much more at peace now and have no regrets. Good luck to you and maybe things will improve after the wedding. If they don't, then you need to really think about what's important to you, your family or your sanity.

I am with you toronto166....I have eliminated the toxic, negative people in my life that I can. We all have enough going on and don't need any more of it. (Just my 2 cents)

[francine1985]

I won't go into details (A couple people here already know the story) but I have recently cut my sister out of my life. She is blocked on Facebook and I will not accept her calls. She was a people user and when I set limits she lost it and verbally attacked me both over the phone and through Facebook messages. I have also been told by family she has been badmouthing me because I refused to let her negatively affect me dh and our kids.

that being said my advice is to talk to her. If she apologizes give her another chance. If she goes off attacking you and/or doesn't change then cut her out of your life... Family or not don't allow other people to use you or to drain your finances, energy, or happiness. Life is too short to deal with all the drama and bs. (Btw I don't miss my sister at all and have been much happier since I blocked her from my life.)

[thriftygranny]

I think it is harder when it is family, because it never ends up just between the two of you, people pick sides and draw lines. This makes it really hard for you and being treated as you were is very hurtful and it is a hard thing to get past after all the work put in to it.
I would give her the petty 5.00 graciously, but I would also let her know that you had to cover the tab her "friends" didn't cover. Not in an accusing way, but say something like oh here is you 5.00, times must be really tough for this group, the restaurant bill was short 100.00 and I had to cover it, I'm glad I had the money to do it otherwise we would have been turning your bachlorette into a dine and dash. If she still doesn't show any appreciation, finish your wedding party commitments and move on knowing that she is a selfish buffoon and sometimes you just can't fix ignorance and stupidity.

[Midnightly]

ahh yes when it comes to family it's a whole nother ball game they will always be there in the wings even if you cut them out of your life.. i agree with thriftygranny she may not have realized that you were stuck holding the tab for all her friends who didn't feel the need to pay their bill.. bring up the situation in passing when you pay her $5 back something along the lines of "it was an expensive night, i didn't expect to be footing the bill for everyone with no help" i also get the impression that she's oblivious to things like that (or atleast when it comes to everything wedding related) and if she just shrugs it off remember it... move past it don't let it eat you up inside but don't forget and keep the wallet closed... do what you have to do for the wedding party but don't put yourself out and keep a bit of a distance.. i find weddings can bring out the best and the worst in some people

sometimes family gets back burnered over friends because family will always be there in one way or another and you don't have to work so hard to keep them around where with friends they have no forever ties with you so you have to work that much harder to keep them around... sadly when she looks back at the photos from the night out in 5-10 years there is a fair chance most those women won't even be around anymore and she'll have a bunch of pictures with strangers

[walkonby]

some good advice given here torontogal12, I guess this just has to be a teaching moment? ( learning curve? ) I dunno what else to call it, but most def. tell her you paid for that restaurant bill shortfall. How can she ignore that if you straight out tell her? About you not being in the pics I say it is because YOU are too pretty!! You may have made everyone else look bad.

[ThisIsNyperson]

I would tell her how you feel, but keep in mind this is sadly typical of being in a wedding party. I had a similar situation with my cousin when I was her bridesmaid.

[SavvyLady]

sorry this happened to you! I do agree with some people here, you have to talk to her ,and if it goes now where..for a wedding gift I would get a really nice card and say my present to you was your lovely bachelorette party, hope you enjoyed as much as your friends!!