Spanking..... child abuse or acceptable punishment?

[zephara]

I was talking with a few moms a while back and there was some long disscusions on this hot topic and I thought I would put it out there to what SC'ers had to say.

I am one of the millions that was spanked as a child and feel it hurt but had no real affect on my personal make-up as a good natured human. I am a infrequent spanker and i am a little for it depending on the situation and all methods tried. but i am also opting for other methods as my views on this are changing as the years go by.

what do you think?

[nanuk]

I was spanked and grow up relatively normal(? LOL). I think that unfortunaltely as in most cases it is parents who take it to the extreme (marks, bruises abuse and disregard for their children) give spanking the "evil" defination that society now has know of corperal punishment.

I was also grounded and had privilages taken away so spanking wasn't the only punishment I recieved...In fact i think I am still grounded LOL

[Pierrette.wiseman]

Under no circumstance would i ever spank my child. I was never spanked and I remember my mom telling my dad if he ever hit me he would be kicked out of the house. I can't think of anything my son could do that would ever deserve a spanking.

Pierrette from The Wiseman Conspiracy

[crumpet]

I have spanked my daughter. Once when she ran out in the street and almost caused a huge pileup, and almost got herself killed, and another time when I caught her trying to stick a bobby pin in the light socket. I swatted her both times a few times on her butt. Not enough to hurt a lot, but just to get my message across. Besides the little spanking I gave her hurt a heck of a lot less than the consequences of her actions would have. And I am not one bit sorry for it. They were both serious situations. She still remembers them, (she is 15 now) and she says she would've done the same thing if she were me. I have never spanked out of anger though. I have a problem with kids getting hit because they made a big person mad. I was spanked as a child from time to time, not very often though.

[Sally888]

I do believe there is a fine line of respect and fear.

I feared being bad because I would get spanked.
I feared my father for many years because he was the spanker.

It wasnt respect, it was fear that made me behave.

That being said, I dont spank my kids personally. Time outs work pretty good with us, theres nothing worse to my 8 year old then being sent to his room, he cries and goes and lies down in his bed. Meanwhile theres tons of toys he could play with.
Same as our youngest, biggest thing with him right now is the throwing of the fit. So he goes for a few minute time out in his room.

I dont look down on parents that spank, it just isn't right for us.
But I dont agree with parents who slap there kids across the face, that really bothers me and I think its innapropriate, and to me child abuse.

[swouper2]

I don't think that spanking is effective.

However, that being said, I believe that empty threats are even worse, so when the sound of my mother channels through my frustrated mouth and I find myself threatening "If you do that one more time, so help me God I will spank that cute little butt of yours..." I trap myself, and yes, I do end up having to spank.

The worst thing ever, though , is when out of sheer stubborness, my dd would paste the biggest smile on her face, and say "again" (she did this as young as three) It was absolutely heartbreaking, I could see the tears she was holding back.

It's easy for me to say what I believe is appropriate discipline, but when you were raised inappropriately, it's very difficult to maintain your own standards all the time. (And no, I don't abuse my kids. I just want to sometimes!)

[Milton4doe]

I really try to use the time outs, grounding, confiscating toys etc. rather than spanking. I have to agree with Dr. Phil on this one he says it's easy to loose control once you start to hit especially if you are in a rage so it's best to just avoid it. I was spanked a bit growing up by my mother not my dad

[Boo Radley]

off topic
omg! Pierrette.wiseman I just clicked on your link from a computer lab in the university not exatly safe for work

[roseofblack25]

I was spanked as a kid all the time and feared doing something wrong because I knew thats what the consequence was...I would never spank my own kids over nothing...but I think if they are going to go stick their hand on a burner or something I would swat their hands away just so they don't hurt themselves. I think there are way more effective methods to getting a child to behave instead of spanking them.

[harkatsmom]

I personally do not hit my kids, but, I also do not think that giving a child a smack on the butt or hand is child abuse. (pretty much anywhere else would be IMO)

Why I do not hit my girls is...
First, I would be too angry and wouldn't want to hurt them,
and secondly if I hit them when I was mad, what am I teaching them, other than to be aggressive towards others when they are angry.

That said...

Name calling, corporal punishment, neglect, shaming a child, are all very serious examples of child abuse and IMO can cause much more detrimental side effects than a slap on the butt...

[rebelinu]

I still remember being spanked as far back as 3. It was traumatic then and is still uncomfortable to think about. I think its one of the reason's i'm so slow to trust people. IMO any kind of hitting (and spanking IS hitting) is child abuse. I'm just glad the courts are starting to realize this and passing laws to protect children.

[caitfoster]

I was only spanked once in my childhood. It always loomed, and from that point I was good. I think it is acceptable, as long as it isn't done all the time. Once should be enough to put the fear of god in you. DH and I both believe this. My friend who came from Sri Lanka was struck with a wooden spoon, and he still believes in that to punish his children. I still don't concider that abuse if it is on the bum and well warrented.

Screaming I don't believe in though. Emotional abuse is much worse that physical. Speaking from someone who has been through it, I would rather take another broken nose any day than all the verbal abuse I suffered at the hands of that same boyfriend.

[April07]

Here is my opinion.... it is acceptable as long as it is one swat, with reasonable force and the child gets the point. As long as it is used as the last form of punishment when all else fails. Some children just need it.

That is all I will say on this subject... just my opinion, please do not hate me for it.

[anisa]

a swat on the tush and a smack on the hand isn't unreasonable.

With my daughter, I realized that a lot of the frustration would come from perhaps just being exhausted and desperate. I don't even scold that much anymore.

I have high expectations in regards to behaviour, and she knows when I'm angry, but the spanks and scoldings have decreased.

I had spanks and scoldings and nothing but negative words from both my parents growing up. I am so different with my daughter, and I try to teach with love and encouragment. I want her to come to me if she has an issue, and not be scared of me.

And I don't think it's fair to get angry with the kid the first few times they do something, sometimes it's just them exploring their newfound abilities. It's really easy to tell when they are just exploring their new boundaries, and when they have crossed that learning stage into downright disobeying what you have taught them.

[alajen]

I think that the debate question is a very broad one, and I need to consider it in the context of the overall parenting style.

If spanking is used as an automatic standby response for every misstep a child makes, then I feel it is abuse. Myself, I remember being forced to wear kid slippers when walking around the house - which I resisted. I don't remember why it was important, only that my mother would take the slippers and slap the tops of my bare feet if I kicked them off. I also had a deep fear of my uncle, who also used spanking for discipline - this lasted well in my adult years. For the most part, I don't remember the lesson, only the pain from the punishment.

However, I cannot say I would avoid spanking altogether, since I am still a new parent, and my toddler is starting the phase where everything is "No". I hear this phase continues until they are past 18 (LOL).

As some have already said, if the situation is extreme and warrants it, then I would need to spank my child as part of other actions taken to discipline. I think it would hurt me emotionally as much (if not more) than it would hurt my child, so I think that spanking would be used sparingly in my household.