(KITCHENER) DOLLARAMAS: Where is your knockoff chocolate?!

[bullet tooth]

I wasn't sure if I should post this to just Kitchener, to all of Ontario, or what, so I posted where I figured there'd be the broadest audience.

In a stellar example of how easy it is to distress modern young adults, we're going coconuts over an issue concerning off-brand dollar store candy: WHERE IS IT?

For those of you who buy these or would otherwise notice such things, have you picked up on the shortage of, or should I say, total absence of the Snickers and Mars knockoffs, Titan and Meteor, at your local Dollarama(s)?

If yes: where? What city, and have you been able to find them by checking different stores?

If no: okay thanks anyway; the rest is gonna be pretty boring for you to read.

We've been keeping an over-keen eye out for months since first we noticed this, because my dude likes to take them in his work lunch, he being somehow able to suppress the violent gag reflex that follows biting into a Meteor bar, with or without it having been gently warmed on a car dash for 4+ hours.

So, clearly, this is an important issue to me, one of my partner's Quality of Lunch, a responsibility I took upon myself to oversee before realizing how aggravatingly challenging, yet still somehow fall-down boring it is to ensure a daily lunch for an adult is packed full of "fun" -- not just great care but the accouterments of novelty like candy, condiments, stuff written in ketchup ... listen, I have so very few tricks up my sleeve as a housewife that this chocolate bar thing is really gonna throw me right outta the element if I cannot get to the bottom of this.

Kitchener stores only seem to have those Island Bars or whatever they're called, the Bounty knockoffs, and this new one I saw called Luppo (I think -- the font is kooky on the eyes) Dream Bar (which may be more accurately called Luppo Length of Dry Sponge Food Discouragement Bar) but those Meteors and Titans are nowhere to be found for us!

Attachment 312262

I did contact Dollarama about it awhile back, and now I'm awaiting response. This was done through email, which is usually the easiest way to contact head offices but is still fraught with quite enough frustration -- unless you derive a sense of pleasure and personal fulfillment from being jerked around, ignored, openly and almost viciously unappreciated as a customer ... or you really enjoy the anger management challenge set on course by receiving handfuls of template email responses in initial lieu of a human actually addressing your concerns & even then only with reading comprehension above that of a chicken [the smart kind that can play Tic-Tac-Toe with their poop, but poultry nonetheless]. Or you dig the special time when a person covers birds for breaks & you get the pleasure of struggling to understand, through the blizzard of typos and whimsical take on punctuation resulting in what could have been someone asleep on the keyboard, and, OF COURSE, wasting sooooo much of your dang time that you could be using to trawl Dollarama stores for cool gear, or recklessly eat a bunch of candy bars that are so bad that your emergency room visit for gastrointestinal repair would be marked as attempted suicide, or writing posts on a freebie board seeking out aforementioned "chocolate-type product" enrobed sticks of what may as well be slightly damp drywall.

All that was to say -- I will self defenestrate before I PHONE Head Office, a labyrinthine day-mare of ping-ponging involuntarily between various departments unrelated to your query, left on hold to dissolve into an indignant frenzy as 90s-era Jewel forms the soundtrack to your emotional breakdown, then finally being informed that due to store policy, nobody wants to help you & you can't make 'em, so go suck an egg! Sometimes it's so extreme that it gets really funny -- the audacity, the total disregard for customers, laissez faire approach to communication, it all gets so rich.

The attitude seems to comes off as,

"We can do whatever we want to you twerps! We could pour hot soup in your lap, push you backwards into a four-way intersection, and donate your kids to science, and you'd STILL be in one of our stores EVERY SINGLE WEEK without fail, spending hours stalking our aisles for the treasures we've scattered to keep you dimwits busy, and you'd even still be consistently going over your generous budget by at least double! WE'VE GOT YOU, coming, going, and never, ever leaving!

As WHO DARE POLICE THE DISCOUNT STORE KINGS?! We are above the petty "basic courtesy" requests of peasants!

In fact, ALL OF OUR CASHIERS WILL NOW BE REPLACED WITH HYENAS, with pay raises given out per terrified customer chased out (post payment) and down the street for 45 minutes, intentional jaw-locked bitings for each person upon exit, and all acts of replacing bagged merchandise with half-eaten goose carcasses ... and you still won't waste your time trying other dollar stores!

BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT WE'RE THE BEST, and we know it too -- we actually figured it out first.

Enjoy the zoo stew, chumps!"