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  1. #1
    CaLoonie
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    My father in-law wanted to have a family reunion in our home country this coming December He is requesting all of his kids and family to be there. At the start, ever since we heard his request, we don't promise anyone that we can make it, we use to tell them that it will depends, nor will see.

    Airfare alone will cost us at least 4 thousand for 2 adults, 1 kid & 1 baby. I am not working; no income at all, not even EI. We just bought a house last 6 months ago. We moved from Manitoba to Alberta last year which made our funds drought. Considering the facts I mentioned they are still expecting us to make it.

    On the 1st week of October, my husband made a final statement and our reasons why we cannot make it. My dad-in-law felt that he is not important to us and couldn't understand what we are going through, such kind of dramas. My y sis-in-law were telling my husband to come home even if it just him, in which my husband disagreed.

    On the 2nd week, she told me about the mall whose having a jobfair. The next day she told me about the job openings that she saw online. Then, Sunday last week she told me about the cheap fares. Its annoying to have a notifications from her. I felt that she's pushing me to find a job so that we can make it to my husbands side family reunion.

    I am looking for a job, but I am looking for a night jobs, and just weekends , so that I can still take care of the kids. We have two kids and were just trying to avoid the daycare fees or babysitting charges.

    My sis-in-law was volunteering to look for my 1 year old while shes in her maternity, but what happens next? She' s going back to work on March.

    My husband asked a favor to his sister to stopped those notifications and that we already made our decisions. The latter set up the fire and throwed many issues.
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    Newfiescreech Newfiescreech's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=dzjhow;6702373]My father in-law wanted to have a family reunion in our home country this coming December He is requesting all of his kids and family to be there. At the start, ever since we heard his request, we don't promise anyone that we can make it, we use to tell them that it will depends, nor will see.

    Airfare alone will cost us at least 4 thousand for 2 adults, 1 kid & 1 baby. I am not working; no income at all, not even EI. We just bought a house last 6 months ago. We moved from Manitoba to Alberta last year which made our funds drought. Considering the facts I mentioned they are still expecting us to make it.

    On the 1st week of October, my husband made a final statement and our reasons why we cannot make it. My dad-in-law felt that he is not important to us and couldn't understand what we are going through, such kind of dramas. My y sis-in-law were telling my husband to come home even if it just him, in which my husband disagreed.

    On the 2nd week, she told me about the mall whose having a jobfair. The next day she told me about the job openings that she saw online. Then, Sunday last week she told me about the cheap fares. Its annoying to have a notifications from her. I felt that she's pushing me to find a job so that we can make it to my husbands side family reunion.

    I am looking for a job, but I am looking for a night jobs, and just weekends , so that I can still take care of the kids. We have two kids and were just trying to avoid the daycare fees or babysitting charges.

    My sis-in-law was volunteering to look for my 1 year old while shes in her maternity, but what happens next? She' s going back to work on March.

    My husband asked a favor to his sister to stopped those notifications and that we already made our decisions. The latter set up the fire and throwed many issues.[/QUOTE


    So sad that some family's don't consider what other family members are going through.. longs they gets what they want .. if they want you's there sooo badly ... why don't they purchase your flights and bring you's home for family reunion.. maybe then you guys might decide take them up on their offer .. guess if that happen .. then you might get that brought up million times . Stand your grounds and do what you guys want .. if you can't afford it then enough said about it .. tell them stay out your business

  3. #3
    CaLoonie
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    Thank you Newfiersreech. We initially made them understand our situation, then we cracked a joke telling them that maybe if someone will pay for our flights. Then one of my sis-in-law told us that she's gonna pay 1/2 fare for my 8 year old, . She's not mentioning about the fares, as the days closer.

    Assuming she's gonna shoulder 1/2 fare of my 8 year old we still can't make it. I do appreciate her willingness, but we still cant afford.

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    Smart Canuck
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    Quote Originally Posted by dzjhow View Post
    Thank you Newfiersreech. We initially made them understand our situation, then we cracked a joke telling them that maybe if someone will pay for our flights. Then one of my sis-in-law told us that she's gonna pay 1/2 fare for my 8 year old, . She's not mentioning about the fares, as the days closer.

    Assuming she's gonna shoulder 1/2 fare of my 8 year old we still can't make it. I do appreciate her willingness, but we still cant afford.
    I actually think you are a little picky about the jobs you want and times if you need the money and if you can't afford it your hubby should at least go. Parents especially moms are not going to around forever, enjoy them while you can!

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    Smart Canuck padyofurniture's Avatar
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    It's a shame they are pressuring you to go even when they know that you are without the funds to make it happen. Even if you were to get a job right now, you wouldn't likely get the time off anyways. Most businesses want all hands on deck for the holiday season.

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    Sith Lady and Cool Kid Darth Penguin's Avatar
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    Remember..."No "is a complete sentence.

    Also never Justify
    Argue
    Defend
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    .


    Short answer : no Long answer : NOOOOOOOOOOO!

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  7. #7
    CaLoonie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Davetherave View Post
    I actually think you are a little picky about the jobs you want and times if you need the money and if you can't afford it your hubby should at least go. Parents especially moms are not going to around forever, enjoy them while you can!
    Yes, I am picky with the sched because I have 2 kids, childcare for both of them will cost 1750 thats why I am just looking for the opposite sched of my hubby from work so that it will not cost us any childcare.

    I am convincing my husband to go even before my sis-in-law said so, but my husband don't want to go without us. He was telling me that he wants to save the money for other important matters. DH mom is gone since he was 6 years old. His dad is residing at US, he said that we can just visit him together at US and it will not cost that much vs going home to our home country.

  8. #8
    CaLoonie
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    Thank you for understanding padyofurniture it made me feel better. That's exactly our point , not to mention that my husbands company under new management.

  9. #9
    CaLoonie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darth Penguin View Post
    Remember..."No "is a complete sentence.

    Also never Justify
    Argue
    Defend
    Explain





    .
    Thank you Darth Penguin, its just that my y sis-in-law keep on bugging us. DH is making good but bills is running after us. Thank goodness for the smart canucks family. Im able to Cut grocery budget.

  10. #10
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    It is hard to say no to family... I've had to learn the hard way to say "no" to my mother when it's just not possible - either financially or physically... and you know what? My mother actually understood when I explained why to her. Now I feel no ill will saying "no" to her when I genuinely can't do it.

    Now from the story (if I read right) it sounds more like it's your sister-in-law that's the more persistent. While I'm sure your father-in-law really wants you to be there, and maybe a little hurt that you can't make it -- it really has to be understood that it's not possible for you right now. While family is important (and I agree with Davetherave's point on that)... if you cant afford to go, and it's not possible due to work and your own home life, then you just can't.

    Why not offer some sort of 'remote' option... like Skype or some other option so you can be there in spirit. ?
    Last edited by bhlombardy; Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 10:52 PM.

  11. #11
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    in this next bit, I am NOT saying YOUR family is being selfish here. Just a bit persistent (or insistent, perhaps) -- but it did remind me of something else...

    I find that people can be a tad selfish when they hold an event that's "away" from where most everyone else is. They expect everyone to be there and then they get offended when people aren't "willing" to travel to be with them. Sometimes it's not about "willing" it's about ability.

    I'm speaking, of course, about friends who decide to get married in some romantic/exotic location...

    They send out wedding invitations in August to all their family and friends in Atlantic Canada saying "The wedding is in December... in Mexico!" -- They expect you to fly there, stay at the resort they chose and pay for it all yourself... and be there in the middle of December. Then get all upset, offended, and angry at those who say "I can't afford to fly to Mexico for the weekend that close to Christmas".

    From the pictures, I'll grant them that the location they picked is beautiful. But they don't know anyone in Mexico, and they aren't going to be living there. They're going to be living in frickin' Halifax afterward. They want their honeymoon to be in Mexico... and they ant to kick it off with the wedding... and they want everyone from here, to go there for THEIR day.

    The trip (for two people) to go would cost around $5000 for airfare and to stay at their resort of choice.

    Look, I'd love nothing more that to go to Mexico in the middle of December. If I could afford to fly to Mexico on a whim, I'd have done it before now. It's not about your wedding, it's about the impossibility of me getting there. People just don't think...

  12. #12
    CaLoonie
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    Quote Originally Posted by bhlombardy View Post
    It is hard to say no to family... I've had to learn the hard way to say "no" to my mother when it's just not possible - either financially or physically... and you know what? My mother actually understood when I explained why to her. Now I feel no ill will saying "no" to her when I genuinely can't do it.

    Now from the story (if I read right) it sounds more like it's your sister-in-law that's the more persistent. While I'm sure your father-in-law really wants you to be there, and maybe a little hurt that you can't make it -- it really has to be understood that it's not possible for you right now. While family is important (and I agree with Davetherave's point on that)... if you cant afford to go, and it's not possible due to work and your own home life, then you just can't.

    Why not offer some sort of 'remote' option... like Skype or some other option so you can be there in spirit. ?
    We haven't talked about the remote option yet, like skyping on the day of the celebration, but we told them that we'll be visiting them in US instead.

  13. #13
    CaLoonie
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    bhlombardy - its my sis-in-law who is persistent. My husband dont want to go because of the budget ; he might not get a vacation due to new management; he is considering the fact that I may get employed before the year ends, who's taking care of the kids if he needs to go for 2 weeks, as the employer wouldn't give me a time off( just an assumption if I get wmployed before the year ends)
    Last edited by dzjhow; Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 11:39 PM.

  14. #14
    Dancing bean paste bun Ciel's Avatar
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    I have a feeling that sis-in-law will hold any favours she does for you if she were able to convince DH or both of you to fly wherever this reunion is to be.
    I agree with other posters who suggested Skype-somehow figure out the best hour for you here to be "live there" during the daytime over there.
    Yes, F-I-L is showing true colours to act like a drama king and not offering to cover something for all three fares. A real Lady Catherine deBurgh (Pride & Prejudice reference for the PBS fans), he is.
    OP, you know your situation and hold fast.
    2017-Year of the Rooster

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    Canadian Genius wolfwoman's Avatar
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    You have to take care of your DH and kids first....period. And if that means offending " family" because you cannot afford to go to their get together, then so be it. Keeping a house over your heads, bills paid, food in the cupboards is more important.
    Just call me Wolfie

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