Parenting '101'

[crissynfld]

kids crying in the store for anything is totally unacceptable. It should never get to the point where your child screams and cries for something, anything, no matter if it is at home or in public.

Parents need to teach the child proper behaviour from when they're little, then these tantrums will never happen. sure, all kids push boundaries sometimes, and may request something more than once, but the whole tantrum thing is so unavoidable.

if the kid is screaming about a snack, obviously the parent is not in control, the kid is. and that kid knows how to manipulate the parent.

I don't think it's tough love when the parent denies a screaming kid whatever it is they are screaming about. sounds more like a parent who didn't teach their kid manners, and now they're trying to ignore the behaviour after the kid has already formed a habit of pushing the parent around.

I really dont believe in shutting out my childs emotions if hes frustrated its perfectly normal to let frustration out, you just have to teach them the right ways to deal with your frustration otherwise you have children who are to scared to let go of there anger and they end up holding it all in and that just isnt healthy.

[rachel1496]

This may seem off topic, but I've noticed a lot of parent's that have no compassion. It's bad enough dealing with it, but to have people constantly day in and day out ask what's wrong with him, or look at him like they wouldn't wanna deal with it. *sigh* Or look at me like I've done it to him.

And that's my rant for the day

Oh, I hate "What's wrong with him?" with a passion. C was born tiny (5lbs12oz) but perfectly healthy. I got so sick of strangers asking how old he was and when I told them they'd go "Oh, but he's so tiny. What's wrong with him?"

Seriously, there is no better way to offend a parent than to imply that something is "wrong" with their child.

Also, kids aren't born knowing what is good behaviour and what isn't. You have to teach them and then take them out and let them practice it for themselves. Sometimes they'll slip up and you'll have to remind them. It's all a part of learning.

[frugiedh]

Children should be seen, and heard and listened to.

It's not the end of the world if you child cries in a store. I'd say 99% of children have at one time or another cried or screamed or had a temper tantrum in a store. It doesn't make the parent "bad" or negligent and it doesn't mean the child is bad or lacks respect. It's part of a child expressing themselves and learning.

What kid wants to spend hours in a store anyways? They'd rather be out playing or they probably should be sleeping.

[Maple]

After 16 years of parenting an incredibly difficult child, I have long past the point where I give a crap about what anyone else in a store thinks.

[ljclo]

After 16 years of parenting an incredibly difficult child, I have long past the point where I give a crap about what anyone else in a store thinks.

Amen. I only have 3 years of parenting an incredibly high needs child, and I am getting to that point myself.

My son went from super happy boy to a full out swinging at me throwing himself to the floor fit tonight because I asked him to go pee before going to bed. It happens in a blink of an eye and is often over just as fast. He has been sent home from daycare because of one of these tantrums. At first I was afraid that the daycare, or people in the store, or our neighbours would think we are bad parents. Now I know that we are just doing the best that we can do and hope to God he grows out of it.

I have a friend who also has a child about my son's age, very quiet and reserved, never throws tantrums in a store, doesn't talk back. She also thinks it is due to her superb parenting. She just had her second child, so hopefully she doesn't get one with a temper like mine and then get the rude awakening that it is very much luck of the draw and not her fabulous parenting skills that made her first child so well behaved.

Laura

[WAKEFORSOUL]

Children should be seen, and heard and listened to.

It's not the end of the world if you child cries in a store. I'd say 99% of children have at one time or another cried or screamed or had a temper tantrum in a store. It doesn't make the parent "bad" or negligent and it doesn't mean the child is bad or lacks respect. It's part of a child expressing themselves and learning.

What kid wants to spend hours in a store anyways? They'd rather be out playing or they probably should be sleeping.

So I agree that children should be seen, heard and listened to but crying in a store and screaming/throwing a tantrum is 2 totally different things.
A child should never think that throwing a tantrum is a good way to express themselves. If the parent corrects this problem right away tantrums should only happen once and never again (unless your child has problems)... I agree it is all in the way that people discipline their children and if you think that letting your children away with tantrums is okay or a way of letting them express themselves then there is something seriously wrong with your parenting skills.


YES I HAVE 2 CHILDREN

[ex0ticb3lla]

So I agree that children should be seen, heard and listened to but crying in a store and screaming/throwing a tantrum is 2 totally different things.
A child should never think that throwing a tantrum is a good way to express themselves. If the parent corrects this problem right away tantrums should only happen once and never again (unless your child has problems)... I agree it is all in the way that people discipline their children and if you think that letting your children away with tantrums is okay or a way of letting them express themselves then there is something seriously wrong with your parenting skills.


YES I HAVE 2 CHILDREN

Well said

[Sally888]

A child should never think that throwing a tantrum is a good way to express themselves. If the parent corrects this problem right away tantrums should only happen once and never again (unless your child has problems)... I agree it is all in the way that people discipline their children and if you think that letting your children away with tantrums is okay or a way of letting them express themselves then there is something seriously wrong with your parenting skills.


YES I HAVE 2 CHILDREN

No, I dont say it's ok to my child and I do correct him immediately, but to say it shouldnt happen again and never again... then say your kid has problems is pretty freaking insulting.
My child does not have ''problems'' but it takes a while to get into a 2 year olds head not to throw fits.
I never said its ok or its a way for them to express themselves, read any parenting book and they say there emotions are not developed enough to know how to deal yet.
It doesnt make my kid slow or problematic, hes in his terrible two's im a good parent, if not sometimes too strict.

It's all fine and dandy to throw insults like that until your the good parent and god blesses you with a child that is the stellar opposite of your first child and gives you a run for your money.

[WAKEFORSOUL]

No, I dont say it's ok to my child and I do correct him immediately, but to say it shouldnt happen again and never again... then say your kid has problems is pretty freaking insulting.
My child does not have ''problems'' but it takes a while to get into a 2 year olds head not to throw fits.
I never said its ok or its a way for them to express themselves, read any parenting book and they say there emotions are not developed enough to know how to deal yet.
It doesnt make my kid slow or problematic, hes in his terrible two's im a good parent, if not sometimes too strict.

Maybe I worded that wrong!! I am sorry I didn't mean YOUR child has problems.. I mean sometimes kids with disabilities never learn and I can understand that. If my child continued to throw a tantrum then he doesn't get to go out.... that is that!! there are consequences and if they are harsh enough then your child will learn that he/she doesn't want them and will behave.

[Sally888]

Thanks for correcting that.

Zachery is my little angel, but the devil at the same time.

Tonight he grabbed milk out of the fridge threw it all over the floor laughed ran away, then punched his brother in the head.

Hes a handful, I try my best with him but hes a big trouble making bully, of course he got put in time out and a talking to, but its a daily routine of trouble making and fit throwing.

He doesnt have any disabilities or anything different about him, other then he gives me a run for my money basically every day.

Im really hoping this ''phase'' is over. It doesnt help hes as large as a 3.5 year old child either and his 9 year old brother is the size of a 7 year old.

[frugiedh]

Amen. I only have 3 years of parenting an incredibly high needs child, and I am getting to that point myself.

My son went from super happy boy to a full out swinging at me throwing himself to the floor fit tonight because I asked him to go pee before going to bed. It happens in a blink of an eye and is often over just as fast. He has been sent home from daycare because of one of these tantrums. At first I was afraid that the daycare, or people in the store, or our neighbours would think we are bad parents. Now I know that we are just doing the best that we can do and hope to God he grows out of it.

I have a friend who also has a child about my son's age, very quiet and reserved, never throws tantrums in a store, doesn't talk back. She also thinks it is due to her superb parenting. She just had her second child, so hopefully she doesn't get one with a temper like mine and then get the rude awakening that it is very much luck of the draw and not her fabulous parenting skills that made her first child so well behaved.

Laura

Laura- Hang in there! I'm sure you are an awesome parent! This describes what my daughter (second child) was like at 3 years old. I could not talk her out of, impose any kind of "punishment", "parent her" in any way, or "correct" it, that would PREVENT her from having a temper tantrum. It was always like the tantrum was "in there" and just had to get out!

Yes, it was a phase. We had to weather the storminess of her moods for a while and yes, she did grow out of it and they happened less and less frequently but it was an incredibly difficult and extremely exhausting time.

I just don't think you should judge another parent's skills OR JUDGE THE CHILD by a 5 minute encounter in a store, that's all.

After reading this comment by WAKEFORSOUL:

"I agree it is all in the way that people discipline their children and if you think that letting your children away with tantrums is okay or a way of letting them express themselves then there is something seriously wrong with your parenting skills."

....and feeling very angry inside to be judged by someone who doesn't even know me, I realize that it is time for me to leave this forum and that is a very very good thing. Life is way too short to waste it here.
Good bye!

[swouper2]

We called them "nuclear meltdowns", my dd used to get them after a few weeks of pent up frustration. If she was having a hard time with something; like she had decided to learn how to do something, and it wasn't coming easily, or if she just couldn't accomplish something that she saw big kids doing, she would stress about it.

After a couple of weeks, she would finally just lose it over the most trivial things, and would have a quick tantrum, followed by the hugest crying fit ever, for about half an hour, then she would be able to cope with life again.

At 5, she has learned to deal in public, and break down at home. At 2 and 3 - Yeah right! We could discipline her out of bad behaviour, but we could do nothing but comfort in a meltdown. She's s great kid.

Why don't we take another look at these kids in 5 years, and we'll see that we are good parents.

Our job is not to make them behave perfectly at all times, it is to teach them to become decent adults, and to be able to live good lives without us, someday!

[crissynfld]

Child phycologists actually say before a child is three that punishment is only causing emotional distress because the child doesnt understand.. instead you should nurture your childs feelings, and try to show them the right way to express themselves, I think ill go with what the experts say rather then an overly confident persons opinions of there superior parenting skills. my mom thought she had wonderful obedient children as well until we were teenshers and rebelled like crazy. Only time will tell I guess.

[ilovemykids]

After 16 years of parenting an incredibly difficult child, I have long past the point where I give a crap about what anyone else in a store thinks.

[LisaLisaBoBisa]

is debate and discussion no more? is there a thread/post about this? thanks if anyone can answer