Parenting '101'

[POWERADE]

I went to the store yesterday at walmart actually, in the food isle there was a boy about 9 years old and his mom, and he was crying hard because he wanted popcorn and his mom wouldn't buy it. I felt bad for him because out of all the things in the store he could have asked for he only wanted popcorn. So how do to you feel about situations in stores like this with parents and their kids? Do you consider them bad parents? do you believe it's just tough love?

[Milton4doe]

There are a million reasons that kid could have been having that freak out session. Over stimulation, tired, cranky, back to school, Shopping at WALMART on Sunday!!! Anyway, there are way worse things then popcorn as you say, but personally I won't tolerate that from my 4yr old or my 2 yr old. If we are out in a store and a temper trantrum starts then sometimes I will purchase the item if I can't get control of the situation and tell them I will give it to them later . There are ways to avoid those meltdowns like reminding them before you go in that you are not shopping for treats. Or letting them select a small item.

[anisa]

kids crying in the store for anything is totally unacceptable. It should never get to the point where your child screams and cries for something, anything, no matter if it is at home or in public.

Parents need to teach the child proper behaviour from when they're little, then these tantrums will never happen. sure, all kids push boundaries sometimes, and may request something more than once, but the whole tantrum thing is so unavoidable.

if the kid is screaming about a snack, obviously the parent is not in control, the kid is. and that kid knows how to manipulate the parent.

I don't think it's tough love when the parent denies a screaming kid whatever it is they are screaming about. sounds more like a parent who didn't teach their kid manners, and now they're trying to ignore the behaviour after the kid has already formed a habit of pushing the parent around.

[POWERADE]

There are a million reasons that kid could have been having that freak out session. Over stimulation, tired, cranky, back to school, Shopping at WALMART on Sunday!!! Anyway, there are way worse things then popcorn as you say, but personally I won't tolerate that from my 4yr old or my 2 yr old. If we are out in a store and a temper trantrum starts then sometimes I will purchase the item if I can't get control of the situation and tell them I will give it to them later . There are ways to avoid those meltdowns like reminding them before you go in that you are not shopping for treats. Or letting them select a small item.

it was defiantly over the popcorn as an older lady in all niceness said to her all kids are like huh? and the boy said to his mom after the lady made the comment i only wanted popcorn lol

[anisa]

omg, if all kids are like that, dunno what kind of brats the old lady raised.

that cheeky little boy probably cries the same way for everything.

like, i'm not mean with my kid when we go shopping, but heck she listens when I tell her something isn't appropriate. my hubby and i deal with her in ways that show a respectful mannersim, and she's been trained that way.

yes, kids get cranky and tired, but they don't need to act out with tantrums (or give cheeky replies to their parents)

[rachel1496]

Even if it was just popcorn, any kid of mine who decides to throw a tantrum in public gets nothing.

I don't think it's fair to say that ignoring a tantrum means your chid is in control of you. If anything it's showing your kids that you are the one in control and that screaming and throwing fits are not going to get them the results they want.

[vibrantflame]

I try not to judge....never knowing the circumstances unless you are the parent and that is your child. I once read this article in a magazine and this woman was talking about how people often think her child is spoiled and misbehaved because she throws huge violent tempers in stores and so on and her daughter is like 6 or 7. But her daughter actually has a disability (I think it was autism? not sure), and so because she doesn't look like there is anything wrong with her, people just blame it on bad parenting.

My son is 1 1/2 and we try very hard to teach him proper behaviour but he is at an age where his emotions still very much control him so sometimes he does have temper tantrums out in public. And, for us, we can't always just leave the store right away and he wouldn't care if we did, so ignoring him is really the best thing we can do if he won't listen (which he won't always do, being at that age and all).

[smb127]

I have brought my kids shopping with me since the day they were born. Once, one of them tried to pull the cry thing and I left everything at the store, packed the kids up and left them with thier father and went back to finish my shopping. They have never tried it again. They know I'll just bring them home.

My little guy tries so hard sometimes to get a treat, but he goes about it the wrong way. We will be sitting in that car about to get out and he will say "I know, I can't get anything". I laugh to myself over this cause it happens all the time. I just look at him and say "Well I may have gotten you a treat, but not now". One day he will learn to keep his mouth shout and he'll get a treat. LOL

There is no way I'll ever give them a treat if they ask. If they are good and I fell in the mood, then I'll say, "OK, you can each find a toy Or whatever of X$'s." It doesn't happen often, but they are so happy when it does.

I can't complain too mush as they are usually very good at the store.

[twin]

I would tell the Mom "Buy the darn popcorn already, and shut him up"




only kidding!!

[juniperjune]

Powerade, do you have children of your own? If not, you'll see that you will become one of those annyoing people shopping with screaming kids. I became one with a screaming baby at Walmart, Canadian Tire, Super C... Life happens and we have no control over it sometimes.
I can't judge this situation as I was not there to witness it. Plus, I do not know what else happened in that kid's day. Was he being like this all day, tired out, hungry, does he have emotional problems, are the parents horrible? Did the mother need to get her shopping done and could not afford to leave the store?

[swouper2]

Well, Don't I feel like an idiot.

Yesterday I HAD to go shopping (It's bad parenting to not feed them), and my ds was in a mood. I knew it was going to be a bad trip, so I just hurried through, and did not let him get what he wanted. (BTW - he's 2, and doesn't know what best for him) What he wanted was to stand on the handle bars of the cart. (No I have never allowed that, and don't know where he got the idea, he just gets ideas in his head)

Anyway, I got my food, got home, and had a much better day afterwards.

When I only had one child - I could give her the attention she needed whenever she needed it, and did not have any issues in public with manners. Now that there are more kids, sometimes I cannot be everything to everyone at all times. I have to laugh when I see posts that attack my parenting, and I only have two things to say about it.

1 - You must have an only child - maybe don't have more...
2 - If you could do better, come on over and show me... I dare you...

I've had experienced daycare workers who wre also Moms spend some time with my 2nd, and they just laugh, and realize that my job will not be easy. HE IS HIS FATHER. There's not much I can do, He's intelligent, kind, sympathic, and fun to be around. He shares, he cares about other's feelings, and when he gets an idea in his head, LOOK OUT. Distraction is not an option, he has more focus than I could dream of having. Time outs do not work. Spanking does not work. Removing him from the situation only works if we actually get in the car and go to a location far away.

If anyone is such a great parent that they have ideas that are not published, please let me know. I'll take any help I can get. BTW - I'm at my wit's end, and my dh is leaving for a year with the forces in two weeks - so now's probably not a great time to critisize without offering any real advice...

[harkatsmom]

Wow, hard to give an answer as I am not sure what the kid was being like through the store, or before hand for that matter....

I usually try to buy my girls a treat when we are at the store, but if they ever tantrumed for something, they would definitely not be getting it, as this is no way to ask or behave if you want something...

Plus if you give in because of the tantrum, you have just opened yourself a whole can of worms for future shopping trips..

[harkatsmom]

Well, Don't I feel like an idiot.

Yesterday I HAD to go shopping (It's bad parenting to not feed them), and my ds was in a mood. I knew it was going to be a bad trip, so I just hurried through, and did not let him get what he wanted. (BTW - he's 2, and doesn't know what best for him) What he wanted was to stand on the handle bars of the cart. (No I have never allowed that, and don't know where he got the idea, he just gets ideas in his head)

Anyway, I got my food, got home, and had a much better day afterwards.

When I only had one child - I could give her the attention she needed whenever she needed it, and did not have any issues in public with manners. Now that there are more kids, sometimes I cannot be everything to everyone at all times. I have to laugh when I see posts that attack my parenting, and I only have two things to say about it.

1 - You must have an only child - maybe don't have more...
2 - If you could do better, come on over and show me... I dare you...

I've had experienced daycare workers who wre also Moms spend some time with my 2nd, and they just laugh, and realize that my job will not be easy. HE IS HIS FATHER. There's not much I can do, He's intelligent, kind, sympathic, and fun to be around. He shares, he cares about other's feelings, and when he gets an idea in his head, LOOK OUT. Distraction is not an option, he has more focus than I could dream of having. Time outs do not work. Spanking does not work. Removing him from the situation only works if we actually get in the car and go to a location far away.

If anyone is such a great parent that they have ideas that are not published, please let me know. I'll take any help I can get. BTW - I'm at my wit's end, and my dh is leaving for a year with the forces in two weeks - so now's probably not a great time to critisize without offering any real advice...

My 4 year old went through some real fiestiness for a while, so what I would do is never leave home without her favorite snack and a toy/book that she really loved, and when she would get cranky in the store, I would give it to her....She really loved the small magna doodle and aqua doodle so I would hide that at home and only give it to her when we were out and she was having a moment...

If it is any constellation Swouper, they usually outgrow this behaviour

[swouper2]

Thanks.

I think anyone who reads this may have realized that I am having a bad day.

I am sorry that I lost it, and went off on a rant about comments that really had nothing to do with me.

I guess what I should have said is this.

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we all have really bad days. And as John Hoffman always goes on about in Todays Parent magazine (he's my favourite) we as parents need to spend more time supporting each other, so we can do better (and we can all do better, nobody's perfect), and less time critisizing each other for being "bad parents"

The only "bad parents" are the ones who don't care, aren't trying, or are abusive.

The rest of us are trying our best, and some days we do better than others, but we love our kids, and we'll keep trying.

As for me - I'll continue to try, and somedays will be better than today. But if you see someone really struglling, and maybe even seeming unreasonable out in public in the next few weeks, go easy, it might be me, and our family is going through a rough patch right now. A smile at the grocery store would be much more helpful than a judgemental comment.

[harkatsmom]

All I have to say, is before your a parent, you have all of the answers for parenting, and once you become a parent, you no longer have them answers...LOL