Parents with daughters! First bra input needed!

[ninna]

Well, I find myself in uncharted territory and I need some advice. I'm looking for some input on when you bought your daughter her first bra. haha I almost called it a "training bra," which must certainly date me. Don't think they call them that anymore!

Tonight my daughter indicated she would like to start wearing a bra. After picking my mouth up off the floor (oh the courage it must've taken her to ask me that at all!) and getting over the initial shock that I am even having this conversation already, I told her I needed some time to mull it over and to check out what's out there in her size etc etc... basically, I needed some time to solicit advice because I am torn and I don't know what to say to her.

My daughter is 10. Puberty is nowhere in sight. lol. And that reason alone is the reason I would hesitate about the whole bra thing. I mean--there's nothing there. Nada. So it' s not going to be a bra she wears for support purposes. And part of me is always thinking ahead, you know? Bra now...then what? Thong underwear? lol. I jest, but you get my drift.The minute you fulfill a want, they move on to wanting something different...so what would the next want be?

My daughter has suggested that many of the other girls in her class are wearing them this year including others girls for whom puberty is light years away. I don't want to fall prey to the "all the other girls are doing it" trap; at the same time, I remember the peer pressure around bras at that age and oh-my-god-- boobs are such a big deal in grade 5. I remember begging my mother for a bra when I was in grade 4 already even though I was flat as a board and didn't truly need one for a good 5 more years. LOL. I don't think my own mom bought me a bra til I was in grade 6 and by then, I was too mortified to wear it, the novelty of boobs having long worn off.

I suspect things have changed since I was her age. I remember getting fitted for a bra and the smallest size they made was a 28A. There's so many more options nowadays (ie sports bras etc). Hell, do they even make them for girls that size? (oh..and she is a good 3 inches away from that 28A)

Am I crazy when I think she's too young? Or am I just being "old fashioned" and clearly have forgotten the angst is it to be 10 years old. Darnit-all, I wish my mother was still alive so I could ask her this question!!!

Ok SC'ers-- let me hear your advice/feedback/comments!

[KrazE]

Head to Walmart and find the standard non-padded AAA or AA (those are the smallest ones). It's pretty much just a step up from wearing those white undershirts really. My daughter asked me around 11 yrs old, so we found very soft (and super inexpensive!) ones at Walmart for her.

Try to stick with cotton, and avoid anything with lace or thin shiny straps as that may become uncomfortable for her while she gets used to the feeling of wearing a bra.

[marstec]

There are bras that look more like sports bras...that might be a good start. She will probably be very self conscious at first, so as KrazE mentioned, get one that is made of comfortable materials. Good luck!

[Darth Penguin]

Penguinette 2 has just started 5th grade and has the start of boobage plus she's menstruating as well....Puberty does come from nowhere at times...

Like KrazE I headed to Wal*Mart and got something which is more like a bandeau than a real bra. It certainly stops nipples showing through clothing which is something both the Penguinettes mentioned that they could see on both themselves and their friends at that age. Plus as I remember growing breasts do tend to rub more on clothing possibly because you are not used to having breasts...

[Chantel]

Just get her something. A day bra with no underwire, shelf bra, sports-bra type thing with spaghetti straps if she wants that.

It seems like at that age, it's more about being covered up. She's 10. She's going to begin developing and she's beginning to realize if she has to wear a bikini top in the pool, that's something girls cover up. If she has to change for gym class or something and all the other girls are wearing little bras, imagine how out of place and strange she'd feel with her chest uncovered, like a boy? Sometimes it's about boobs. Sometimes it's about self-awareness.

Just have her look at some photos of styles online. If she finds one she can handle, you can go shopping for it together.

[krysta lynne]

my daughter is going to be eight and she asked me for one a couple weeks ago. she said she wanted a training one because she has teeny tiny ones starting. (i was kind of shocked when i realized she was developing a little even at this age. sigh) i told her i would think about it. i think a sports one is good for now. and if your daughter doesnt have anything than maybe that would be the way to go?

[ninna]

Well, SC'ers thanks so much for your advice!

I did some looking around on the internet and discovered that indeed, things have changed since I was a kid and if you'll pardon the pun, a whole market appears to have developed around tween bras. Mostly I was needing to reassure myself that I wasn't crazy for contemplating the purchase...because I was leaning toward saying yes to her.

And you folks have also reassured me that there's plenty of options. Thanks for the recommendations. I think me and DD will be making a trip this week to check some out.

Thanks so much guys!!!

[c_mcarthur]

sigh... puberty was bad for me.
I was a slow grower, meaning it look me a good 4 years to get fully shaped breasts.
I know how uncomfortable and how much it sucks hitting puberty.
kids can be so cruel, I remember wanting a bra at 11 and 12 because my breasts were just starting to develop and I was having ''nipple shirt syndrome'' that was the most embarassing thing was you could see your nipples through your shirt.
I totally understand why your daughter wants one.
My mom got me one of those really small A cups cotton bras. they at least covered up/smoothed out the bulge

[ninna]

^ Puberty sucks all the way around, imo. LOL. I still remember that wishing for a bra too. It was embarrassing and exhilarating; exciting and scary all at the same time. haha.

Well, we went shopping a few days ago. To my surprise there was an entire wall devoted to pre-teen bras. Who'd've thunkit?

Well, DD automatically went for the underwire padded push-up kind and I was like, "nuh-uh. We try the non underwire, non padded kind like this here sports bra FIRST and we discuss padding and underwires in, I dunno....another 6 years???" LOL. Seriously. Padding and underwire on my 10 year old? You have GOT to be kidding me. omg. Now I sound like MY mother!!! Will wonders never cease?

Anyhoo, she was quite excited about the purchase and even more excited to wear them. So there you go.

Thanks again everyone for the great advice!

[glowworm2k]

Just saw your thread and am glad it all worked out. I remember being a preteen (age 11, if I remember right) and my Mom refusing to buy me bras even though I actually had some boobs to cover, all because my sister had developed more slowly. She kept saying "Well, your sister didn't get one until she was 13; what do you expect, to be treated special?" I didn't want anything fancy; I would've been more than happy with sports bras - just anything to prevent getting teased, alleviate the discomfort of growing boobs, and also to make puberty a little more normal (as a lot of the other girls had at least training bras... this was the early 1990s, btw). I'm glad to hear that you've found a way to make your daughter comfortable, but also to not go to the whole side of sexualizing pre-teen girls (really?? padding in what's essentially a training bra?!?!?) that's unfortunately all too common nowadays

[alicia]

This is going to make me sound like an absolute pack rat, but I still have my training bras 16 years later after getting them at 11. They are just white boring, no underwire,... And sadly, still fit me (I've been the same height and general size since 12). I wear them on lazy days when I just don't want to go bra-less.

I am glad you got this figured out I was asically going to say the same thing about getting just cotton shelf bra style to cover any nipples and feel like you're on the same page with the other girls whether you need it or not. I totally agree on the no underwire thing for a 10 year old... And I am not a mother even

[Darth Penguin]

I'm glad to hear that you've found a way to make your daughter comfortable, but also to not go to the whole side of sexualizing pre-teen girls (really?? padding in what's essentially a training bra?!?!?) that's unfortunately all too common nowadays

Some paddng can make nipples a lot less obvious and really isn't sexualizing..the Penguinettes appear to have inherited my prominant nips..any thing which makes them less noticable to (male) students is a good thing in thier and my eyes. Though Peeping Toms may disagree..

[lucy16076]

lol...this thread makes me chuckle! ...I guess all I have to add is ... help your daughters realize that it's not a big deal, it's part of life, (both her mental & physical development about her changing body), and dont' make mountains out of mole hills. Chances are she'll wear it for a while then it'll get shoved to the back of her dresser drawer until she REALLY needs it....and if not, it's not hurting her to wear it. I guess with my kids, I try to keep things on an even keel, not getting too excited or over dramatize anything they seek answers to. Your daughter has a very valid concern at her age, but it is also one that ... after you get over the shock factor... isn't really that big of a deal. She's just growing up.
Now you can be on alert for the next size up on clearance racks & during sales! Good stocking stuffers!

[ninna]

^ awesome idea. I had not thought about the stocking stuffers. Although...at this point she is embarrassed about her daddy finding out that she's got them so I can't imagine putting those in the stocking and having her rip em open while mommy and daddy sit back and watch on Christmas morning...well, not this year, anyway. We may need to wait a few years before doing that

[alicia]

^ awesome idea. I had not thought about the stocking stuffers. Although...at this point she is embarrassed about her daddy finding out that she's got them so I can't imagine putting those in the stocking and having her rip em open while mommy and daddy sit back and watch on Christmas morning...well, not this year, anyway. We may need to wait a few years before doing that

My parents had a rule - NO undergarments under the Christmas tree. Since we have family over and show our gifts after Christmas morning they didn't want us to have to do a Vanna White of "and here's some new undies". I had the rule broken though when I was 10 or so and really wanted "days of the week" underwear that showed up under the tree