RAWR! Cottonelle Toilet Paper plus Aloe & Vitamin E

[caitfoster]

Alright. Let me start off by saying this product sucks! I hate it, DH hates it, and I am sure if the dogs wiped their butts they would hate it too.

Now let me tell you why. Shy away if you don't understand Toilet Humor.


Toilet paper has a rating system in our house. You must be able to use no more than a 5 square piece to wipe your bum (each wipe takes 5 squares, not five in total).

Next on our rating list is it must pass the James Brown Finger Puppet test. Meaning if your fingers brake through said toilet paper while wiping and you get yucky fingers, the toilet paper fails.

So I bought Cottonelle the other day because I had a coupon and the Charmin was too expensive. Let me list off the reasons why I hate this TP.

1. It didn't pass the five square test. It didn't even pass the ten square test, and pass that point i am afraid to flush the toilet with more than that!

2. Yucky fingers! Nobody likes that feeling, and I can tell you that it is a guarentee with this TP, even when wiping after a pee.

3. The Aloe and Vitamin E gave DH and I a funky rashy thing that wasn't there before we started using the TP.

4. It leaves a nasty film on your tushy from all the gross chemicals added to it to "be kind to your behind".

5. We just bought it two days ago and we have already plowed through three double rolls of it. (With Charmin Extra Strong one double roll lasts three days in this house)


Wow. Just wow. It is so terrible that I am going to write the company and complain. I don't do that unless I am really peeved off with a product.

Bottom line (lol), don't buy this crap!

Alright, no more poo poo humor. I await your responses.

[Evil.Kitten]

Omigod I'm laughing so hard!

My mother doesn't understand why I'm so incredibly anal [lol] about something so trivial as T.P. but.. ugh.. Charmin and Cottonelle I find leave bits of paper behind.. not chunks just.. a very odd.. filmy layer of powder like fine paper on my skins.. I ran out of kleenex the last time I had a cold and I blew my nose and choked and coughed on this weird powder like film! It literally BLEW apart the tissue.. I was laughing and angry and crying because of the insanity.. OOOH! I sneezed into some charmin papers yesterday [one of those realllllly bad hard sneezes that pull your stomach and chest ugh those suck!] and the paper when POOF like I'd blew baby powder out of my hand; I scared the crap out of my cat, he flew off my lap and hid under the sofa.

I just find those brands so nasty! Like I want this powder-y paper crap on my bottom area ugh.. YUCK!

I prefer the "cheaper" brands.. aka no-name brands from sobeys and loblaws... sure you gotta use some more papers... at least they don't leave powder on my arse.

On the subject of cheap.. i remember about 6 years ago when my dad bought this dollarstore TP when we were camping.. there was literally slivers of wood in the paper!

Omigod lol!

[Mia001]

3. The Aloe and Vitamin E gave DH and I a funky rashy thing that wasn't there before we started using the TP.
itchy! outch !
5. We just bought it two days ago and we have already plowed through three double rolls of it. (With Charmin Extra Strong one double roll lasts three days in this house).[/quote]

you're so right !

[Litesandsirens911]

Okay don't laugh, but I emailed Purex and told them their tp sucked big time...the tp left little "bits'' of tp in DH's butt crack( you know, guys have hair in that area, and bits of that tp would get stuck and he'd get all mad and frustrated)...so I emailed them and told them about the "situation"...DH was mortified when I told them...he was like "Oh my God, you didn't tell them that didn you? They are probably passing around that email laughing at me hysterically!!"' I couldn't stop laughing, I said "It's not as if they know who you are, so who cares!"...two weeks later, we got an appology and 2 fpc's for any Purex product...
but needless to say cait, I totally agree with you, because Cotonelle is crappy tp...it does the same thing...you get bum cooties in your crack!! Makes you feel like you need a baby wipe to clean it off!
OKAY, I'm sure that's TMI, but hey, the tp sucks these days..LOL

[Sally888]

We don't use charmin because its too thick and clogs our toilet.

But cottonelle, we rarely buy either. Its good willnot toilet paper as my husband calls it.

willnot' "it will not come off" as in sticks to his butt. Lmao.

[Litesandsirens911]

lmao @ sally..it is though isn't it, lol!

[AmberLab]

Bum cooties? Willnot paper? Oh my GEEZE! I have tears just *flowing* from laughing.

I haven't laughed this hard since the styrofoamed cow bum thread.


Royale is my happy medium of all TP's. Not too thick, squares are shaped nicely, not many left behinds on your behind.

ETA: I'm laughing so hard DH came into the room to ask why I was crying.

Oh, and those poor customer services reps who have to answer your emails about bum cooties. I don't know that I'd be able to do their job. LOL

[Evil.Kitten]

Salley888: Oh ya! that too, I forgot that charmin is too thick! haha.. It clogged our toilet too! ew ew ewwwwww always when my dad wasn't around.. so I prance on the spot like a twit not wanting to do it and freaking out... [he bought this WEIRD ass toilet plunge and it's ribbed like an accordian with a stick.. wth.. I can never do it properly and it squirts the nasty stuff at me cuz I get frustrated and get a crazed and wild and beating the hell out of it.. LOL Bum cooties ::dies laughing::



Litesandsirens911: Omigod you wrote purex that! omigod! I have a cold and my tummy and chest and head hurts so much I've been laughing for about 6 minutes straight!

I can stand Royale, it's not bad but loblaws and sobeys wants too much for it.. thankfully and recieved 3 giant sized coupons for a few cents off.. lol [gocoupons are massive dude! order some and look at them.. they are the size of envelopes lol]

[NancyM]

We don't use charmin because its too thick and clogs our toilet.

But cottonelle, we rarely buy either. Its good willnot toilet paper as my husband calls it.

willnot' "it will not come off" as in sticks to his butt. Lmao.

i have the same problem with charmin too thought maybe we were just using too much lol

[Valiant]

I think TP is just one more product that is going down the drain these days. I can remember TP from way back, when a roll of it rolled out endlessly (Hallowe'en), and it smelled pleasantly of wood, and lasted and lasted.
Then along came the dyed TP; then various other brands. Nowadays and lately, the TP has been falling apart on the job, and leaving behind 'remnants'.
I've learned to do fold-overs in order to conserve, because it's outrageous the amount of TP that is necessary to do the job.

[Lynnie]

I think TP is just one more product that is going down the drain these days.

No pun intended, right?


I tried Charmin a few times and even though the commercials mainly talk about how "soft" it is and how it doesn't stick to your bum...well..it's definitely soft but that's it. I stopped using Charmin.

We have some Cottonelle toilet paper that we have not tried yet because we still have a lot of Royale and Cashmere toilet paper we stocked up on when it was cheap. Royale is wonderful because rarely does it not pass the...as caitfoster said "James Brown Finger Puppet Test" and it's really good. The Cashmere one I also have no problems with.

Sigh...we just want clean bums, what more do the manufacturers think we're asking for? Aloe and Vitamin E to wipe our bums? Man..

[mcminsen]

No pun intended, right?


I tried Charmin a few times and even though the commercials mainly talk about how "soft" it is and how it doesn't stick to your bum...well..it's definitely soft but that's it. I stopped using Charmin.

We have some Cottonelle toilet paper that we have not tried yet because we still have a lot of Royale and Cashmere toilet paper we stocked up on when it was cheap. Royale is wonderful because rarely does it not pass the...as caitfoster said "James Brown Finger Puppet Test" and it's really good. The Cashmere one I also have no problems with.

Sigh...we just want clean bums, what more do the manufacturers think we're asking for? Aloe and Vitamin E to wipe our bums? Man..

[Litesandsirens911]

i love this thread...told DH I told everyone on SC about the bum cooties email to Purex, he is mortified, LMAO

[Dee09]

Best. Product Review. Ever. LOL!!!

Royale is my first choice too BTW

[Natalka]

Wow, bum cooties after eating cow bum....

We're definitely a Royale family, and have been for years and years. If we 'must' buy something else, Life brand from Shoppers is okay.

Cait, thanks for such a remarkably honest review - this thread gave me a good giggle at 3 a.m.!!