User Tag List

Page 131 of 1952 FirstFirst ... 31 81 121 129 130 131 132 133 141 181 231 631 1131 ... LastLast
Results 1,951 to 1,965 of 29275
Like Tree700Likes

Thread: The "I Need Candy, and so Do you" Ra Ra RIOT Thread ♥☼ (v2.0)

  1. #1951
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Yukon Not Believe This Juan, Part 2

    Military | Richmond, VA, USA
    (Canadian Army Reservists go to Fort Pickett in Virginia to train with the National Guard. I am in the last flight out of the U.S. and back to Nova Scotia. I am in my uniform, waiting for to be processed through security when a fellow traveler approaches me.)
    Traveler: “Thank you so much for protecting us! We are so proud of the bravery of soldiers defending the United States!”
    Me: “Thank you ma’am, but I’m not an American. I’m from the Canadian Army.”
    (She looks confused, so I point to the small Canadian on my shoulder.)
    Me: “You know, your friendly neighbours to the north?”
    Traveler: “Oh! Mexico!”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  2. #1952
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    The Lesser Of Teen Evils

    Grocery Store | North Carolina, USA
    (A man and his two sons are checking out through my register. The younger of the two sons grabs a bag of Skittles from the candy selection.)
    Son: “Dad, can I have some Skittles?”
    Dad: “No. Teenage girls eat Skittles. And what are teenage girls?”
    Both sons: *raising their little fists in the air* “EVIL!”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  3. #1953
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Gives New Meaning To Family Tree

    Nature Center | Pennsylvania, USA
    (I work as an educator in a native American village. I am with a group of pre-schoolers.)
    Me: “Believe it or not, the Lenape used to tie their babies to a board and hang them in a tree so the foxes wouldn’t get them!”
    Child 1: “Do they still do that?”
    Me: “No, they live just like we do today and don’t need to.”
    Child 2: “That’s not true. My mommy and daddy tie me to trees when they get mad.”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  4. #1954
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Not Taking A Shine To It

    Repair Center | Riverside, CA, USA
    Me: “Here you go, ma’am. That will be $26.50.”
    Customer: “Wait just a minute. That isn’t my stereo.”
    Me: “Actually, it is your stereo. The serial number is right here and it matches.”
    Customer: “This isn’t the stereo I brought in to be fixed. It looks all different. What did you do to it?”
    Me: “We cleaned it.”
    Customer: “Oh…ah…thanks!”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  5. #1955
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Feeling The Pinch

    Aquarium | Fort Fisher, NC, USA
    (I volunteer at an aquarium and often work our touch tank.)
    Visitor: “Oh look! Stingrays!”
    Me: “Actually, ma’am, those are horse shoe crabs.”
    Visitor: “How can you tell?”
    Me: *flipping the crab over* “It has claws and feet. Stingrays don’t have feet. Would you like to touch it?”
    Visitor: “No! It will sting me!”
    Me: “No, ma’am, I assure it is safe.”
    Visitor: “I don’t think so! You must just be immune!”
    Visitors 12 Year Old Son: “Mom! It’s in the touch tank!”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  6. #1956
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 3

    Car Rental | Rhinelander, WI, USA
    (My car had recently been struck by another driver, and his insurance was paying for a rental car for me while my car was in the shop.)
    Clerk: “Does your insurance cover rental cars?”
    Me: “I’m not sure.”
    Clerk: “It would probably say on your insurance card.”
    Me: “It’s out in my car. I’ll run out and get it.”
    (I walk out the door and stare at the parking lot full of rental cars for about five seconds, and turn around to head back inside. The clerk looks at me with an inquisitive expression as I enter.)
    Me: “That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Ever.”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  7. #1957
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Literally

    Cafe | London, UK
    Me: “Hello sir. Would you like to make a donation to Children In Need?”
    Customer: *in a heavy American accent* “Say what?”
    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I wasn’t aware you were from out of the country. Children In Need is a charity that collects money for projects working with children in the UK. It runs an appeal about this time every year. Would you maybe like to make a donation?”
    Customer: “Like f*** I would! It’s you and your poor, hobo kids that got us and the whole f***ing world into this d*** recession!”
    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the recession actually began when the US housing bubble burst. American banks gave out too many loans that couldn’t be repaid, and the government had to bail the banks out. That was because they traded the debt they had to banks overseas, since most were American owned companies.”
    Customer: *silence*
    Me: “Would you like to make a donation?”
    (The customer reaches into his pocket, and drops some change into the bucket.)
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  8. #1958
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Gotta Try It Sooner Or Latte

    Grocery Store | Tukwila, WA, USA
    (We serve a limited number of coffee drinks made automatically by machine.)
    Customer: “I’d like a hazelnut latte, please.”
    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have other flavors. I can give you a regular latte.”
    Customer: “What’s that?”
    Me: “Just a regular latte.”
    Customer: “What does it taste like?”
    Me: “It’s just coffee and milk.”
    Customer: “Oh. I’ve never tried that! Maybe I should.”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  9. #1959
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    A Touching Gift

    Retail | Maryland, USA
    Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”
    Customer: “I touch my granddaughter.”
    *awkward silence*
    Customer: *turning bright red* “I mean, I want an iTouch for my granddaughter!”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  10. #1960
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Visit TA | Win a free book!
    <!-- end header -->Loyalty Ist Verboten!

    Gas Station | Ontario, Canada
    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”
    Customer: *in thick German accent* “I am great.”
    Me: “Perfect! You’re total will be $****. Do you have a [Gas Station] Points Card?”
    Customer: “No! I am German! I have everything I need!”

    (1,329 Thumbs Up!)

    Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble


    <!--/* OpenX Javascript Tag v2.8.5-rc7 Quigo 400x140 top */--><SCRIPT type=text/javascript><!--//<![CDATA[ var m3_u = (location.protocol=='https:'?'https://d1.openx.org/ajs.php':'http://d1.openx.org/ajs.php'); var m3_r = Math.floor(Math.random()*99999999999); if (!document.MAX_used) document.MAX_used = ','; document.write ("<scr"+"ipt type='text/javascript' src='"+m3_u); document.write ("?zoneid=149832"); document.write ('&cb=' + m3_r); if (document.MAX_used != ',') document.write ("&exclude=" + document.MAX_used); document.write (document.charset ? '&charset='+document.charset : (document.characterSet ? '&charset='+document.characterSet : '')); document.write ("&loc=" + escape(window.location)); if (document.referrer) document.write ("&referer=" + escape(document.referrer)); if (document.context) document.write ("&context=" + escape(document.context)); if (document.mmm_fo) document.write ("&mmm_fo=1"); document.write ("'><\/scr"+"ipt>");//]]>--></SCRIPT><SCRIPT type=text/javascript src="http://d1.openx.org/ajs.php?zoneid=149832&cb=67609439241&charset=utf-8&loc=http%3A//notalwaysright.com/page/4&referer=http%3A//notalwaysright.com/page/3"></SCRIPT><NOSCRIPT></NOSCRIPT>
    Bad Company, Good Business

    Office Supply Store | Detroit, MI, USA
    (I’m a cashier, and a customer comes up to my register with a lock.)
    Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”
    Me: “Yes, we do!”
    Customer: “Great. I’ll take it at the [medical supply store] price.”
    Me: “Alright, I’ll just need the print out.”
    Customer: “The what?”
    Me: “Well, I need proof that the other store has the same product for a lesser amount.”
    Customer: “Don’t you know what they sell it at?”
    Me: “Actually, I don’t believe they sell this at all.”
    Customer: “Well, just find a store that sells it at a lesser price and give me that!”
    Me: “Sir, I can’t do that. Unless you found the same item for a lesser price at another store, I have to charge you what our company sells it at.”
    Customer: “Why?”
    Me: “Because that’s business, sir.”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  11. #1961
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Sea Lions Totally Rock

    Aquarium | Newport, OR, USA
    (I am giving a tour to a group of people about sea lions. I am pointing out the sea lions through the glass cage and introducing them to the group.)
    Woman: “What’s that sea lion over there doing? He seems very still.”
    Child: “Mom, that’s a rock.”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  12. #1962
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    This Is A Bad Sign

    Retail | Australia
    (A customer is making a purchase on credit card.)
    Me: “Alright, could I just check the signature on your card?”
    Customer: “I didn’t sign it.”
    Me: “I’ll need to see some ID then, please. And I would recommend signing it as soon as possible so that if you lose it, no one else will be able to use it.”
    Customer: “Oh, but that’s what I did last time. Someone just copied my signature.”
    Me: “Sorry to hear that. Still, I would sign it or write “Photo ID only” on it or something, or if you lose it someone will just put their own signature on the back.”
    Customer: “No…if there’s nothing there, there’s nothing for them to copy!”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  13. #1963
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Cold Calling

    Call Center | California, USA
    Caller: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. Ralph ******?”
    Me: “I’m sorry, he’s dead.”
    Caller: “Oh, I’m very sorry for your loss.”
    Me: “It’s okay. It’s been 20 years. I think we’re over it.”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  14. #1964
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Luncheon And On And On

    Retail | Edmonton, AB, Canada
    (Note: I quit working at this store for 7 months and then returned.)
    Customer: “Oh so how are things? I haven’t seen you for a while.”
    Me: “Oh, good. Yeah, I actually haven’t worked her for the last 7 months. This is my first day back.”
    Customer: “Oh, I just thought you were on lunch break or something.”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


  15. #1965
    Special Agent Gibbs kool_105's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    88,328
    Likes Received
    857
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems, Part 2

    Hardware Store | Amsterdam, The Netherlands
    (A customer is returning an electrical outlet with a remote control, and is complaining that the remote didn’t work.)
    Customer: “I tried everything, made the right adjustments, but no matter what I do, the light that is supposed to blink on the remote does nothing.”
    Me: “Let me have a look at this remote.”
    Customer: “I’m also fairly certain that the outlets themselves are not working.”
    (While he says that, I open up the remote control, and take out the battery.)
    Me: “Have you tried unwrapping the plastic from the battery before inserting it?”
    Customer: “You’re kidding, right? Even I wouldn’t be that stupid!”
    (I unwrap the battery before him. His mouth falls open, and he makes a face palm.”
    Customer: “No! This is not true!”
    (I insert the unwrapped battery in the remote control, and try it. The light now blinks as it’s supposed too.)
    Me: “It appears to be working now.”
    Customer: “I think I’m going to try the outlets at home. Maybe they work now, too.”
    Putting the fun back in dysfunctional


Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •