The "I Need Candy, and so Do you" Ra Ra RIOT Thread ♥☼ (v2.0)

[kool_105]

A Poser By Any Other Name, Part 2

Grocery Store | Newark, NJ, USA
(I’m not working, but I’m shopping. I’m at the register when the man in front of me starts yelling at the cashier at the top of his lungs.)
Customer: “You can’t do this, d*** it! My coupons are good! Take them!”
Cashier: “Sir, these coupons are expired. I’m not allowed–”
Customer: “If you don’t take it, you’re gonna be expired! Take my coupons or I’ll sue! I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you in court!”
(I tap him on the shoulder.)
Customer: “WHAT?!”
Me: *calmly* “Are you a prosecutor or defense attorney?”
Customer: “W-what?”
Me: “Are you with the state, or private firm?”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “Where did you go to law school?”
*pause*
Me: “Sir, impersonating an agent of the state is a serious offense. Furthermore, there are enough witnesses and evidence to hold you in court for harassment, threatening, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. I’m a prosecutor. I’m with the state. My recommendation? You leave, before I make all this official.”
(The customer runs out of the store, leaving half paid-for groceries behind. The cashier is grinning.)
Cashier: “You want some free stuff?”

[kool_105]

Ah, Fathers, Part 5

Toy Store | New York, NY, USA
(I’m stocking the shelves. A male customer with a small child of about four comes up to me and asks if there is a post office near by. I tell him there is one a couple of blocks away. He looks at the
clock, then takes his son’s hand and prepares to walk out of the store. The child doesn’t want to go.)
Customer: *to the child* “Come on, we need to go to the post office. It’ll close soon.”
Child: “I want to look at toys.”
Customer: “We have to go now. We can come back later.”
Child: “You go. I’ll wait here and play.”
Customer: “You can’t.”
Child: “Why?”
Customer: “Because your dad will go to jail for that.”
(The child looks perplexed.)
Customer: *trying to explain* “Think smaller Christmas present. And you’ll have to stay with Grandma a lot.”

[kool_105]

Hannah Montana, I Choose You

Retail | Woburn, MA, USA
Me: “Excuse me, do you need help?”
Customer: “Yes, actually. Would you happen to know what a good game for a seven year old boy? I need a present for my grandson.”
Me: “Well, you could always go with a classic Mario or Pokémon game.”
Customer: “Well what are those about?”
(I give a very general description, explaining the basics of the concepts since she was obviously new to video games.)
Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Those sound very violent to me.”
Me: “Well, they’re very popular games, especially among young boys.”
Customer: *thinks for a moment* “No, I think those games are too violent. I’ll just get him this one.”
(She picks up the latest Hannah Montana game for the DS and walks off.)

[kool_105]

No ID, No Idea, Part 2

Bar | St. Cloud, MN, USA
Me: “Do you have an ID?”
(The girl hands me her ID. She’s 21. She walks in, the boy she’s with starts following her.)
Me: “Oh, do you have an ID with you?”
Him: “Um…”
Me: “An ID?”
(He hands me his room key and smiles.)
Me: “This isn’t…”
Him: “I know.” *walks sadly out*

[kool_105]

Put A Cell On You
Supermarket | Auckland, New Zealand
(I have just finished helping out this really nice, elderly lady.)
Customer: “Oh, and do you happen to know the date?”
Me: “I will just look–”
(I start to pull out my mobile phone.)
Customer: *excitedly* “Ooh! You’re pulling out your little magic box!”

[kool_105]

Some Customers Are Completely See Through, Part 2

Coffee Shop | Calgary, AB, Canada
Customer: “I’d like a caramel apple latte, please.”
Me: “Certainly, would you like that to go or in a mug?”
Customer: “A mug please.”
(I grab a ceramic mug and start to prepare the drink.)
Customer: “What? No, I want a glass mug, like the one in that poster over there.”
Me: “Sorry ma’am, but we don’t actually have glass mugs. I think they just used it in that ad so you can see the drink.”
Customer: “This is outrageous! It’s false advertising! I don’t want a caramel apple latte unless it’s in a glass mug!”
Me: “I think you should know that it tastes great whether you can see it through the mug or not.”
Customer: “You’re wrong! The glass mug adds fancy deliciousness! I’m never coming here again!” *storms out*
Next Customer In Line: “I’ll have a caramel apple latte, fancy deliciousness not included.”

[kool_105]

Taxing Faxing, Part 7

Cake Shop | Sydney, Australia
Me: “Hi, [Cake Shop], how may I help you?”
Caller: “Yeah hi, do you have cake boxes?”
Me: “Like the ones we put the sold cakes into?”
Caller: “Yeah, but do you have just plain coloured ones?”
Me: “No, sorry, we only have ones with the company’s logo on it.”
Caller: “Well, can you order one? I told my friend that I got a special cake shop to make the cake, but I made it, and all I need is a plain box.”
Me: “Sorry, we can’t do that.”
Caller: “Okay then, I’ll just get the one with a logo. Can you mail it?”
Me: “No, that’s not store policy. Customers have to collect it themselves.”
Caller: “Well, then just fax it to me.” *tells me his number – and before I can respond* “Thank you!” *hangs up*

[kool_105]

When It Is Best To Step Down

Retail | New York, USA
(An infuriated customer comes into my department with a bag that has a camcorder, DVD burner and CD’s.)
Customer: “The person who sold this told me that it only takes three easy steps to make my DVDs, but it doesn’t even work.”
(After fumbling with the burner for awhile, I realize that there is a CD inside.)
Me: “That’s a CD, not a DVD; those won’t work. It says, ‘Please insert a blank DVD disc’.”
Customer: “Those are DVDs!”
Me: “No, those are CDs. They’re different.”
Customer: “Well, the guy told me that they would work anyway.”
Me: “It’s odd that the guy sold you CDs with a DVD burner. Do you remember what he looked like? Maybe I can talk to him?”
Customer: “It’s that guy over there.”
Me: “He doesn’t work in this department. He couldn’t have sold you a DVD burner and the CDs. Well, anyway, you need DVDs to get it to work. That’s what your problem was.”
Customer: “Show me how to work this! I don’t have the instruction manual anymore.”
Me: “Well, it’s easy. Plug it into the wall, open the lid, insert the disc, turn it on, pick your scene and press this red button here.”
Customer: “It said three easy steps. That’s way more than three steps!”
Me: “I don’t think that they consider plugging it in and putting the disc in steps.”

[kool_105]

Throwing A Spanner In The Wax

Retail | Atlanta, GA, USA
(A customer is trying to combine coupons on one purchase; this is not allowed. One is a coupon that allows her to buy expensive candles for half off and the other is a basic “free item with any purchase” coupon.)
Me: “Oh, sorry ma’am, we’ll have to do this as two separate purchases. We’ll use your candle coupon first, then, if you just add another item you’ll qualify to use your second coupon and get your free item.”
Customer: “But I was purchasing the candle to get the free item.”
Me: “Yes, but you can’t use the coupon on the candle and then use a second coupon on the same purchase. But it’s okay, you can buy one of these cheap $1.00 items to qualify for the second coupon, I’ll just ring these items up separately.”
Customer: “Or maybe I don’t buy anything at all!”
(The customer swipes her cheap mailer coupon off the counter and walks away, leaving me holding her exclusive candle coupon.)

[kool_105]

UV: Under Valued

Restaurant | San Diego, CA, USA
(It is mid-afternoon and the sun is starting to directly shine in the windows. The shades are already down but some light still shines through.)
Customer: “It is way too bright. I have very sensitive eyes. You need to do something about the sun.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but the shades are already down. Would you like to move to a different table that is away from the windows?”
Customer: “No! I want you to do something about the sun!”
Me: “Sir, I really can’t control the sun.”
Customer: “You can’t do anything? I have very sensitive eyes!”
Me: “I can move you to another table.”
Customer: “No, that won’t work. How about you just stand here while I eat and block the sun?”

[kool_105]

Wheeling And Dealing With Reality

Dollar Store | Alberta, Canada
(We sell pepperoni sticks for two for one dollar. A customer brings up a box which consists of 40 sticks.)
Me: “That will be twenty dollars.”
Customer: “What? Why?”
Me: “Because they are two for one, and twenty is half of forty.”
Customer: “Oh, I thought the whole box was only fifty cents. That would be an awesome deal.”
Me: “Well, it’s still cheaper than most places.”
Customer: “Yes, but the one in my mind was better!”

[kool_105]

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6

Retail | Orlando, FL, USA
Customer: “Wait, that’s only supposed to be twenty dollars cheaper.”
Me: “Yes sir, that’s after the mail-in rebate. You have to send in the paperwork and proof of purchase.”
Customer: “Well why don’t you give me the discount now and send in the rebate yourself?”
Me: “No, that’s not how this works. You are responsible for sending in the rebate yourself.”
Customer: “You mean you’re making me responsible for my own money?”

[kool_105]

[kool_105]

[kool_105]