Club Q Q107-Loyalty Club (Southern ON Only) v4

[kenrod]

Good morning fellow Canucks!

It is chilly on the willy. I would not advise trying to write your name in the snow today.

Have a great peak of the week!

[the H team]

[the H team]

Good morning fellow Canucks!

It is chilly on the willy. I would not advise trying to write your name in the snow today.

Have a great peak of the week!

Not just the willy, but everything else too.

[the H team]

[The Jester]

Two sides to this story:

Two women are chatting in an office.
Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"
Woman 2: "Yes."
Woman 1: "Was it good?"
Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got it on, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?"
Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairy tale!"
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"
Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?"
Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home,there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it 'on' for an hour and then I couldn't 'finish' for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was ing jabbering away for another hour!"

[The Jester]

Adventures in Loblaws

Cutting through Leaside today I decided to make a stop at the Loblaws store at the corner of Bayview and Moore
I just wanted to get some Mary Macleods shortbread cookies and had been told that they were available at Loblaws.
I scoured the cookie aisle to no avail and eventually encountered Paul, who was above and beyond helpful checking around and asking other staff if they knew. He too was unsuccessful; but went to the trouble of phoning another Loblaws further east in Leaside and wouldn't give up until he found someone who located and promised to secure some for me-which ones would I like ? there was a large selection. I didn't know so I said I would go and see for myself. He said they were at some special counter (which I should've clarified)
Off I went and got to the other store and figured the courtesy desk would be the logical place to check first - the gal there said no-one had phoned about cookies and she didn't know any Paul. Okay I thought I'd just check the cookie aisle just in case (didn't want to look like a fool) - not there. I also needed to get some Ace cheese bread and found an Ace bread counter at the back of the store-so many varieties to choose; but didn't see the cheese loaf. From the back comes a lady to help me and I asked for the cheese bread which, of course was right in front of my face in the display. I thanked and then asked for directions to their freezer cabinet to get their yummy garlic bread, to wit she directed me. I scored the garlic bread and wandering off I saw another display cabinet with some delicious looking Danishes; but alas no-one to serve me. I meandered back and found the Ace lady again and asked her about the Danishes and if she could serve me. She pointed out that the cabinets were self-service-all I had to do was open the glass doors, she patiently walked me back there and showed me the door handles! Starting to feel like Mr Magoo now I profusely thanked her and grabbed my pastries and went off in search of my original quest, the shortbread cookies-remember?
I searched in vain for a special display counter and asked a floater near the cash who listened patiently to my story, eventually re directing me to the bakery department where I should find James who, she was certain would have been the one on the phone with this Paul guy. On my way over there I hear over the PA that James should report to receiving for some delivery....No, James I need you first. Too late I arrive and a couple of gals who'd been baking a cake (they knew I was coming) tried to palm off some no name shortbread cookies. "No" , I said and proceeded to retell my sad story. One of them slunk away to ask another staff member who turned out to be - yes, you guessed it - the erstwhile Ace bakery lady. She looked me in the eye as I said "Yes, its me again" and she said "You're so needy!" This cracked me up as I saw the funny side of it; but you know she located the damn cookies for me and they were at the Cafe counter - of all places!
Some shoppers would've been frustrated, even insulted; but I say, good on yer customer service and especially the Ace Bakery lady for keeping it real.
I'd go back to that store; but I might be on their banned shopper list by then. At the very least the Ace gal will keep one eye open and her running shoes on, just in case I get past their door security!!

[rock lobster]

Canadian Drive-By

[rock lobster]

[The Jester]

Not new; but worthy of another look IMHO

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND MAINTAIN HER COMPOSURE! PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

[The Jester]

Bad Day
There I was, sitting at the bar, staring at my drink, when a really big, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I said. "I'm a complete failure.
I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home.
I found my wife in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me, so I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.
I buy a drink, drop the capsule in it, and was sitting here watching the poison dissolve when you show up and drink the whole thing!!
But enough about me, how's your day going?

[The Jester]

[rock lobster]

Vertial-cavity surface-emitting lasers.
Bet you didn't know we even needed them, did you?

Apple awarded Finisar $390 million from a $1 billion fund dedicated to American manufacturing.
Finisar, a much smaller firm with a market capitalization of $2.2 billion, was quick to say that the
deal did not represent debt or equity investment but "anticipated future business between the companies over a period of time."
Finisar will re-open a long-shuttered, 700,000-sqare-foot manufacturing plant in Sherman, Texas, to produce VCSELs, short for vertical-cavity surface-emitting lasers, a critical component of Apple's new FaceID system in the iPhone X. Apple has not said what company supplied the first round of lasers, but Lumentum Holdings Inc has seen a surge of business attributed to a single customer that analysts believe is Apple.
The lasers go into sensors that enable 3-D mapping, which in turn is a critical part of augmented reality, in which digital objects are overlaid on the real world. The more accurately depth sensors map the real world, the more precisely digital objects can float in it.

[The Jester]

slàinte mhath

[Wallie]

good morning

[the H team]

Happy Friday Jr Q sters,

Another cold one out there. Bundle up, the weekend is approaching.