User Tag List

Page 10932 of 11516 FirstFirst ... 9932 10432 10832 10882 10922 10930 10931 10932 10933 10934 10942 10982 11032 11432 ... LastLast
Results 163,966 to 163,980 of 172738
Like Tree1318860Likes

Thread: Club Q Q107-Loyalty Club (Southern ON Only) v4

  1. #163966
    Canadian Guru dededi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Near Apsley On for the summer
    Posts
    16,756
    Likes Received
    77911
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    Good morning everyone!

    Name:  323881-Have-A-Relaxing-Weekend.gif
Views: 124
Size:  137.4 KB

  2. #163967
    Septuagenarian The Jester's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Scarborough West
    Posts
    10,721
    Likes Received
    98718
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    Just a thought for us all.

    An elderly Chinese man had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck.

    One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

    For a full two years this went on daily, with the man bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

    Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the man one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

    The old man smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

    Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

    So, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

  3. #163968
    Septuagenarian The Jester's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Scarborough West
    Posts
    10,721
    Likes Received
    98718
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair and under the table - but the man stared straight ahead. The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the man stared straight ahead. The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man: "Pardon me, sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table."
    The man calmly looked up at her and said: "No, she didn't. She just fecking walked in.

  4. #163969
    Newfiescreech Newfiescreech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Newfoundland , Canada
    Posts
    7,659
    Likes Received
    24126
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    Name:  289701D9-4CC1-4106-8AEB-BBAF339327F7.jpeg
Views: 154
Size:  21.0 KB

  5. #163970
    Septuagenarian The Jester's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Scarborough West
    Posts
    10,721
    Likes Received
    98718
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    Brad, a local beach goer, couldn’t even get a second look from any of the girls on the beach. So he headed over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard had any advice for him.

    “Dude, it’s obvious,” said the lifeguard. “You’re wearing those gnarly old swimming trunks that make you look like an old geezer. They’re years outta style. Your best bet is to get yourself a Speedo—say, two sizes too small—and drop a potato inside it. You’ll have all the babes you can handle.”

    The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his brand-spanking-new tight Speedo and his potato, and it’s not long before he approaches the lifeguard tower once more.

    “For cryin’ out loud,” said Brad, “it’s worse than before! Everyone on the beach acts disgusted as I walk by—covering their faces, turning away, laughing! What’s wrong now?”

    “Jeez, Brad!” said the lifeguard, “The potato goes in front!”

  6. #163971
    Newfiescreech Newfiescreech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Newfoundland , Canada
    Posts
    7,659
    Likes Received
    24126
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    Name:  01A5F1CE-708E-407B-86FB-3A3531D8B6B0.jpeg
Views: 123
Size:  69.9 KB

  7. #163972
    Septuagenarian The Jester's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Scarborough West
    Posts
    10,721
    Likes Received
    98718
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

    The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died. The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

    The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest." The clerk couldn’t help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.

    He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the fellow in here just before you."

    "I don't know" replies the man, "picture this, I'm buck naked hiding in this cedar chest....."

  8. #163973
    Septuagenarian The Jester's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Scarborough West
    Posts
    10,721
    Likes Received
    98718
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husbands point of view)
    The missus bought a Paperback,
    down Shepton Mallet way,
    I had a look inside her bag;
    T'was "fifty shades of grey".

    Well I just left her to it,
    And at ten I went to bed.
    An hour later she appeared;
    The sight filled me with dread...

    In her left she held a rope;
    And in her right a whip!
    She threw them down upon the floor,
    And then began to strip.

    Well fifty years or so ago;
    I might have had a peek;
    But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
    She's eighty four next week!!

    Watching Mabel bump and grind;
    Could not have been much grimmer.
    And things then went from bad to worse;
    She toppled off her Zimmer!

    She struggled back upon her feet;
    A couple minutes later;
    She put her teeth back in and said
    I am a dominater !!

    Now if you knew our Mabel,
    You'd see just why I spluttered,
    I'd spent two months in traction
    For the last complaint I'd uttered.

    She stood there nude and naked
    Bent forward just a bit
    I went to hold her, sensual like
    and stood on her left t*t!

    Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
    My god what had I done!?
    She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
    "Step on the other one"!!

    Well readers, I can't tell no more;
    About what occurred that day.
    Suffice to say my jet black hair,
    Turned fifty shades of grey.


  9. #163974
    Canadian Guru WolfDio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    North York
    Posts
    15,490
    Likes Received
    75066
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)






    I live in a Cartoon World as I am surrounded by Characters.

  10. #163975
    Newfiescreech Newfiescreech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Newfoundland , Canada
    Posts
    7,659
    Likes Received
    24126
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    Quote Originally Posted by The Jester View Post
    FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husbands point of view)
    The missus bought a Paperback,
    down Shepton Mallet way,
    I had a look inside her bag;
    T'was "fifty shades of grey".

    Well I just left her to it,
    And at ten I went to bed.
    An hour later she appeared;
    The sight filled me with dread...

    In her left she held a rope;
    And in her right a whip!
    She threw them down upon the floor,
    And then began to strip.

    Well fifty years or so ago;
    I might have had a peek;
    But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
    She's eighty four next week!!

    Watching Mabel bump and grind;
    Could not have been much grimmer.
    And things then went from bad to worse;
    She toppled off her Zimmer!

    She struggled back upon her feet;
    A couple minutes later;
    She put her teeth back in and said
    I am a dominater !!

    Now if you knew our Mabel,
    You'd see just why I spluttered,
    I'd spent two months in traction
    For the last complaint I'd uttered.

    She stood there nude and naked
    Bent forward just a bit
    I went to hold her, sensual like
    and stood on her left t*t!

    Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
    My god what had I done!?
    She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
    "Step on the other one"!!

    Well readers, I can't tell no more;
    About what occurred that day.
    Suffice to say my jet black hair,
    Turned fifty shades of grey.

    Name:  6F6EF717-BC28-470C-9216-1C3D4B706C8D.png
Views: 116
Size:  41.1 KB

  11. #163976
    Newfiescreech Newfiescreech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Newfoundland , Canada
    Posts
    7,659
    Likes Received
    24126
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    Name:  5505EFC3-490F-4484-A98D-04B613C0AA34.jpeg
Views: 129
Size:  27.2 KB

  12. #163977
    Mastermind the H team's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    acton
    Posts
    43,810
    Likes Received
    168574
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    Monday's Diamond Pendant Song-

    Paul Simon

    Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes
    NASCAR SEASON is underway for 2020.


    nascar:a way of life
    everything else is just a game

  13. #163978
    Smart Canuck Wallie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Oshawa
    Posts
    4,311
    Likes Received
    15191
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    good morning

  14. #163979
    Canadian Guru dededi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Near Apsley On for the summer
    Posts
    16,756
    Likes Received
    77911
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    Good morning and Happy Monday everyone!

    Name:  e04b0ff715d656ec4238f5b0e570ae40.jpg
Views: 105
Size:  42.7 KB

  15. #163980
    Canadian Guru dededi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Near Apsley On for the summer
    Posts
    16,756
    Likes Received
    77911
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)




    Name:  61cda1e19c9258f9368f62ad16c4fe45.jpg
Views: 113
Size:  74.3 KB

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 15 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 15 guests)

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •