Club Q Q107-Loyalty Club (Southern ON Only) v4

[the H team]

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had
done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?"
he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the pussycat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?"

[the H team]

WASH THEM FIRST!! Please Don't Erase this message before forwarding on! Same applies to Beer. This incident happened recently in North Texas . A woman went boating one Sunday taking with her some cans of coke Which she put into the refrigerator of the boat. On Monday she was taken to the hospital and placed in the Intensive Care Unit. She died on Wednesday. The autopsy concluded she died of Leptospirosis. This was traced to the can of coke she drank from, not using a glass. Tests showed that the can was infected by dried rat urine and Hence the disease Leptospirosis. Rat urine contains toxic and deathly substances. It is highly recommended to thoroughly wash the upper part Of all soda cans before drinking out of them. The cans are typically stocked in warehouses and transported straight to the shops without being cleaned. A study at NYCU showed that the tops of all soda cans are more contaminated than public toilets (I.E.). Full of germs and bacteria. So wash them with water before putting them to the mouth to avoid any kind of fatal accident. Please forward this message to all the people you care about. I JUST DID

[the H team]

Who is Joe ?

Well Joe is the guy who gets home late one night and Marilyn his wife, says, "Where
have you been?" Joe replies "I was out getting a tattoo". "A tattoo", She screamed. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I tattooed a hundred dollar bill on my penis"
he said proudly. "What were you thinking"? She said, shaking her head in disgust.
"Why on earth would a Certified Public Accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed
on his penis?"
"Well, One, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and
blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."


Joe is in the General Hospital , Critical Care Unit, Room 233

[the H team]

Golf Club Sign

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2.FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3.KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4.AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5.STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6.TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7.IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
8.DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9.QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10.DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.

[Andit]

Hope everyone enjoyed their day & managed to stay dry.

I did a silly thing & overdid it (too many errands in one day, keep forgetting I'm in my 4th decade ), so I'm off to bed. Critters are still watching the neighbours on the street, so I don't think they'll notice me leaving the room.

Night all.

[the H team]

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive
salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she
said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil
spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that
magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full
of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467" he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough
tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a
Chip & Dip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They
all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog crap!"

Then I would say, "It is dog crap . Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used "the
government approach" of giving you something crappy for free, and then
making you pay to get the taste out of your mouth."

[the H team]

thanx for the Springsteen songs. too bad no one won tickets. there's always Rush next week & there's still the Q box for 4. good luck. see you all tomorrow.

[heartgirl99]

thanks for the late night laughs, H_team!

[heartgirl99]

keep on entering the songs! here's today's list:

spirit in the night
jungleland
glory days
born in the USA
Dancing In The Dark
Badlands
tunnel of love

10:35 pm

"rosalita (come out tonight)" - bruce springsteen & the e street band

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/...QMV80SEE#gid=0

[Lee03]

Yes, this kind of garbage makes me cringe as well. Another one is "should of" in place of "should have". Wow, people!!

This one is still around, in the form of "boughten". This perversion makes me cringe. "Did you bake it yourself or is it a boughten cake?" Almost as bad - using "then" in place of "than". Just as bad - "yous", "youse" or "yous guys". Even worse, if the speaker is too lazy to prounounce the long "u" it becomes "yuhs".

my daughter and I were talking about this the other day.... I sent her a bbm and I was in a hurry to send it, so I missed a comma.... It completely changed the meaning of the message and she totally didn't "get it"... She said that if it was anyone else, she would have tried to interpret it differently, but didn't since she didn't expect it from me.... we also talked about "to", "too", and "two".... "to" and "too" can be very confusing when used incorrectly.... it's amazing how an apostrophe or comma can change so much to a sentence...

[Lee03]

Man ho man its pissing out there.

I didn't see any rain today... the roads were a little wet, but I think it missed me....

[Lee03]

W*rk was a little crazy busy for me today... my boss took us out for our "Christmas" lunch today at the "Fork and Spoon".... It was amazing... It was "all you can eat" but they bring it to you instead of going to a buffet.... It was 3 (three ) hours before we got back to the office... it was funny - she said "that's ok, I'm sure your boss won't mind, and my boss isn't in today".... ... (our CEO was in Montreal today)

It was so crazy since Christmas time that this was the first time that we were able to "breathe" and take the time out to have a nice leisurely lunch....

Thanks for the Springsteen songs today... Too bad nobody won on the call in....

hope everyone had a great day!!

[user-id]

Happy Friday!

Pigeon jazz in the city

To introduce the Standard Bank Joy of Jazz festival 2012, a full jazz ensemble was set up in Pigeon Square in Johannesburg. Seeds and popcorn were scattered over the instruments and the new jazz band called 'Featherweights', assembled to create music. It wasn't long before the sounds of pigeon jazz filled the air - much to the delight of passers-by.

[user-id]

Go Canada!

adidas | David Beckham pops up at the #takethestage photobooth

The surprise of a lifetime was unveiled at Westfield Stratford City as adidas brought astonished shoppers face to face with global icon David Beckham

[attitash]

Good morning Q sters....nice to get some much needed rain. Off to the golf course.....hope to stay dry.