Originally Posted by
Knottythots
Mywife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her andsaid, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Isthat your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone afriend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the madcow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
_____________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her highschool
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken manswigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he tookto drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and Ihear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think aperson could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wifekept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to takecare of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important tome.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make herpoint.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated inthe tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time andthen went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when Icame out again
I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I willalways have a limp.
_____________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flippingchannels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed,made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into atorrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulledback into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, andslipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there isterrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, canyou believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for ourupcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goesfrom 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Securityoffice to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counterasked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I lookedin my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home. I toldthe woman that
I was very sorry, but I would have to go home andcome back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silverhair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proofenough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about myexperience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroommirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. Ireally need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn nearperfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of aREALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was aDWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.