working mums

[Jina]

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[Zonny]

I hear you on the amount of time left in the day to spend with your child. I was lucky when he was a baby, took a full year off and we were mostly done nursing by the time I went back to work (although he didn't sleep through the night regularly for another year). We put DS in bed with us plenty of times, although we swore we wouldn't. But everyone had to get some sleep! This is how we did it.

Our now five year old DS is still in daycare, I drop him off shortly after 7 and DH picks him up around 4:45.

They get home around 5, we have supper, and we all have about two hours together (including mealtime) between their getting home and DS going to bed.

In recent years, when I cook supper I cook enough for more than one meal. That way I don't have to cook every night (I'm the only cook here until recently). Now my mom has moved in with us and she looks after dinner, which is a HUGE help!

On the 'me time' front, that's a challenge too. I have a group of Moms I met while on maternity at a parent/tot group, and we still get together now. Sometimes it's for a beer and appetizers at Applebee's up the street, sometimes it's a mobile spa who comes to someone's house while the Dads look after the kids! But ME time is very important, even if it doesn't happen very often.

Your DH can take care of things while he's out of work (even if historically he hasn't, he still CAN). If you're the chef in your household (as I am), try to make bigger things that can be eaten for more than one meal. Some things (think lasagna for example) freeze really well, you can make a big batch of something and cut into individual portions, freeze separately then bag. Then you have a bunch of dinners that any of you can heat up in five minutes for supper!

Good luck, I know it's hard. It gets better!

[scrapbookingoasis]

I'm still not sure. With dd1 I worked part time but at times I could be working 9 days in a row as well and it was shift work (7-3 or 3-11). Prior to having ds I switched to full time and working 12 hour shifts - so I had a few extra days off during the week. 12 hour shifts are tough because I had to be at work by 7am and wasn't done till 7pm. So I wouldn't see the kids in the morning and in the evening it depended on if they were still awake. After dd2 one of the girls from work called me about a new shift that was opening (while I was on mat leave the posting was up - but the job didn't start till about 2 weeks after I came back). This is the shift I work now 10am-6pm but now I have to be at work more days (compared to working 12hours). I also have an online business. My dh owns his own business with his brother, their busiest time is the summer so we find ourselves very busy and overwhelmed at this time of the year.

DH is a great help. If he picks them up from the sitter before supper - they generally will have had supper made by him before I come home (he does not know how to cook though so I have to look for pre-fab stuff.....from my experience he also is not good at reheating dishes I have made an froze so it's not really an option). He generally does not know very far in advance how late he will be working so that makes it a little more difficult. But he will feed them and I do not need to worry about it.

For 'me' time - its hard to take the time out for yourself but you need to. I don't get a lot of me time but there are some days I will just say to DH we need to get out without the kids.

[betholio]

I have a job that rarely has deadlines or "homework". Most of my work is done within the hours that I'm at the office, so I'm lucky in that regard.

I don't know what advice to give. We moved last year and one of the reasons was so we could live very close to both our works and ds1's daycare. Cutting down on the commuting time really gave us a lot more time with him (now with both of them).

I do think a bit of "me" time is important. I was talking with dh about a month ago and said to him that I'd recently realized that I am never alone. I'm either with the kids or at an exercise class or at work. Always something. We've decided to try to give each other a couple of hours alone every week.

I've taken the kids out a couple of Friday evenings so he could have a couple of hours to himself and I think he plans to take them tonight so I can have a rest because I feel craptacular today. He works Saturdays, so he won't be home 'til after 5pm.

I also think dads need to learn how to cook because it's nonsense that a women who works all the hours that dog sends also is responsible for feeding everyone. Dh doesn't cook the variety of meals that I do, but he can bust out with some spaghetti or grilled cheese when he needs to. He also loves the bbq so I encourage that behaviour. He uses the veggie steamer. He can make a salad.

[ame555]

Welcome to the group! I don't know how we do it, but we all make it (or atleast I hope!!)

I'm on my 2nd mat leave, but already fearing going back to work, especailly with 2 kids now.

A few things I've done is - I work through my lunch hour so I can leave 30 minutes earlier -- I am very lucky daycare, work and house are all within 15 minutes of eachother. If I can take lunch, I'll do some of my grocery shopping then.

Me time is basically gone, I would rather spend the time with the kids -- I figure soon enough they won't want to spend that much time with mom so I'll have plently of me time then.

When I went back to work the first time - my son still wasn't sleep through the night and was breastfeeding - we needed a new bed and bought a King - solved a lot of problems! I know many are against this -- but I'm pretty sure he still won't be with us everynight when he's 12.

My biggest stress throughout though has been having a husband with some health issues - severe colitis that has required hospitalization twice, a torn tendon that left him unable to walk for 3 months, and a surgery on his bladder that took about 8 weeks to recover from.

Having a clean house is only a dream for me, the crockpot is a saviour and the days of putting on makeup is long gone!!

I am lucky too - I do not have any critical deadlines with the exception of year end or the occasional report. I'm all set up to dial into work which is a great help as well if I need to finish something.

Stay strong!

[ex0ticb3lla]

I feel your pain, but all I can say is mine is 3 going on 4, and I still don't have my sanity ...everyone keeps asking when #2 is and I have to keep repeating myself that we're done with children, 1 was plenty good fishing for us.... I'm sure it all comes in time, you will get into a routine you are comfortable with and MAYBE gain some of that sanity back LOL

[jessep13]

all of your husbands are so supportive. That is awesome. I work 12 hour shifts every day. I leave at 7am. Which means I wake up every day at 530 to get breakfast ready for the kids and then take the youngest to the babysitter's. Daddy is then left with the other two to take to school. since its almost summer now I will be having a grand time taking all three to the babysitters! daddy then picks up the youngest and makes dinner for the kiddies. When I get home at 7. I then have to give all the kids baths, clean the house ( as my husband has a bad habit of letting the kids play with EVERYTHING! ) , play with the kids and have them in bed by 9. Which then leaves me about 2 hours to finish tidying up and if im lucky curl up with a tea and a good book. Before I have to go to bed so I am able to do it all again in the morning Thank god for weekends!

[pcousins13]

How do we keep our sanity? We don't!

It is a challenge but for us we have a routine and without it we would be up poop creek! My partner and I work different shifts in order to eliminate baby-sitters so we don't get a lot of time together but we have the weekends. My partner is also really supportive and does things around the house. He didn't at first...and needed a little "training" lol!

One of the most important things is to make time for yourself too. A happy, less stressed mom = happy, less stressed kids!