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Thread: Club Q Q107-Loyalty Club (Southern ON Only)

  1. #42736
    need to go riding popasmurf4@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JD_IS_ME View Post
    JD is me. Thanks for all the help in the Q contests. I was called on the first day of the Derringer Cash Grab for the 5:40 call, didn't get the call back but hey, had a shot. I know it was because of the help from you guys. Thanks, here I am. Thought I'd start by adding a bad joke, Irish no less.




    Only the Irish have Jokes Like These
    Into a Dublin pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just
    been run over by a train.
    His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised
    and he's walking with a limp.
    "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
    " Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
    "That little , O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that
    to you, he must have had something in his hand."
    " That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and
    a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
    " Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
    yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
    " That I did," said Paddy.
    "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty
    it was, but useless in a fight."


    *************************************** ************************************************** *** **************
    An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
    home from the city one night and,
    of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
    A cop pulls him over.
    " So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
    "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
    " Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite
    a few to drink this evening."
    "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
    "D id you know," says the cop, standing straight and
    folding his arms across his chest,
    that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
    "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
    "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."


    ************************************************** ************************************************** *******
    Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
    when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
    "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've
    somethin ' to tell ya".
    " Of course you can come in, you're always welcome,
    Tim. But where's my husband?"
    " That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
    There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
    "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
    " I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead
    and gone. I'm sorry."
    Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
    " It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of
    Guinness Stout and drowned."
    "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth,
    Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
    "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

    ************************************************** ************************************************** ********
    Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday
    morning service, and she's in tears.
    He says, " So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
    She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news . My
    husband passed away last night."
    The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary,
    did he have any last requests?"
    S he says, "That he did, Father."
    The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
    She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'


    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****

    AND THE BEST FOR L AST

    A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters
    a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
    The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention
    but the drunk continues to sit there.
    Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall .
    The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's
    no paper on this side either!"











    welcome

  2. #42737
    CrazyGilligan psells's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Argo53 View Post
    OK - after reading some of the other attemps which were poo-pooed, I am thnking you may be looking for something serious. So how about:

    power and wealth by a single individual at the expense of an entire society.
    Wow, cool answer. The first word is acceptable. The key to this is to figure out why that word works and the others don't. When I wrote this puzzle a couple of years ago, it had a dozen members of Toronto Mensa stumped for several hours.

  3. #42738
    GreatScent Mmmme...'s Avatar
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    JD_IS_ME;1869489,

    Welcome to our humble and lovable group of wonderful Q'bee fans!

    You will enjoy yourself... or else... we may have to force you to do so!

    Cheers!

    Quote Originally Posted by JD_IS_ME View Post
    JD is me. Thanks for all the help in the Q contests. I was called on the first day of the Derringer Cash Grab for the 5:40 call, didn't get the call back but hey, had a shot. I know it was because of the help from you guys. Thanks, here I am. Thought I'd start by adding a bad joke, Irish no less.



    Only the Irish have Jokes Like These
    I
    nto a Dublin pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just
    been run over by a train.
    His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised

    and he's walking with a limp.
    "
    What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
    "
    Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
    "
    That little , O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that
    to you, he must have had something in his hand."
    "
    That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and
    a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
    "
    Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
    yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
    " T
    hat I did," said Paddy.
    "
    Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty
    it was, but useless in a fight."


    *************************************** ************************************************** *** **************

    A
    n Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
    home from the city one night and,
    of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

    A
    cop pulls him over.
    "
    So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
    "
    Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
    "
    Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite
    a few to drink this evening."
    "
    I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
    "
    D id you know," says the cop, standing straight and
    folding his arms across his chest,
    that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
    "
    Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
    "
    For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."


    ************************************************** ************************************************** *******

    B
    renda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
    when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
    "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've

    somethin ' to tell ya".
    "
    Of course you can come in, you're always welcome,
    Tim. But where's my husband?"
    "
    That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
    There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
    "
    Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
    " I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead
    and gone. I'm sorry."
    F
    inally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
    "
    It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of
    Guinness Stout and drowned."
    "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth,
    Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
    "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

    ************************************************** ************************************************** ********

    M
    ary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday
    morning service, and she's in tears.
    H
    e says, " So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
    S
    he says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news . My
    husband passed away last night."
    T
    he priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary,
    did he have any last requests?"
    S
    he says, "That he did, Father."
    The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "

    S
    he says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'


    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****


    AND
    THE BEST FOR L AST

    A
    drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters
    a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
    T
    he Priest coughs a few times to get his attention
    but the drunk continues to sit there.
    F
    inally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall .
    T
    he drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's
    no paper on this side either!"

















  4. #42739
    Pull Together Argo53's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by psells View Post
    Wow, cool answer. The first word is acceptable. The key to this is to figure out why that word works and the others don't. When I wrote this puzzle a couple of years ago, it had a dozen members of Toronto Mensa stumped for several hours.

    Well - 'ya didn't say it was a flipping puzzle ... after I finish this write-up, I will put my thinking cap on. Well, it's already on, but focused on work (and sledge hockey).

    Welcome JD. Having more than a little Irish blood in my veins, enjoyed your jokes immensely.
    Courage is not the absence of fear but acting in spite of it.

  5. #42740
    CrazyGilligan psells's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Argo53 View Post
    Well - 'ya didn't say it was a flipping puzzle ... after I finish this write-up, I will put my thinking cap on.
    Everything is a puzzle.

  6. #42741
    Canadian Guru WolfDio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JD_IS_ME View Post
    JD is me. Thanks for all the help in the Q contests. I was called on the first day of the Derringer Cash Grab for the 5:40 call, didn't get the call back but hey, had a shot. I know it was because of the help from you guys. Thanks, here I am. Thought I'd start by adding a bad joke, Irish no less.
    Welcome, JD_IS_ME...
    THANKS for the joke!
    I am sure you will enjoy your stay!!
    GREAT bunch of People here!!!


    I live in a Cartoon World as I am surrounded by Characters.

  7. #42742
    GreatScent Mmmme...'s Avatar
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    Wolfie, it appears the serum worked well! You said exactly what we wanted you to say. It did seem convincing enough... hmmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder if others could tell?



    Quote Originally Posted by WolfDio View Post
    Welcome, JD_IS_ME...
    THANKS for the joke!
    I am sure you will enjoy your stay!!
    GREAT bunch of People here!!!






  8. #42743
    GreatScent Mmmme...'s Avatar
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    Some sound advice for the week ahead!
    Attached Images Attached Images  






  9. #42744
    CaLoonie DrummerBoy's Avatar
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    Oh man, that sashimi looks good!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mmmme... View Post
    Jasmine (Aladdin)



    Beauty (Beauty and the Beast)



    The Little Mermaid

    One by one, the yard gnomes steal my sanity.

  10. #42745
    Proud Canadian alienshore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by psells View Post
    Add a word or words that will continue this sentence (no not this one, the next one):

    One point I hope I could eliminate is amoral quest for ...
    Not that I like finishing this sentence in this way but does this work?....

    One point I hope I could eliminate is amoral quest for white supremacy.

    ?

  11. #42746
    Smart Canuck runt158's Avatar
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    Woo hoo Canada beats Sweden 10-1 in paralympic hockey go for gold canada

  12. #42747
    Senior Canuck jimbobway_13's Avatar
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    welcome JD
    Jim


  13. #42748
    Evelyn ecat444's Avatar
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    Welcome to the Thread - JD IS ME!

    Good jokes....Your lucky to have least have been called for the cash grab, close although not close enough I guess...I'm still waiting, been through a few sessions of D's Cash Grab without getting called but hey I keep the hope up.

  14. #42749
    Frosh Canuck gtown gal's Avatar
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    Hi gang , thanks to all for the words

  15. #42750
    Canadian Guru WolfDio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by karmac View Post
    Good afternoon, everyone. Thanks for the codes and the reps.

    Is this what you were looking for Wolfie?

    How much?


    I live in a Cartoon World as I am surrounded by Characters.

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