"Carry me in your arms..." - a lesson for relationships

[Natalka]

A niece of mine reposted this from FB - and I tried to search and find the original author, with no luck. I did find a version of it from 2008, with a few changes, but it's essentially the same. It may not be 'true', but it's a story with a message.

Because it's long, I bolded some parts I think are important...
YES, a couple can reconnect!
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“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

[Darth Penguin]

So lying and emotional blackmail beats talking to your spouse about a serious health issue that's been affecting you for months previously. All to protect the son when just pretending that everything is as it was for that last few months.or is the wife worried that if she told her husband, he'd be rushing out to get life insurance on her??


Jane appears to have had a very lucky escape ....

[erin9mmm]

I'm surprised at the negativity. I thought the story was very nice and did have a good message. Thanks for sharing Natalka.

[Lynn49]

I'm sorry, but I tend to agree....these shmaltzy stories are bad enough when received in an email, to "teach" us something, as if Harlequin stories have life lessons in them.
This guy couldn't see his wife's illness and the fact that she was fading from their lives because he was so wrapped up in himself.
I agree...Jane lost one self-obsessed jerk.

Sorry, Natalka....you're an ol' softie and a romantic and I've always enjoyed your posts...but this time, it just missed the mark for me....sorry....?

[abbasgirl]

Well, I liked it and I'm not usually the sentimental type. I never read forwarded emails.

[SharonMe]

It's a good reminder how time slips by so fast .How easily life can become so routine that we forget to treasure moments and the love we have now.Instead of searching for someone new, renew what you already have.
I understand the wife's motives if she just found out she had cancer, it would be a bad time to tell her husband about it. If he stays, it would be because he felt pity and if he left her, he would be seen as callous.
It's just so far from believable though to think someone could not realize his wife is fading away and dying of cancer right before his eyes, I'd have preferred a happy ending

[Darth Penguin]

The original version out form 2004 is the one where the wife isn't dying. That's not as cloying.

[MrsSunshine]

regardless of whether this 'story' is true or not it does as Sharon said make a point. its not the fact of what he did/didn't do to his wife. its what he was missing.. something he will NEVER get back again because he left 'things' get in the way. if anyone has EVER literally watched someone die over the course of a month they will understand this story. my husband lifted my FIL from his wheelchair for the last time the day before he died and laid him in his bed. he went from 200+ lbs to less than a 100 in 3 months. it was heartbreaking. and his FIL didn't tell ANYONE he was sick and swore his wife to secrecy until it was too late. this story just gives everyone who is married or in a relationship a reminder to appreciate every single second you have. someday you won't have it.
on a side note.. my FIL made a relative promise him when he found out that when he was sick that he'd give a special gift to my MIL. im sure the day she was given it months after he was gone.. she'd have given anything to have him back. anyway thats my ramblings.

[walkonby]

I inhaled the whole story, and was touched by it, Guess I am a stump too, oh well to each their own I suppose.

[glowworm2k]

I think it's not as much about the story as the need to ensure we're actually connecting with those around us in a meaningful way.

If you want a bit of a sappy love story on a similar theme, check out this news item from CBC Ottawa Morning on a couple's 72nd anniversary and vow renewal. http://www.cbc.ca/ottawamorning/2012...g-anniversary/ (my apologies for CBC's inability to figure out the proper number suffix). This couple, after 72 years of marriage, are still so close and connected that I couldn't help but smile while listening this morning.

[ashokia]

what a dumb story

What a dumb reply.

(Not very nice is it?)

[MortgageQueen]

This reminded me of a quote from an elderly gentleman who had just celebrated his 60th wedding anniversary with his beloved wife.
When asked what he thought was the reason of the success of their marraige, he responded, "One of us was always in love with the other". At any given time, one mate may love the other more. . .and likely one or the other mate will "fall out of" love with the other . .for a time. This struck me as the truest statement ever made on marraige. 60 years (or 10, or 20,30. . . ) is not of 24/7 bliss. There are some bad times. . .but sticking it out. . .making a huge effort. . .is soooo worth it

[CouponasaurusRex]

what a dumb story

What a rude thing to say...Jeez

[nicolthepickle]

I really liked that. Thanks for posting.
Maybe he was selfish, but he was starting to realize it.

[DaveP]

I think the message of the story is that if you're being an ass to those you love, you might not have time to take it back. I learned that lesson back in 1993 when my mom unexpectedly passed away. Story could be better written but the message at its core is a good one.