Thank you card trends

[sweetmomma]

I was raised to send/give thank you cards as a child so I suppose I expect the same. I realize I can accept the same in person but nowadays I find people rarely say thank you period(especially for weddings). I find that rude. In my experience I find it is the people who have the expensive items on their registry, or I attended a wedding a few yrs ago where you had to buy your plate of food, your own drinks, plus the couple only wanted money as a gift as they were using it for their honeymoon who have such behavior. Almost like they take you for grated and feel you owe them.

[SarahS83]

I got married last year. My wife and I sent out thank you cards for both our bridal shower and the wedding itself. We sent a photo card with a hand written note inside saying thank you (within 3 weeks of our wedding) We had a wedding of 50 guests who each took time to attend our day and celebrate with us. We sent out thank you cards to everyone because even those who could not afford a gift took time to join us and that is what was important.

I don't think there is such a thing as no time to personalise. Was it time consuming to have the cards printed, write them and mail them? Yes, but I was so grateful for the love that people showed us and it felt really nice to let them know that, especially after the chaos of the wedding day itself!

I would be offended to be given a pre printed note on the way out of a wedding or shower. Feels like a receipt for a transaction and not a genuine thank you.

[nightlite]

I got married last year. My wife and I sent out thank you cards for both our bridal shower and the wedding itself. We sent a photo card with a hand written note inside saying thank you (within 3 weeks of our wedding) We had a wedding of 50 guests who each took time to attend our day and celebrate with us. We sent out thank you cards to everyone because even those who could not afford a gift took time to join us and that is what was important.

I don't think there is such a thing as no time to personalise. Was it time consuming to have the cards printed, write them and mail them? Yes, but I was so grateful for the love that people showed us and it felt really nice to let them know that, especially after the chaos of the wedding day itself!

I would be offended to be given a pre printed note on the way out of a wedding or shower. Feels like a receipt for a transaction and not a genuine thank you.

+ 1

People traveled from out of town. Had to get baby sitters. Spend a hell of a lot of money on a gift. The LEAST you can do is hand write a thank you for their presence, their time, tell them how their gift will be used. Generically printed off cards remind me a lot of the reason I absolutely cannot stand e-cards. They scream lack of effort. I'm sorry but no one is that busy. Make the time.

[benmackmom]

In general I am a believer in sending thank you cards. For practical purposes, I also believe that if you have thanked the gift giver in person, there is no need for a hand written note. For example, if at my son's birthday party he profusely thanks his Aunt C for the great gift, I see no reason to have him write her a note. However, that same son may receive a gift via mail from someone who couldn't attend the party. For that gift, he writes a thank you card.

I am not a stickler about receiving thank you gifts, except in the instance that I didn't have the opportunity to hand the gift directly to the recipient (i.e. left on the gift table at a wedding reception). In this case, I want to know that the gift was received and that they acknowledge what my gift was. For example, I have a close cousin who we gifted 5 places settings of her china - a very generous gift. At some point the card must have come off of the gift because the thank you card we received was for one place setting of her flatware. I wrote her a note letting her know what our gift actually was. Another instance was when 6 months after the wedding we hadn't received acknowledgment for a gift. I called the bride to make sure they got the gift - turns out it "walked away" from the gift table

My MIL is a real stickler for thank you cards..so much so that at one of my bridal showers her gift to me was a few hundred blank thank you cards and the stamps to mail them. I guess she wanted to make the point that she expected me to do handwritten notes. Bless her heart!!

Finally when doing the thank you cards after our wedding, I found 3 gifts without cards and no way of figuring out who gave what - so I sent those three couples a "generic" thank you - not acknowledging the specific gift.

On the IOU thing - we got one of those when getting married - 27 years later I am still waiting for the "custom made Cesar salad bowl". LOL

[Kyeste]

I don't send 'Thank You' cards and I feel awkward receiving them for attending weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, whatever. I feel sorry for the trees that get cut down in lieu of the person just saying, "Thank you," in an e-mail / over the phone / in person.

I know a lot of people expect and love receiving them. I'm just not one of them!

[leda]

I have to agree! I personally like a hand written message or remark. It feels very impersonal when the words come from some stranger working at Hallmark, than the person you who actually gave you the card! On another note; what is with the lack of Thank You cards?! A few years ago I went to a friend's wedding and gave her a cash gift....no Thank You card. My BIL....no Thank You card....I know you're family, but I still spent a good wad of cash on your gift! After I had my son, I made up Thank You cards for those who gave me gifts, and for the wonderful doc that I had, who took great care of me, when I was very, very ill during my pregnancy. A friend of mine made a remark; oh, you can tell you are a new mother - when she saw the cards. WTH? I'm being polite and thanking people who went out of their way to buy me and/or my son a gift.
I know people can have huge amounts of guest at a wedding or event, but please, take the time to write even a simple statement in the card. I was just at a friend's wedding that had an insane amount of guests. She still wrote something personal in the Thank You card, and because of that, I did actually keep it.

[Dayanara]

I got married April 17, 2010. I had my thank you cards out by mid-May. I tried to write something personal in each one as best as I could, but it was hard. We had around 200 guests and it got boring writing the same thing over and over. But I got through it, hand wanted to fall off, lol. There was a pre-printed message in the card as well, so the ones that I wrote something small I did not feel so bad.

I had a few guests not give a wedding gift, but they still got a thank you for attending our special day kind of blurb.

[FallenPixels]

I don't send 'Thank You' cards and I feel awkward receiving them for attending weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, whatever. I feel sorry for the trees that get cut down in lieu of the person just saying, "Thank you," in an e-mail / over the phone / in person.

I know a lot of people expect and love receiving them. I'm just not one of them!

I am with kyeste on this one, please don't cut down a tree to thank me.

If I didn't think you were a genuine friend, I wouldn't go to your shower or wedding or whatever so the thought of giving you a gift I know you will like is enough for me.

My grandma has a friend who once got upset at her for not thanking her properly for the thank you card she sent when my grandma loaned her money for something (funny she had the manners to send a thank you card but not pay back the loan in full lol)

[masid]

I'm torn... i think it's incredibly rude to not send hand written thank you cards after a wedding or shower stating the gift (so i know you actually remember it) etc.. However I do agree that it's quite a bit of paper and bad for our planet. Its the personal message that I feel is most important, so i suppose a personal (not mass) e-mail or phone call would also suffice. Maybe with a note at the bottom stating that an e-mail was sent out of concern for our environment (and not just laziness).

Recently a friend of mine told me that not only did she not receive a thank you for a baby shower she attended, but she was invited by the recipient, via facebook, and asked to bring food. Now that's rude!

[countrycouponer]

I don't send 'Thank You' cards and I feel awkward receiving them for attending weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, whatever. I feel sorry for the trees that get cut down in lieu of the person just saying, "Thank you," in an e-mail / over the phone / in person.

I know a lot of people expect and love receiving them. I'm just not one of them!

I agree with Kyeste on this.I absolutely don't like receiving or giving thank you card.DH and I try our best to be enviromentally friendly.We too prefer emailing a card/Thanking over the phone or/in person.

I am sure if they are our friends then, they would understand and respect our choice, just like we respect their choice of sending us paper 'Thank you' card.

About the hand written note, I think it really depends on the person,the upbringing they had(whether they were taught these things or not),the culture they come from(it may not be a part of their culture they may not know or understand this tradition) maybe because it's not important to them,may be they don't care or they are lazy.

oh I got another one may be their hand writing is BAD hehe I know mine is

[sarajk]

I did thank you cards because it was expected and is the polite thing to do.
But my friends did what I normally do with them. Told me not to send them a thank you card!

Its a waste of money and a tree.
People read them and throw them out. Or put them in a box and throw them out a few years later.
Pick up a phone and say thank you or stop by for a visit.
That to me is much more genuine then a piece of paper in the mail.

[TrueNorthTreasures]

Just not acceptable, in my opinion. It strikes me as lazy, in fact.

It's interesting to me that what people think is acceptable in terms of thank you notes for wedding/shower/baby gifts is changing. A couple of months ago, I was handed one of those photo cards with a pre-printed thank you on it as I left a baby shower. Three weeks ago, we received another photo card with a pre-printed message as a thank you from a wedding back in August (they had no time to write an actual message in the seven months since the wedding?) Sure, photo cards look professional, but it would be nice if people could write a short, personalized message as well.

[TrueNorthTreasures]

I would be offended to be given a pre printed note on the way out of a wedding or shower. Feels like a receipt for a transaction and not a genuine thank you.

Perhaps it is just a cultural difference/preference, but I feel the same way as Sarah.

[oscarandme]

A wedding, such a personal and special event and personal touches are expressed throughout the entire event and thank you notes are an important touch to this special day and the least you can do is write out thank you notes. The weddings I have attended just want the gifts and don't care about thank you cards. It is terrible. I even try to incude nice thank you stationary in my trades.

I undertand your disapointment. I am French Canadian and I appreciate the rituals and a thank you note is expected and hand written as well. And as other members mentioned birthdays or even someone doing something nice for you. We all are different but by cutting down on little special things I think it makes us de-sensitized to other things and we often return to our roots as a guideline and a thank you note (hand-written) is one of those roots that are special and appreciated.

I too send Christmas cards too in the mail and several people don't respond the same-have gotten used to it unfortunately. Last year my husband said no cards this year (no one appreciates your kindness), so later everyone mentionning that they did not get their cards. What the... You buy nice cards, gold/silver seals, write everything out (personal notes), buy stamps. The time and effort and sentiments. So after all the steps a guest goes through and attends your special event the least you can do is to send a fippin thank you card and refer to the "gift" and say thanks....

So many various opinions on this issue. Never pleasing everyone, weither environmental issues, tossing when receiving or how about just a lovely note of appreciation for sharing a life changing moment in our lives and taking it for the way it was intended.

[matrix82]

I guess at least you were given a thank-you card. One friend was married 7 years ago (divorced within a year, no thank you), another 6 years ago, no thank you, another 5 years ago, no thank-you.

I am tired of getting no thank-you.