How often do grandparents visit?

[Darth Penguin]

Thanks for everybody's input, I'm jealous of lots of your great relationships. And I know im not crazy now. (My dad has to walk 3 mil a day for his heart does around 10am, I suggested he come get our 2 year old and take him out in the stroller on his walk stop at a park or something too, said no u should bring him to me, wife is home alone with 2 kids and no car they have 2 cars...) Going to hope they come around and start making an effort, until then I don't think they deserve to spend time with my awesome kids.

That's a shame. I loved the times I spent with my grandparents. GF talked to about WWI and WWII and how his family served in action. GF was in a reserved occupation and wasn't allowed to go and fight. GM hated those talks..didn't think they were ladylike subjects...


Sadly we are too far away for our remaining parents to see us on a daily/weekly or monthly basis.

[Lesley73]

Mastersaver, I just want to say that I am in an extremely similar situation. I have a 27 month old and an 11 month old. My parents live about 15 minutes away from us. My youngest was born 8 weeks early at 4lbs, We had no help, aside from the day home my oldest was in (that we paid for) and really not a lot of empathy.
All holidays and events are on my parents terms and they have told me that they will visit when they feel like it. They are 'busy'
Most recently my mother decided that if my oldest birthday party was not a private party with just her and my father that she was not coming.... Well that was my last straw. I have decided it might actually be better to not force the relationship. My children are young enough now that I don't have to explain why nanny didn't come to a birthday party or why grandpa only stays 10-15 mins when he visits, but that will soon change and I don't want them to be hurt by people that should love them.
I actually have not spoken to my parents since January because of all of this. Sad but true... But my kids are priority #1 now, not what my parents needs or wants are. I am far to busy with my girls to cater to other peoples needs even if they are my blood.
Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone out there. It took me along to accept that my kids basically just won't have 'those' kind of grandparents but that's all I can do. We cannot control the actions of others, only our own

[Snow Queen]

My grandparents not once visited me, my parents always had to take me to visit them. They also never did anything with me (take me fishing, take me to the beach when they live only 5 minutes away from it, etc) and deep down it still hurts to know they did nothing with me. They have since died from old age. I have no fond memories of them. Not much to be happy about when all they did was put money in an evelope every holiday.

[ashokia]

That seems just wrong. My MIL lives about half an hour away and comes in usually once a month and spends a whole weekend so that DH and I can get out of the house and do something on the Saturday and then she takes me shopping for any big things we need on Sunday.

My mother comes in at least once every two weeks and she lives an hour and a half away. During the winter it is more like once a month.

However, my brother who lives ten minutes down the road has been to my house twice since DS was born almost a year ago. It can definitely be frustrating to go through that.

That being said, DH and I do not drive, so we're reliant on others to come to us. If we could drive, I think it would be only fair that we go and visit them half the time and have them visit us the other half.

[travel-mum]

I am a grandparent myself, and I know it's a fine line between being involved enough and being too involed.
Our daughter lives 1 hour away, and when she had her children I would go up once a week during the week to give her a break so she could take a shower, get things done, go out, etc. I did that for one year for her first child and two years for her second child. It was hard on me, as I worked part-time and ran a business out of my home at the same time, but I know she needed it and she appreciated it. And because of that I have a great relationship with my grandchildren. I always ask them "How much does Grandma love you?" and they stretch their arms out as far as they can reach!
Our son and daughter-in-law live only ten minutes away. I helped out with their first child as much as I could, but my son got paternity leave for their second child, so they don't need me as much.
All of the above means that each situation is different. Each child and grandchild need different things at different times. A good grandparent tries to juggle everyone's needs as best they can.
I don't understand a grandparent who does not want to be involved in their grandchidrens' lives. It is a privilege to be in their lives, not a right. Grandchildren are such precious gifts, and when they see you, and their eyes light up and they run to you yelling, Grandma! Grandma! I could just about cry. After I'm attacked by them, I pick each one up, swing them around in the air and say "Yay for my Thomas!" and "Yay, for Ella!"
I'm not saying I'm perfect, and I know I'm probably in their lives sometimes a little more than my children want, but granchildren are only babies for a short period of time, and if you want to have a good relationship with your grandchildren you have to make them comfortable with you while they're still young.
Any grandparent who lives far away from their grandchildren would ENVY anyone who could see their grandchildren at any time! And I think for them to not take the opportunities to do so is a SHAME. And I feel sorry for both the grandparents and grandchildren!

[bibiee]

EVERYDAY!!
And the baby isnt even born...
They live at 5 minutes of our house so maybe they'll visit 2 or 3 times a day when he'll be there.

[ccmp1974]

We go to visit my parents almost every weekend. They live 40mins away. My DHs parents have passed both suddenly at an early age so we treasure every minute we have with our family as you never know when the time will come when they will not be there to visit.

[cakebakingmama]

That is so difficult. With my first my mother (the only grandparent in this province) never came over despite me really needing her to. I would take baby to see her at least once a week. When I became pg with my youngest so three years later and was put on bedrest something hit her and suddenly she became involved. I am so thankful that she now has a relationship with my children. Hopefully they will come around as well.

[nadiabreckon]

They live 10min away and they never stop by to see the kids? I would be a LIVID! Maybe it's because DS doesn't get to see his grandparents very often (we live in NS, my parents are in Ontario and in-laws are in BC)..We've seen my dad once in the past 2 years, my mom has never flown because my step-dad has had major surgery and was on the waiting list, my MIL has flown here twice and my FIL and his wife haven't seen DS since we moved away from BC when he was only 2 months old..Hope all of that makes sense..hahahaha... It kills us, as well as our parents that they don't get to see him as often as everybody would like. You can bet that if we lived even a few hours away we'd be spending weekends together and he'd be having sleepovers at their houses!

You're doing a great job, and I can tell you really want the kids' grandparents to be a part of their lives by the sound of your post...

[juniperjune]

We see my side of the family on a weekly basis. We see his on a ???? basis, a few times a year, 5 max. I deal with my family, he deals with his side of the family, as the great advise of Dr Phil, lol. He manages his own people. I think the way his family interacts is really poor, but it is up to him to tell his mother. Gentle prodding, but we can not change how she is. Sometimes they need to be told that we want them in our lives, and sometimes they just don;t want to be that involved. Maybe they feel like they want to be more involved, but they are waiting for the ok from you?
Good luck

[MrsSunshine]

when my kids were younger. we saw them alot.. nearly daily.. as my kids grew.. it became less often. however for the last 15 years we've lived only a block away.. and still have a great connection.. we had an 'issue' a couple of years ago which resulted in losing our relationship for a year. due to a near tradegy of losing both my parents in one day.. i soon realized its just not worth it. i did set boundaries which they respect and our relationship is now awesome.. we also lost FIL/Dad nearly a year ago. that too woke us up.
i realize some ppl just can't have those relationships but for us. it works. with both my boys now late teeners.. im so glad they have the connections they do. some day they will too

[i_forget]

Who needs enemies when you have family? Honestly, reading some of the posts on here has given me the strength to cut my mother off. She lives 10 minutes away and no matter how much I begged, she would only "babysit" my children when she could "squeeze" them in....which was about once every 3 or 4 months....and only if I asked. She never called to come visit, or take the kids anywhere or spend a night with them, I had to force the relationship.
She was never an involved or supportive mother, so I have accepted the fact that by being a selfish mother, that she would be a bad grandmother.
There is no point in fighting, just have to remember what I did not like about my mother, and make sure that I give my kids more.

[MrsSunshine]

that i understand iforget.. my MIL doesn't 'babysit' she's a grandma.. thats it.. at this point in our life im happy with that. they are unconditionally loved by my parents.

[glowworm2k]

Wow! I'm amazed at how many SC'ers have had difficulty with parent-grandparent-grandchild relationships. I'm sorry for all the heartache involved for you all, but can totally identify with the struggles, trials and tribulations that it represents!

DH and I are hoping to have kids in the very near future, and we've already discussed the kinds of relationships we'd like our potential future offspring to have with their grandparents. We're both adamant that they should get to know their grandparents from a young age and develop close ties, but also that we need our privacy (his Mum will be here 24/7 if we let her, I'm sure.... not healthy for our relationship!) It's also tricky because DH's parents live much closer than mine (1h away versus 3h away), and I want to make sure that all the grandparents get an equal amount of time with them - no picking favourites or my parents losing out on building relationships just because they live farther away. We've also got some worrisome family issues on my side as my Mom and Dad are divorced, Dad's new wife and I don't get along, and Mom is pressuring me to take responsibility for her financial difficulties. That said, we are hoping that everyone will be able to put their interests and issues aside and figure out a schedule that works for us all. (Yes, yes, I'm asking a lot, but a girl can hope, right?? )

[MommyMelanie2007]

I have a special needs daughter and my parents like like 3 minutes away. I tell them all the time how tired I am ( she has stopped sleeping through the night and I am lucky if I get 90 mins of consistent sleep) and she tells me she knows I am tired but nevers offer to help. My daughter has eaten her feces and smeared it and she wouldnt come and watch her in the bath so I could scrub the walls. I think some people think they have grown their children and now its our turn. Which I get but we are also family and family helps each other when one is down. anyways they will only come to see them if I invite them for dinner. This weekend was her birthday and she carried on about how she wanted to spend it with her grandchildren. Anyways I dont know why grandparents dont want