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Thread: Ever feel like you will be alone forever?

  1. #16
    Smart Canuck glowworm2k's Avatar
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    It's all about attitude in my opinion. I live with my DH (although we're not actually married), and I really, really miss my single days sometimes. Don't get me wrong, we get along great and don't have relationship problems or anything, but I do love, love, love the week every year when he takes his solo motorcycle trip and I can have the house to myself - do what I want, when I want, how I want, without having to think about what anyone else would think about it!

    I think the reason our relationship works is because in some ways, we act more like roommates than married folk: neither of us are into romance, constant connectedness, or needing to finish one another's sentences, etc. Since it sounds like you're interested in eventually finding someone, remember that not all relationships will look the same or feel the same - sometimes the most satisfying relationships are those that aren't what you ever expected them to be like. Heck, my ex-husband was a romantic guy who would bring home flowers and surprise presents, wanted a traditional relationship, etc. and then decided that I "wasn't making him happy" because I didn't live up to his expectations of what a "wife" should be. The loss was devastating at the time, but now I realize that it was likely the best thing that could have happened to me: I learned a lot from that relationship - chiefly, to make sure that my happiness doesn't get lost in trying to make a relationship work. So, *hugs* to you as you look for a relationship and just remember that you don't need to "settle" - it won't make you happy just because it sounds picturesque. <3

  2. #17
    claires mommy too! <3 gracesmommy's Avatar
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    i'm sure you will find someone.. have you ever tried dating sites? sometimes i wish i could be more alone. to be independant and care for just yourself would be nice
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    Canadian Genius Abby5's Avatar
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    I find this so interesting ! I have friends who are single and with no kids. They r always complaining about not being married , not having kids, being alone. I always listened to them. But I can not relate at all I had my son when I was a kid myself and his Dad was a mess (still is) and I started dating when he was 4. (I went on many dates and I met my husband and have a son with him too) So I guess I don't know how it feels. I do know how it feels to be alone in a relationship and I think that is much harder then not having one. But that is just my experience I look at my life and I think it is so complicated! I see my friend's lives as being so easy.
    New mom October 2014!

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    Mastermind Shwa Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abby5 View Post
    I do know how it feels to be alone in a relationship and I think that is much harder then not having one. But that is just my experience I look at my life and I think it is so complicated! I see my friend's lives as being so easy.
    I was going to say that too. Some people are in a relationship and not feeling appreciated, so they also feel alone.

    Like others said -- find ways to be happy. "And I know in whatsoever state I am, there with to be content".

  5. #20
    Smart Canuck RedEng's Avatar
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    I met my dh at 20 and married him at 27 and now have 2 kids. Life is good. My sister-in-law was single for years but eventually met someone and married at 41 years. I am sometimes jealous of her ability to travel and live a more carefree life.

    Grass can always seem greener, and we all want that storybook romance, but reality is we control what we want to get out of life.

    It's okay to feel sorry for yourself once and awhile too, it's a great excuse for some chocolate.
    Natalka likes this.

  6. #21
    Smart Canuck
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    The "grass is always greener", but if you are serious about wanting a relationship with someone, you need to work on yourself first. As Natalka says, go to functions and activities that interest you, and keep an open mind.

    Looks might matter initially, but there are more important things that keep people together over time. If you have self-esteem issues, perhaps look into counseling, or if you are comfortable, ask someone you trust to give you a candid opinion about your positive and negative points. Don't take them personally, but do something about it if the comments are constructive.

    I hope this doesn't come across as being coarse, but men can smell desperation a mile away, and bless them, the knuckleheads, they seem to want to have some control over when they are reeled in.

    Good luck!

  7. #22
    CaToonie
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    Also, I wanted to add that there is a benefit to meeting someone in your 30s. You've spent more time focused on yourself. You're more likely to know who you are, so when you meet someone they'll be a better match for who YOU are. A lot of people who meet and marry in their 20s don't know who they are yet. It's tough to develop yourself when you sometimes have to compromise with another person.

    I got married in my mid-20s and I have changed so much since then! So has my husband. There were some growing pains, some sacrificing for one another. Here we are and we're happy, but a lot of marriages don't make it for those reasons. A few years ago, there were a group of single gals at work who said they would never meet anyone and now they're all married. But they only met people after they focused on making themselves happy because they thought they wouldn't meet anyone. It is true that you find someone when you're not even looking.
    kristeven likes this.

  8. #23
    Super-walking bean bun! Ciel's Avatar
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    Couponcat-marstec made a good point about running the "stuff" past a counselor-s/he might reflect back something about yourself you did not realize. If you think you have examined all you can on your own and still feel down, find a clinic with free or pay what you can rates. Keep eyes open for library books or ebooks that might give you some insights on how you are feeling. Sometimes there are listings in the paper for group support meetings, if there is a group one that seems to align with where you are now.
    Also, see if there are community group events that appeal to interests of your own-fill your well of interests, perhaps you have not played or sung or made something in a long time.
    Another boundary to consider-if you are the type that always helps others, you have to learn to say "no" more in order to give yourself more time to be free. You can offer to help to an extent (say how much or when) but don't always let your friends tell you how you can help them. Ideally, you will have the courage to tell your closest or most trustworthy friends of your needs and what you need from them. Then they can be aware you'd like their help. You will find out who your true friends are then.
    "With every goodbye, you get wiser."

    In meantime, I think you need to put some boundaries about hearing/being with your married social contacts-this is the time for you to work on yourself and get yourself centred on what you need now and what you like to be able to do later (this summer, year-end or maybe next year). Personally, I have declined to attend any relative's or friend's showers/weddings-can't go there and am without a regular income so my basic needs are more pressing than contributing to someone's stash of cash or house.
    Last edited by Ciel; Mon, Apr 30th, 2012 at 07:29 PM.
    2020-Money & Baby Yoda & Gatorade

  9. #24
    Smart Canuck sharkie's Avatar
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    You must be first happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.....
    nicolthepickle and Candini like this.

  10. #25
    🌙✨ Candini's Avatar
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    While your friends are getting married and having kids, you keep getting more awesome! The wise words from Barney on How I met your mother. haha

    Stay positive. It actually will happen when you least expect it.
    nicolthepickle likes this.


  11. #26
    Smart Canuck MillieH's Avatar
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    one of my sisters never married, any time she felt like getting married she came to visit me for the weekend and went home relieved she wasnt married My daughter thought she would never marry because she needs alot of personal space, didnt want kids etc etc.. Four years ago at 27 she met a guy who is perfect for her, they dated a year, then moved in together, then a year later got engaged, they are getting married in June. He is the only guy she brought home to meet us. I really thought she wouldnt get into a relationship. I believe that life happens when we are truly ready for it. If you are like me , you never noticed coupons until you started couponing and then they are EVERYWHERE. If you like a certain type of car, you start seeing them everywhere. Maybe if you write on a notepad what you'd like in a partner, not the exterior part but the personality traits, you will recognise him when he comes along.
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  12. #27
    Canadian Guru
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    There is a time and place for everything..including marriage etc.

    Your time and place is always different from others, so don't compare yourself with others, who are getting married, having kids etc..your time and place will also come

    “The Past Does Not Equal The Future” – Anthony Robbins

    nicolthepickle and kristeven like this.

  13. #28
    Smart Canuck
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    I know how you feel. *hugs*
    Have you every heard of the Millionaire matchmaker? Well what are her rules? Follow them. They really make a difference.
    It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.

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