what would you do if someone saved you over 100K

[jasperandchar]

So we sold my in-laws a 2.5 acre parcel at a $15,000.00 discount.

I kept telling them over and over again to get a price for a builder to build their new home but nooooobody listens to me. So after 1 year of fooling around and figuring out for themselves that a modular home is more expensive than they thought. They decide to call the builder I recommended.....low and behold, the custom home is cheaper than a modular....The builder is also kicking in a free vacation for 2 to Mexico or Dominican Republic (not too shabby) but I told them to ask about the vacation as it was a promo that recently ended (2 weeks prior)....or they would never have gotten that. I seen an advertisement for a local real estate agent who offers free stagging if you get her to sell your house. My mother-in-law was going to go and by a whole bunch of arts stuff to decorate (so I saved them $ their also). My in-laws have also asked if they can take our trailer that is at our cottage down to the building lot so that they can camp out as their house is being built. We said sure. Brother in law who is old enough to be on his own has asked if he can stay with us until the new house is built and the old one is sold....sure RENT please. AND of course our kitchen renovations are going to court, no sink can be hooked up in the kitchen until the case is heard in court.....yeah....1 bathroom....

WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?????

PS I never even got a thank you....which really puts my nikkers in a bunch

[c_mcarthur]

oooyyy in laws and family matters yikes
i think every family has issues like these
not much I can input only that I hope people become more respectful of your time and opinions

[littlebean]

I get irked if I hold the door for someone, for example, and they don't say thanks, nevermind ALL that you did for them and they didn't thank you!!!!!!
Holy.

[glowworm2k]

EEk! One of those situations where you can pick your friends and pick your nose, but can't pick your family. I would be easing up on the generosity as it seems to not be acknowledged or appreciated. I can identify: my Mom is super angry at me right now because I won't compromise my own credit rating and financial security by being added to the deed of her house (she needs to do this as the bank is giving her trouble about remortgaging her house without it as she's made quite the financial mess for herself). I already loaned her cash once (which she didn't repay), but I've decided that the gravy train has to stop while I still have my sanity. As your generosity is being taken advantage of, I would recommend you follow the same path; it ain't easy, but it sure does offer peace of mind!

[Darth Penguin]

I'm sorry you are going through this, jasperandchar.

It's hard saying "no" to family but sometimes it's really needed. Especially when people use blood realtionship to guilt you into doing a thing you really don't want/have time to do.

At the end of the day, family should be treated the same way as strangers. You wouldn't take crud like that from a stranger and families should be repectful of your boundaries too.

[jasperandchar]

thanks everyeone, I love the "rant" section.

[bekki3]

Have your hubby stand up at the next family function and announce, "that you should all be thankful to my wife for being so nice to you all... because I wasn't going to be that nice to you ungrateful group!"

Do you think that's a bit harsh??????? Well, maybe it would get their attention!!! Good luck with the build, and the in-laws!!!!

[babyluck]

yikes, I don't know what I would do if I were you. I normally keep my distance from my husband's family (my in-laws passed away, he's got brothers and sisters), it's always problems when ppl get too close. When we used to rent and lived in apt, no one other than one of his brothers ever visited, but now, since we bought a brand new house with my parents' help, we sure have quite a few visitors, I don't mind that, but I won't go out of my way to kiss someones' behind either.

[SavenRaven]

Have your hubby stand up at the next family function and announce, "that you should all be thankful to my wife for being so nice to you all... because I wasn't going to be that nice to you ungrateful group!"

Do you think that's a bit harsh??????? Well, maybe it would get their attention!!! Good luck with the build, and the in-laws!!!!

Bah haa ha ha! That is EXACTLY what my husband would do! It would probably work too. I think, most times, people are just too concerned with themselves to stop and think about what others are doing for them.

[hollyquaiscer]

OH man, what else could happen to you right now. I can't believe that bil would ask to stay with you guys....really....whats up with that??? Does he not see that you guys have issues you are dealing with right now. I can see there will be no camping for you this summer either. I know it's really hard saying no, even harder with family, but a what point do you draw the line.

You need to tell bil that he needs to pay you guys rent, and yes, set boundries otherwise you will end up doing his laundry, doing his dishes after supper and so on. Make a clear line in the sand and make sure he knows where to stand before he come in YOUR home.

[vala]

big thank you is needed! what nerve these people have. It wouldn't hurt them to take you out for a nice dinner either

[jasperandchar]

thanks everyone for your kind words of encouragement!

[etherealone]

on behalf of your selfish and self-absorbed family, thank you!

they are obviously too consumed with their own lives to show some gratitude. You are a caring and generous in-law! Sleep well knowing that.

[kidsteph]

There is a fabulous radio psychologist I listen to on podcast (free on iTunes) called Dr Joy Browne. She advises people to be "cheerful and stupid" and not get caught up in family drama (as opposed to "smart and angry"). I can't agree more with her approach. You do your best and others can't appreciated it, don't waste future efforts (find those who can appreciate your wisdom/efforts).

I had lousy parenting (my mother too, her mother was raised in a Native residential school) and learn alot from Dr. Joy about family relationships. Her approach with teenagers is so amazing.

[jasperandchar]

etherealone and kidsteph thank you both for replying....I should listen to Dr. Joy sometime soon.