A few LOLS for you.....

[22hicks]

[MortgageQueen]

Subject: "teeth"


A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday

after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second

Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks

for 2 hours and 48 minutes.


The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they

asked him what happened.


The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't

talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much

to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his

wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

Hey, don’t blame me, just repeating what I heard!

[MortgageQueen]

Flight Announcement
British-Airways (1)
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York ..
The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and.........OH... MY GOD!"
Silence followed.
Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Im sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled.......
"For the luvva Jaysus......you should see the back of mine

[MortgageQueen]

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for
an hour after mass for me?"
The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of
stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to
keep you occupied."
The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"

[MortgageQueen]

It's those blondes again

Two blondes were filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second, "I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher."
The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just $10 worth."


A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour’s dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking; what have you been doing?"
The blonde says "I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it.”


One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.
"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."
"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."
"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."


Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"


A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"
"Ten," said Buffy.
So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover. "Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"
"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."


A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail. Our blonde friend was stuck again.
The neighbour then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart.
The neighbour then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.


Blonde Interview
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with any person, living or dead, who would that be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one!"

[MortgageQueen]

this is a "laugh out loud" one. dare you not to.

Gramma Still Drives ---Priceless

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.
She writes: Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker .

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach..

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

[momof3heathens]

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for
an hour after mass for me?"
The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of
stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to
keep you occupied."
The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww and a little lol

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