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”Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”
Author: Rodney Dangerfield
”Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.”
Author: Doug Larson
”I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
Author: Rodney Dangerfield
”There is nothing so annoying as to have two people go right on talking when you’re interrupting.”
Author: Mark Twain
”Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”
Author: Bob Thaves
”To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it; whenever you’re right shut up.”
Author: Ogden Nash
”People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.”
Author: Jerry Seinfeld
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.”
Author: Anonymous
”I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept trying to cover me up.”
Author: Anonymous
”At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”
Author: Ann Landers
”I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.”
Author: Patrick Murray
”Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
Author: Albert Einstein
