A few LOLS for you.....

[padyofurniture]

[padyofurniture]

[Redneck Charger]

Not To Be Taken Lightly.

Now, as if everything else wasn’t bad enough, we find out that beer isn’t good for us? Beer contains female hormones!Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that Beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 large drafts of beer within a one (1) hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:

1) Argued - over nothing.

2) Refused - to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained - weight.

4) Talked - excessively without making sense.


5) Became - overly emotional

6) Couldn't - drive.


7) Failed - to think rationally, and


8) Had - to sit down while urinating
.
No further testing was considered necessary!! Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer. I rest my case....

[Redneck Charger]

IRISH OR ITALIAN ...?

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland , Antonio was born in Italy .

Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects.
Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated,because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified.
With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked: "Why Timothy?"
After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply.

"We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called
wait for it........
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
POPE SE-COLA !

[Redneck Charger]

THE OSTRICH !

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later, the waitress returns with the order. "That will Be $9.40 please".

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money Would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a Million dollars or something; but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say..

[Redneck Charger]

Since it was such a crappy day I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life and came to realize that

Ø As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

Ø Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Ø Lance Armstrong….I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs. Hell, when I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.

Ø Drive By….Someone broke into my house last week. They didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now they drive by and change the channels. The Sick s!!!

Ø The Agony of Aging….On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

Ø Video Scam….Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's all about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

Ø Pregnant Prostitute…Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" "Hey dumb ass, she replied, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart?"

[Redneck Charger]

A Newfoundlander was stopped by a Game Warden recently with two ice chests full of live fish.
He was leavin' a cove well known for its fishing.

The Game Warden stopped him and asked "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"No, sir," replied the Newfoundlander.
"Got no license. I don't need one. You must understand, b'y, dese fish are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" says the Warden.

"Yeah. Dat's de trut' b'y. Every night, I takes dese fish down to de cove and lets 'em swim 'round for awhile.
Den, when I whistles, dey jumps right back into dese ice chests, and I takes 'em 'ome."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that."

The Newfoundlander looked at the Warden for a moment and then said, "It's de trut sir. I'll show ya. It really works."

"Okay," said the Warden. "I've got to see this!"

The Newfoundlander stood on a rock and poured the fish into the cove. Then he stood and looked out to sea.

After several minutes, the Warden says,
"Well?"
"Well, what?," says the Newfoundlander.


The Warden says, "When are you going to call them back?'"


"Call who back?"


"The FISH," replied the Warden!


"What fish?" replied the Newfoundlander.

Moral of the Story: We may not be as smart as some, but by the Lard tundering, we ain't as dumb as some Government employees!

[padyofurniture]

[heartgirl99]

[Redneck Charger]

[Redneck Charger]

[Redneck Charger]

[Redneck Charger]

[Redneck Charger]

[Redneck Charger]