what kind of man leaves a woman and two little girls with nothing?

[glowworm2k]

Thanks everyone for your posts you are helping me get through this.
Here is an update of what is going on

He was staying at his parents house but has now gotten into a fight with his dad and is now not welcome there. He cant seem to find a place to live either. As of tonight he has nowhere to go and keeps calling me and emailing me begging me to let him come and sleep on the couch. AS IF!!!! 1 week ago he was doing everything he could possibly think of to try to screw me over and hurt my children. And now he wants me to help HIM? He is threatening to hurt himself (in his last email) if I do not help him. sorry buddy, your sob stories arent going to work on me anymore!!!

I'm so, so sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Good work standing strong! It's not easy sometimes; there are so many emotions involved plus just the day-to-day struggle of making do. I don't yet have children, but did have a similar out-of-the-blue breakup that left me struggling to get by and with little ability to pay my bills. I blew through most of my savings pretty quickly (I was doing an unpaid 40hr/wk internship at the time, plus a 24hr/wk part-time job, plus 2 school courses, so adding extra shifts was physically impossible for me). I got through it by reminding myself that some way, somehow, I would make it through. I know you've mentioned you have a very caring family that can help to pick you up. Also, never underestimate the kindness of strangers.

If you think your ex is being serious about hurting himself and he makes threats, please do call the police. It may sound like a bit of an extreme step, but people do crazy things sometimes and it might not be a bad idea to have the police aware of the situation just in case.

As for resources, in addition to your local food bank, if there are women's centres around, these organizations often have baby supplies, emergency food, and many other supports to offer. Our drop-ins here offer everything from haircuts and manicures, to daily meals and emergency food, to counselling services, to information and referrals to many, many programs that you may not know about. Although some people think these centres are just for the homeless or destitute, please give them a call; you'd be amazed at the kind and wonderful people you can meet at them! (source: personal experience)

*hugs* and keep your chin up! Your kids need you and every effort you put towards raising them will pay off tenfold by shaping them into wonderful people who learn how to make do, show unconditional love even when the world seems to be falling down, and just generally dealing gracefully with adversity.

[gracesmommy]

good for you for staying so strong! youre doing the right thing by not letting him back in your life and onto your couch. like everyone else suggested, ask for help. there's absolutely no shame in asking the food bank, salvation army etc. for help. you're being the responsible one taking care of your children.

[Minou]

Thanks everyone for your posts you are helping me get through this.
Here is an update of what is going on

He was staying at his parents house but has now gotten into a fight with his dad and is now not welcome there. He cant seem to find a place to live either. As of tonight he has nowhere to go and keeps calling me and emailing me begging me to let him come and sleep on the couch. AS IF!!!! 1 week ago he was doing everything he could possibly think of to try to screw me over and hurt my children. And now he wants me to help HIM? He is threatening to hurt himself (in his last email) if I do not help him. sorry buddy, your sob stories arent going to work on me anymore!!!

Oh, good. Funny how these jerks turn to this old threat, hoping it's going to work.

Definitely use some of the resources that have been mentioned. Is there any way you can return to work from maternity leave early? Might be worth checking into if it will get you the money you need.

[happymomy1]

Thanks everyone for your posts you are helping me get through this.
Here is an update of what is going on

He was staying at his parents house but has now gotten into a fight with his dad and is now not welcome there. He cant seem to find a place to live either. As of tonight he has nowhere to go and keeps calling me and emailing me begging me to let him come and sleep on the couch. AS IF!!!! 1 week ago he was doing everything he could possibly think of to try to screw me over and hurt my children. And now he wants me to help HIM? He is threatening to hurt himself (in his last email) if I do not help him. sorry buddy, your sob stories arent going to work on me anymore!!!

I read this post a couple times and have a few comments.

- If you haven't already changed the locks DO IT!! He could come back and come after you guys or come back and take everything out of the place.
- Print off the emails and give a copy to a trusted family member and also go to the local police station and give them a copy of the emails as well. You need a report on this is he does something and comes after you or the kids. Also it can be used in the future if he tries to take you to court for custody of the kids. It is amazing that people who are like this can then act super perfect for court in order to get custody and if you don't have proof of past incidents you are out of luck.
- Do not let him see you or the kids without having someone there!

[misstarbender]

oh yes my lawyer has a copy of every email!! and I do have a police file # on everything
I went to mediation today and said I want full custody and he can have supervised visits and he must pay me support. If he doesnt agree to that then I am fully prepared to go to court!!!
Bring it on!!!
I have his keys (we live in a apt) so I couldnt change the downstairs lock but I DID change my door lock.
Im being as smart and possible in all of this and he is the one who will come out looking unbalanced and irrational!!!
yay me!

[glowworm2k]

oh yes my lawyer has a copy of every email!! and I do have a police file # on everything
I went to mediation today and said I want full custody and he can have supervised visits and he must pay me support. If he doesnt agree to that then I am fully prepared to go to court!!!
Bring it on!!!
I have his keys (we live in a apt) so I couldnt change the downstairs lock but I DID change my door lock.
Im being as smart and possible in all of this and he is the one who will come out looking unbalanced and irrational!!!
yay me!

Wow! Congrats on being so together and organized; it isn't easy, but I'm so happy to hear how you're taking charge! One thing is for sure: he sure picked the wrong lady to mess with!

[Chimmi]

Fantastic job! Very proud of you

[SavenRaven]

Seriously...the more I think about it the more pissed off I get!!
He took the rent money...he ran out on a phone bill and hydro bill......Im still on maternity leave and we were barely getting by with his income and mine... now I have nothing!! and am in danger of having my hydro turned off!! Does he care? no!! does he offer help with the bills? no!!! did he forget about the two little girls living here? i guess he did!!!
my stock pile (whats left of it) will have to get us by...thank goodness I dont need any toilet paper, diapers or formula soon!
I just cant get over it! I would NEVER do that to my kids!

There is a lot of good advice on this thread and luckily there are many programs out there designed just for these types of situations. My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine the way you must be feeling right now.

If you are ever in need of diapers, baby food or formula, don't hesitate to PM me. I provide emergency Diapers and Formula to many families that are struggling for many reasons and, although I usually only provide locally, I would be more then willing to send a package to you via Canada Post.

Take care and be strong.

[kerrylj]

Good for you.

I know many say that someone like this won't pay support and many don't voluntarily but if the order is in place they can take part of any kind of money the he is entitled to like income tax refunds, Employment insurance and even a piece of their pension if it is not paid by then.

I know someone who's ex was a deadbeat for many many yrs and at some point he ended up on employment insurance and they took 1/2 his check and sent it to her as long as he was on it. She was thrilled to suddenly have a little extra for a while. Just a few months ago he must have come into some more cash or something because one day she got another nice deposit into her account. It was great for her because she was in a tough spot at that time.

Getting the custody thing in place is very important as well because it will prevent him from being able to grab the kids as easily. The courts/mediation/legal crap is painful and slow so I am glad you have some help with that part.

[lavenderplum]

so sorry...hang in there, we as women are stronger than any man out there...*hugs*
you'll be ok, and you dont need a man like that in your life.

[hollyquaiscer]

Don't you dare let that fool back in. You have your family to protect, and you don't need him. He could care less if you and the kids had a roof over your head when he took the rent money. Maybe he should have used it to get himself a place..... You can do this, it will be hard at first, but time heals all wounds and you will be much better off without him. Stay strong... we are all here for you.

[Darth Penguin]

He was staying at his parents house but has now gotten into a fight with his dad and is now not welcome there. He cant seem to find a place to live either. As of tonight he has nowhere to go and keeps calling me and emailing me begging me to let him come and sleep on the couch. AS IF!!!! 1 week ago he was doing everything he could possibly think of to try to screw me over and hurt my children. And now he wants me to help HIM? He is threatening to hurt himself (in his last email) if I do not help him. sorry buddy, your sob stories arent going to work on me anymore!!!

I can see soooo many more stories this guy's goning to furnish us with.

[dariusz8]

Seriously...the more I think about it the more pissed off I get!!
He took the rent money...he ran out on a phone bill and hydro bill......Im still on maternity leave and we were barely getting by with his income and mine... now I have nothing!! and am in danger of having my hydro turned off!! Does he care? no!! does he offer help with the bills? no!!! did he forget about the two little girls living here? i guess he did!!!
my stock pile (whats left of it) will have to get us by...thank goodness I dont need any toilet paper, diapers or formula soon!
I just cant get over it! I would NEVER do that to my kids!

I am not taking any sides here, as i do not know you or your husband personally besides what you mention here. Didn't write this to be attacked either. I don't feel its my place or anyones place to tell someone what decisions they should make aswell. I am now 30, grew up without a father also since an early age. I am not going to get into any details as its irrelevent. Looking back today, i can honestly say both were at fault of it. I am in no way saying they should have made it work because of the kids, because i understand the fact that not every couple is compatible. There are other reason why people should not be together too(abuse, cheating etc).

Only you can make the choice that is right, not because you read it here. I am not sure about his reasoning for leaving but have you tried to talk about it(in email)? Is this the first time? Is he mentally healthy(depression etc)? I ask this because you said your on maternity and maybe he can't handle things.... communication is an important tool right from the begining.

Men may seem tough but i think women are tougher and are able to deal with things better.

Hope all works out the best for you and your family.

[Gazpache]

Wow.. can I just saw kudos to you for being so incredibly strong, level headed and smart through all this? To be able to think as rationally as you have been, and to be able to compartmentalize things as you have... is just amazing. I wish you could teach that kind of stuff. I'd love to be as strong as you seem to be!

[carlyincanada]

Good for you! Keep everything documented & great that you let the police know too! Also notify school/daycare etc just incase he tries anything (taking kids).
If you send me your addy I will send any coupons I have to help you out...include a wishlist of coupons so i have an idea what you can use Stay strong & all the best to you!