Good luck.Hope you do nail him to a wall.
I really hope that things go smoothly for you and don't take too long. I agree with all the posters who suggest the food bank, social assistance, etc. You are a strong person who is needed by your kids!!
Our thoughts are with you. Stay strong for your children and yourself. You are worth it!
One day at a time and opne minute at a time. That is the best advice I have ever got. I am one of the lucky ones as my ex and I are very civil. We were not for a long time after our split but we are now. He pays his child support on time and in cash if you can believe it lol.
So call social services they will give you a number to call for the hydro I had to use it this month. The salvation Army will help you with your rent for one month, so call them and the food bank is a blessing. I had to use them as well this month as I was struggling to put some things on the table and did not have money to even buy a loaf of bread. There is so much out there to help you and if you find you are struggling, your best friend is going to be your lifeline, mine was. My mom is as well I do not know whta I would do without her she is the best.
If you need anything or a shoulder feel free to PM me I have been there done that. It was 7 years ago but the memory is still there, hard to believe I was 28 lol time flies
I'm thinking about you and have said some prayers for you. Your a strong woman and I just know everything is going to work out in your favour.
Been there, done this. It sucks. That being said, you never know just how strong you can be until being strong is the only thing you have. You are a mother, and as such you need to take care of those babies.
I have seen way too much in the family courts system. That being said, there's a few things you may not have thought of that might help. It's not pretty, but sometimes it is what it is.
* Get some kind of custody ASAP. Even if this means an ex parte order (emergency order usually done within 24-48 hours). As the biological father of one of your children, he has the right to grab that baby out of the stroller if he should see you walking down the street. The police usually will not step in unless there is a court order in place. Until you have a judge's signature, in the eyes of the police you are both assumed to have joint custody.
*If he has acted as some sort of parent to your other child, he can make a plea in court for access, visitation and everything else to that child as well. The term is "in locus parentis"
*Take his threats of going after sole custody seriously. Keep in mind that should he get custody, that would mean the child tax bennifit, child support, welfare benifits, housing subsidies, and all the other "free" money out there to raise a child on. To someone that sounds like a free loader, and has an issue with drug abuse that's an awful lot of free money for his habit, to him your child probably sounds like a great cash cow ready for the milking.
* Do NOT under any circumstances allow him back into your home. I'm not saying deny him visiting the baby, just not in YOUR home. By doing this, as you witnessed, you're allowing him access to your home, to your belongings, and what is now your personal life. Meet him at a nice busy Tim Horton's.
*Do & say nothing verbally. Otherwise it becomes a he said / she said situation with nothing to back up any claim you make. Email or text all communication.
*Consider asking for a parenting capacity study with a psychological component. It's done by a professional with a psychologist that will meet with both of you, many times over many months and he or she will make a recomondation to the courts on who is the better more "fit" parent. I'll warn you tho, that this is an expensive route to go (expect about $5000) for each party.
*Try not to allow your feelings to get in the way. Easier said than done I know. Try to always keep the best interests of the children in mind.
There's a great forum for people going through your situation, google Ottawa divorce.
Good for you girl! Go Gettem! And rememeber stay strong and think of your babies!
I know I'm a little late on the game - but stay strong. You've made all the right moves and have no reason to doubt that you will get full custody. I was in that position when I was 17 and had my oldest son, who is now 5. His father was a drug addict, and was left alone with the baby one time and I came home to him getting high with my son on his lap. It's a hard thing to deal with. That being said, they're very irrational when they realize that they can't take advantage of you anymore. My son's father sued me for full custody and failed miserably several times. They sent him to rehabs and he was unable to even finish the programs to get visitation with his son.
It was hard for a while, but we made it through and I eventually met my boyfriend now and had two other beautiful boys. Things get easier. The only advice that I have is to say nothing specifically bad about him in a courtroom - no name calling and drama (though I'm sure you know this). I think you'll be fine - you sound like a very strong woman and an amazing mother. If you ever need someone who has been in a similar situation with the drug addict and court, please feel free to contact me. Also, if you still do need the formula coupons I should be getting similac cheques in the mail within the week.
thanks so much for your post and your offer couponmama :)
I did some trading and collecting of similac and stocked up 7 cans! so I think we are good!!
I cant wait to get this court date out of the way so I can adjust to whatever our new way of living is going to be...I have to go back to work soon too... :(
What an awful situation. I'm sure that all will work out, especially with all the suggestions that SCer's are able to give!
I have been following your situation and I commend your strength and ability to move forward.
You may already know, but BC has a child care subsidy available to parents to assist with your cost for child care when you return to work. The website says it takes a couple of weeks to get it in place, so if you have not done so already, you may look to this. It is a great support available in most provinces. I work in child care subsidy in Ontario.
Best wishes.
anytime and anything i can do. always here to talk as i said i've been in a very similar situation. i feel for you more than you know. good luck in court - not that you will need it, it's pretty much written in stone for them that you get full custody - and if he keeps threatening, etc. then you need to ask for a restraining and no contact order (though again I know you know this). keep your head up - things get much easier without the stress of people like that in your life. you've made all the right moves and you're doing great with it, so keep going. pm if you ever need to vent.