Finally I'm thinking about getting a divorce, it's been on my mind for a while, but I think I finally have enough courage to do it, I'd like to get all the advice I could before hand. Please help.
EDIT: thanks everyone for listening and all your advice. I have talked to a few of my friends and will take Kalmel's suggestion, to try marriage conselling first, see how it works for us. Thanks so much for the support. :)
So very sorry to hear that...
I've heard their ads - just because they are a franchise, I don't think it's something I would go with (not that I am...)
Info on collaborative family law
http://www.collaborativelaw-waterloo.com/qanda.asp#q1
I don't know much about fairway divorces, but if you and your soon-to-be-former spouse agree on most of the issues and items for a settlement (e.g., division of property, support, child custody (if applicable), etc.), then it would be good to write all this down in advance and take it to a lawyer. If you are both on the same page and just want it over with as little wear and tear as possible, you can go to a lawyer who can draw up an agreement based on your agreed settlement terms. If you can do this and get a separation done, the actual divorce will be just filing a few papers. I actually did this with my former husband (got married young to get out of home... long story) when he eventually - after quite the gong show - came around to the idea that a divorce was in his best interests. There was only one mutual asset and no support, so we did everything by e-mail and regular mail and it was all settled up lickety-split. (There's a lot of backstory I'm not telling here, but when it was time for the actual divorce, it was as quick and painless as signing two documents, mailing them back, and then receiving a court affidavit in the mail stating the date that the divorce would be considered final).
I don't know if any of that will help you, but if you can, try to talk through everything before lawyers of any sort get involved - you'll save lots of time, headaches and $$$ if you can. Good luck! (big hugs)
Thanks for the info, I will take a look at their website. I don't know anyone went through this, and I'm not ready to get my parents involved, so I thought I'd ask for help here to start. :)
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Originally Posted by Natalka
Thank you for your detailed explanation. Actually my husband and I are not on the same page, he is very much against "divorce", but I've had enough, someone has to get things going. The only concern I have is our 3 young ones, I know my husband can get very ignorant sometimes, he might try to take the kids just to make my life hard. I don't know how I can get it done without him agreeing to it.
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Originally Posted by glowworm2k
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation....is there a women's organization where you live that might be able to provide you with some assistance? What about legal-aid, just for information? Good luck with whatever you do.....
Please dont take this the wrong way..not meant at all to offend you in any way...Quote:
Originally Posted by babyluck
All marriages have good times and some bad times and maybe marriage conselling could help save your marriage? It's always so sad when kids are involved and how difficult it can be for them. Dont get me wrong though..i'm not for parents staying together and being miserable..just that i was wondering if you considered all other options before the final one.:-)
I'm sorry for your troubles. I wish I had an easy answer but I don't. I do wish you luck and I hope things turn out well for you and your kids.
Thank you. :)
you know what, i have never thought of conselling, i have been trying on my own to stay together just for the kids, they are just too young to be put through this, no kids deserve it. but among everything else, this might be a good option to start with, in the end, kids are my priority, my oldest understands a little bit of what's going on, it breaks my heart to see her that way.
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Originally Posted by Kalmel
I agree, you should try to work out your marriage first, and if you two still feel it isn't working than go from there. If you and your spouce are both on good terms and both want the marriage to end I would suggest still getting a lawyer, that maybe can work with you both to make the process easier. I am sure going through a divorce can be stressful. But if you both can work together in how you end the marriage, it will work better in both your favours. Good Luck
I do hope that the counselling can help you. Even if it doesn't save the marriage, it could defuse some of the tension and make things more amicable even if you decide to both go your own ways.Quote:
Originally Posted by babyluck
If the counselling doesn't work out, another thing to keep in mind is that if you separate - on a trial or permanent basis - you don't need to do a separation agreement right away. Heck, it took my parents 8 years - yes, years - to get a divorce, then a further 2 years to finalize a separation agreement. While I wouldn't recommend taking that much time, taking a few months before you start trying to work it out can also be beneficial; it'd give everyone a chance to cool off and hopefully reduce the chances that he will act out of spite or hurt feelings instead of the best interests of your children. Your kids have to be the priority, though: if you need to get support sorted out, that'll have to come asap.
Good luck!
Hi There,
I actually used Fairway Divorce...I am located in Kitchener. Its perfect fit if you and your soon to be ex spouse want to save money and protect your kids. Its a mediation process and we found it to be excellent. It didn't cost us an arm or a leg and the whole process only took 3.5 months and we didn't pay thru the nose for lawyers fees. Its a fixed rate so you know exactly how much its going to cost you going in. Lawyers charge by the hour and you have no idea how long it will take. Fairway walks you through step by step and with with you and your "ex" to come to a financial plan, parenting plan and ultimately a separation agreement that protects the both of you but most importantly your children (we have 2 young boys of our own and this was a huge concern. We didn't want our children to be dragged into a laywers battle..WE wanted say how we were going to co-parent and decide living arrangements..not some judge or laywer that didn't know our situation). I can personally say that Fairway is unlike any other process...I have several friends that separated and used different methods and all of them say that had they known about Fairway they would have chosen that route. Fairway provides Seminars on how to co-parent and a What is the law Seminar that I personaly found extremely useful. They allow you to gain the knowledge you need to make informed decisions..there are a lot of myths out there when it comes to "custody", child support, alimony and they really give you a much better understanding. I was like you, scared and unsure at first...all I was that I was not happy in my marriage and I knew there would be no chance in reconcilliation. But after Fairway, I felt confident and more empowered to make informed decisions...Hang in there...there is life after divorce....I am happy to say that I'm a better mom for my kids (cause i'm happier!) and my ex and I are actually on good terms (for the kids!) and that's ultimately what's important. Hope this helps.
Thank you so much for taking your time writing all the details. And yes, it sounds and feels scary even thinking about being a single mom, what am I going to tell the kids, what if they ask for dad one of the nights, what if I need to bring one of them to dance lesson what about the other 2, what if...... there are a lot of what ifs, but knowing all you have told me, made me feel a lot better to even start a phone call.
My husband is very hard to work with sometimes, he doesn't think he needs anyone's advice, so either going to conselling or going through divorce is going to be hard, but I'm going to try work things out to my kids benefit.
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Originally Posted by FordM
My husband is a pain in the arse too lol, we are very different people, I'm a fixer and he is sweep under the rug kinda guy. I'm so mellow that it works between us. He's high strung, and I'm calm.
I hope things work out for you, sometimes women really are from venus and men are from mars LOL