Arranged Marriages - do you still believe in them?

[blistex]

Personally, I think it doesn't work for the most part. But, there are some rare cases nowadays that arranged marriages seem to be right for the couple.

What do you think? If a woman/man is desperate to get married do you think she should go and seek arranged marriages?

[bilingualmk]

nope

[Julie Andrews]

It's really up to the couple. I've known quite a few arranged marriages that have worked out really well. It's not for everyone though.

[bcteagirl]

I have a friend who is being forced into an arranged marriage by her parents right now. It breaks my heart.

[bug]

^ That's sad. I think arranged marriages still happen, but usually not like that (i.e. you must marry this person). My friend said it's mostly about having your parents screen and introduce people to you. Then you go out for a bit, but the ultimate decision lies with the couple. Kind of like dating, but your families are REALLY involved.

I may have to resort to this. I'm not having much luck on my own

[CanadaLovesFree]

Arranged marriages are not just for the "desperate." They are usually cultural, and many follow the format that bug laid out.

In our society, we prize the individual--marriage as an individual choice. Many cultures value the family and family connections as being more important. Marriage brings two (or more) families together, and it is these alliences that are important.

In countries where land is passed on to offspring as inheritance, parents and family want to have more of a say in who their child marries. It is important to keep the wealth and possessions within the family line (cross-cousin marriages, or second cousin cross marriages help to ensure this.) As my anthropology professor said "Property stakes are too high to leave to the whim of 'infatuation'."

Very simplified version...I have an exam tommorrow on cross cultural considerations, including arranged marriages.

Anthro prof also noted that 71% of people in arranged marriages said they loved each other before marrying.

It is important to look at the cultural aspects issues.

[IreneWpg]

My first reaction was to jump on my computer and type "H*LL NO"...but before I could reach the keyboard I stopped.

Hmmm...OK, I don't believe in arranged marriages, BUT... here's the thing: The divorce rate in though the roof. It is very unusual for people to stay married for 50 or 60 years (like my parents did). So obviously, people are not making good choices. I am beginning to think many don't know the difference between lust and love. Arranged marriages take 'lust' out of the equation and a match is made based on commonality.

So....NO, I don't think marriages should be arranged, but I think couples need to think long and hard before getting married.....particularly before having children (they are the ones who suffer most). Opposite may attract, but it's shared interests that keep people together.

[bcteagirl]

I guess we might be able to agree between a difference between 'soft' arranged marriages (parents introduce and possibly supervise a young couple, but it is up to that couple whether or not they get married) and 'hard' arranged marriages?

I have nothing against soft ones, it is the last kind that irks me.This can occur even in Canada if the familes are very enmeshed and threaten to disown....

[bug]

^ yes, I don't think many people are disagreeing with you here!

[alajen]

My grandparents were put together by arranged marriage. They lived in separate, nearby villages. Everything was low tech, so meeting anyone depended on how far you could travel on foot or by ox cart.

In their home country, there was (and still isn't) any welfare, EI, social security, nothing. If you couldn't work, your village helped support your family. If you wanted a pension, you had lots of kids. It was important to set up a couple as soon as they were of age to give them the opportunity to settle their futures together - and to help the village.

If one village had a young man of age, they would ask around to find a village with a young woman of age. Introductions would be made with the expectation that the couple would be married shortly afterwards - thus tying the villages together. Couples made every effort to make the relationship work, since it needed to work.

The time and place are different now, but I appreciate the reasoning behind the old philosophy. It seems that married couples give up much more easily. I hear about 50% divorce rate in some provinces (like Quebec) and I wonder why they bother - and many don't.

I met and chose my husband and I wouldn't have had it any other way - been together 14 years now.

Arranged marriages are not just for the "desperate." They are usually cultural, and many follow the format that bug laid out.

In our society, we prize the individual--marriage as an individual choice. Many cultures value the family and family connections as being more important. Marriage brings two (or more) families together, and it is these alliences that are important.

In countries where land is passed on to offspring as inheritance, parents and family want to have more of a say in who their child marries. It is important to keep the wealth and possessions within the family line (cross-cousin marriages, or second cousin cross marriages help to ensure this.) As my anthropology professor said "Property stakes are too high to leave to the whim of 'infatuation'."

It is important to look at the cultural aspects issues.

[bcteagirl]

I totally agree with people giving up on marriages *far* to easily these days! It really makes me sad, but also angry.. I think it is part of the 'me me me' philosophy... we have swung to far the other way... If you don't feel completely fullfilled (and you should, as a human being (especially if you are female) it is your right to feel fulfilled at all times) for more than a couple months, then they just give up. What a load of baloney.. It may also be people who were raised in a lifestyle where everything is 'disposable'

And a double standard too.. If a woman left to find herself, most (not me) but all women would cheer her on... if a man did, you can bet he would be called far worse things than a pig.

[CanadaLovesFree]

If you don't feel completely fullfilled (and you should, as a human being (especially if you are female) it is your right to feel fulfilled at all times) for more than a couple months, then they just give up. What a load of baloney..


And a double standard too.. If a woman left to find herself, most (not me) but all women would cheer her on... if a man did, you can bet he would be called far worse things than a pig.

must keep in mind abusive situations...physically, emotionally, sexually, verbally, financially, socially...


but yes, our society prizes the individual more then the collective

[blistex]

Personally, I think it works for some but not all. It worked for many grandparents and even our parents but the culture now that we are in doesn't require that we marry, you know?
Woman are equal and can lead independent lives and not have to marry and have kids.

[Chantelle]

yes i've seen it and watched documentaries about forced marriages, it happens in cultures like south east asia for example.
im strongly against this kind of forcing ppl into marriage. basically they just give the girl to some guy, as if the girl is some object... that is pathetic

but if youre talking about the less stricter arranged marriage then its really up to the ppl who are involved - if theyre both happy to meet one another in this manner then good for them

theres always a downside though if u meet someone while having in mind that u want to marry them - u might not be as natural and act "nicer" and so on, which will give a wrong impression of who u really are. also u wont get to see the bad attributes in the person,... but if u know someone and then fall in love with them, chances are youve seen them through their good and bad...

well thats what i think anyways