Do people not RSVP anymore?

[nightlite]

I know I am not alone in this.

Tell me everyone, have you ever tried to plan your child's birthday party or a wedding or any event that requires a head count and the invitees just do not know what RSVP means?

If you can't come, just email and say No.
If you can, just email and say Yes.

It's fantastic trying to plan loot bags and crafts and games and food for a "guestimate" amount of people.

How in the world of e-mails, text messaging, phone calls and hand written mail this isn't possible is beyond me.

So please people, RSVP.

Signed a frustrated Mom

[Shwa Girl]

I know I am not alone in this.

Tell me everyone, have you ever tried to plan your child's birthday party or a wedding or any event that requires a head count and the invitees just do not know what RSVP means?

OP, I feel your pain.
We got invitations to a wedding. The wedding organizer/family was happy we replied that we were coming.
Some people never replied, showed up to the reception (didn't come to the wedding), an hour late, and stood for a long time.
The family organizing the wedding put their foot down and only finalized seating and meals for people who replied that they were coming.
The family greeted all the late comers (classy people) but did not lift a finger to find a seat or find some grub.

It was actually funny to watch the people standing just inside the door of the reception hall.

[MomOfOne79]

I hear ya!! Never more frustrating than having people who show up with out RSVP'ing. I don't care if they don't show up and HAVE rsvp'd (emergencies do come up), but if you are planning loot bags/gifts, amount of food, etc, please just contact!! I hope your frustration eases soon!!!

[sasksaver]

You are not alone in this! For our wedding, only about half of the people RSVP'd, the rest we had to chase down! I ended up having to pay for 10 extra dinners for the ones that said "probably, depends on the weather" WTF?!

And this winter, I offered to host a Christmas party, since the people in our shop where not going to be driving an hour to the main office party. Out of 40 people, 20 people RSVP'd yes, they would be there. 2 people showed up. We just finished the meatballs I had made for the dinner, 400 of them!!! About 100 had to be thrown out. It is just a waste!

Some people just have no manners!! We were taught that you RSVP to any invitation, and if for some reason, you give the host as much notice!

Sometimes I think they need to teach manners and etiquette in schools again!

[MrsSunshine]

not alone at all.

[ninna]

Ugh. yes. This is totally a problem we have experienced as well for children's birthday parties. I thought perhaps people were just more lackadaisical because they thought it was child's party and therefore they assumed it mattered less or something....but what a fricken nightmare and annoyance trying to plan for these things when people are so rude and inconsiderate as to not reply at all. In the past I've made extra loot bags just in case and that was a good plan for the kids whose parents didn't bother to RSVP.

In my opinion, it was the parent's responsibility to teach their child proper manners and etiquette. If you are invited to something, you attend or you don't attend but regardless of whether you are coming or not coming, you provide advance notice either way. You don't wait until the day of and decide that perhaps you have nothing better to do and then show up to the party or decide that the weather is in agreement with you and that you will therefore go after all. It's just plain rudeness.

Decent manners seem to have gone to the wayside. Perhaps they should consider teaching them in schools again!

[KrazE]

When I got married a gazillion years ago (thankfully the divorce was final several years ago lol) it was even a problem back then. We simply decided to invite a small number to the wedding, did not bother with a full on meal, and had a reception with catering of 'finger foods' that was one price based on the hall's capacity limit. We saved money by not having RSVPs printed up and not having a sit down meal.

When the kids were little and invited to birthday parties, it was quite rare that anyone had an RSVP request with the invitations. It was very common for the invitations to be generic and only providing the birthday child's first name, the address, the date, and the start & end time of the party. Sometimes their phone number could be tracked down so a quick phone call could be made to confirm, but 99% of the time the kids didn't even know the last name of the child, and the phone number was unlisted so you could not even use a reverse search based on the address.

It was for this reason that I completely stopped having kid birthday parties and instead we'd plan for a day away from home with activities and a meal and/or movie out as a family. It was less stressful, everyone had fun, and the birthday kid felt special.

[Koolaid]

Oh I feel your pain too. I've stopped having birthday parties for my son for that reason. Instead we give out invitations to his classmates that instead of giving a gift to him, donate to his autism walk. Then we let him have a special day....go to his favourite place...right now it's Applebees and get him a nice gift. His grandparents and family give to his RDSP if they want to give a gift.

[thriftygranny]

It is an ongoing problem. It is plain bad manners from self important people . My granddaughter went to a friends birthday last week and she was the only one that had RSVP'd and the only one that showed at the party. Since we are used to not receiving replies the Mother assumed most would come. It's one thing to inconvenience the party planner but to devastate a child on their birthday is as low as it goes. I do very aggressive invitations and state that if I do not hear by the RSVP date I will assume you are not sending your child and allow my granddaughter to invite another friend. I feel rude doing it but then again who am I offending? Oh , the rude people that haven't figured out the concept of an RSVP!

[iggysbabysitter]

I stopped letting my kids invite friends to their birthday parties... it got so bad that 3 years in a row one son invited 8 kids from class, had my # on the invite, and only 1 showed each time. Thankfully I invite a few family friends each year, I was so ticked off at having the extra expense of food and baggies (I also said no more baggies!). When the kids are older I'll let them do the invites, but for now I'll just call on the ones I know I can count on to show. It's just plain hurtful to have a birthday party for a 7 year old and have one out of 8 kids show up
The last time I RSVP'd a kids party the parent was shocked I called :/

[KrazE]

Just to add to this - one other problem with kids & invitations is handing them out at school and the parents not actually getting the invitation from their child, or only getting it at the last minute and choosing not to send them.

Sometimes it isn't the parent's fault at all, and simply that the child completely forgot the item in their backpack (or even locker) when they reach a certain age and their brain is off in 400 different directions.

[DolceBella]

I find my "friends" are good at rsvp'ing but really bad about backing out at the last minute. I understand people get sick and that but every time I have planned anything they end up cancelling at the last minute. Just say no from the beginning if you have no intention of actually showing up. Just as frustrating as not RSVP'ing.

[momgoneawol]

We get that every birthday party my kids had. Only a few would RSVP. Luckily most of the kids we had phone numbers for so I could hunt them down and get a YES or a NO. My daughters birthday is the end of June so we would invite 10 but only end up with 2 that could attend because of going away, end of school activities, etc... 4 or 5 I had no idea if they would show on the day of so I had to plan loot bags/food in case they did. Had I know I would have just called the couple of parents and done something a bit more exciting. This happened 3 years in a row.

The next year I planned her party 2 weeks earlier and invited 20 girls. 19 ended up coming, 2 that I did not have phone numbers to track down for a yes/no but I did have to phone quite a few to confirm attendance. (that kind of backfired but was fun)
My kids always wanted to do the bowling, or mini golf, or movie parties. I did a lego one ONCE but when you have to pay for X number of kids and you end up paying for 3 or 4 no shows that puts an end to those quick. Now we only do home parties. Might be a bit more of a mess but I don't get as ticked off when people don't show or RSVP.
We did not do a party for my daughters birthday this year (she turned 11) but did have a huge (8 girls) sleepover and did a Harry Potter marathon a few months earlier.
With all the ways to RSVP these days you wouldn't think it would be so hard.

[couponmummy]

I did both kids birthdays at McD when they were young. I paid a set price which includes a private room, cake, balloons, goodie bags, hats, and a McD toy with Play Doh.

Each kid gets a happy meal that I pay, and if parents show up, I offer to pay for their meal but most times, they will pay for their own meal.

Kids get to play in the jungle gym, I get to socialize with parents, and I don't have to clean up.

[xxkatiexx]

my baby shower was supposed to small, I invited only like 6 people. I don't have many friends to begin with and most of my family doesn't live in town. they all RSVP they would be there but only 2 showed up my best friend who threw it and my grandma (well my parents were there but I can't them to leave me alone).

they all had dumb excuses (forgot I had to work, etc.) except my other best friend had one a really hurtful one that I was throwing my life away to be a teen mom (I wasn't super young either I was 19) and she doesn't support me flat out. I got really depressed after that and don't really talk to any of pre-baby friends anymore. What she said was one of the hardest things I had to deal with pregnancy.