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7 Things You Should Never Say to Your Toddler
It can be hard to know what to say or what not to say on a minute to minute basis, and that’s when you’re really trying to do a great parenting job. Often, you’re in the middle of paying bills or making dinner or a million other things and your kid is in your way, trying to keep you from doing what needs doing. You know what happens next, right? You blow up and say something you don’t really mean. Or you really mean it but don’t want your kid to know that. Something like “Leave me alone! Go away!”
I’m guilty of that and a couple other things and maybe you are too? Read on for some of the most common verbal mistakes moms and dads make when dealing with their toddlers and some tips on what to say instead.
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Stop Crying!
Kids, especially toddlers, have a hard time articulating their feelings. Hell, most adults do too. So they cry. Toddlers do, I mean. But adults do too! Your crying toddler might be sad, they might be scared and they might be pissed you turned off their cartoon. Either way, they're expressing their emotions. Telling a child to stop crying or to not be a baby "doesn't make a child feel better, and it also can send the message that his emotions aren't valid -- that it's not okay to be sad or scared." Instead say something like "It must make you sad when your friend won't share" or "I know the waves can be scary, I'll stay right with you the whole time." That way, you're not only naming the emotion for the child and helping him or her express themselves but you're validating the emotion as well.
Hurry Up!
This is another one from CNN's excellent list of 9 Things You Shouldn't Say To Your Child. We've all been there. Rushing around in the morning trying to get kids bathed and dressed and ready to go. Or leaving the grocery store while a little one lags behind. But nagging your child to "hurry up" can backfire. According to CNN, "There's a tendency when we're rushed to make our kids feel guilty for making us rush. The guilt may make them feel bad, but it doesn't motivate them to move faster." Instead think of other ways to get them moving. If they're watching a cartoon instead of doing what you ask, turn off the cartoon. If they're lagging behind tell them you'll race them to the car or the lamp post or whatever.
You're So ...
This to me, is perhaps the most damaging of the list and I do it all the time. "Labels are shortcuts that shortchange kids: "Why are you so mean to Katie?" Or "How could you be such a klutz?" Sometimes kids overhear us talking to others: "She's my shy one." Young children believe what they hear without question, even when it's about themselves. So negative labels can become a self-fulfilling prophecy." The last thing I want to do is make my daughter think she's mean and yet I constantly ask her why she's so mean to her brother. But even labels that seem neutral or positive like "You're so smart" can pigeonhole our kids and create unnecessary expectations. Now, of course you're going to tell your child she is smart or beautiful, but creating those burdensome expectations on your kid is something to be mindful of when doing so. Also, let's say your child is being mean. Instead of calling her mean address her specific behavior without labels. For example, "You hurt your brother's feelings when you took that toy from him. How can we make him feel better?" Problem solving without label-making. Score for you!
Leave Me Alone!
Yet another one I'm guilty of saying to my kids when trying to get things done. Kids can really internalize this and you may set up a pattern where they feel like they're a bother to you and maybe even be less inclined to tell you things as they get older. Instead, set up clear boundaries. "Mom has to finish this first and then we'll go outside and play. Do you understand?" Kids need to get used to parents not responding to their every demand from an early age.
Don't Touch This!
Tell a small toddler not to touch something and I'll be damned if he doesn't head right for that thing the second your back is turned. Instead, remove the untouchables from the room. Obviously, as the child gets older you want to teach them what they can and can't touch but I suggest the out of sight out of mind technique for 1-year-olds. You'll know when it's okay to leave your glasses on the table or a cup of coffee but until then, hide your stuff or, like me, you'll end up with broken glasses, scratched DVDs and pages torn out of favorite books
Why Did You Do That?
This is where the drunk frat boy on acid analogy comes in again. Neither the frat boy or your toddler knows why they smeared their poop on the wall, it just seemed like a good idea at the time. "Why did you bite that boy? Why did you hit your sister? Why is there spaghetti in your ear? Why am I asking you a question you can’t possibly answer in any way that will make me feel better? Oh yes, because it’s easier than accepting the idea that I am in charge of a tiny lunatic." Try explaining the action (and demonstrate it - as long as it isn't the poop on wall scenario) to the child and talk about why it's not a good idea. "See when you open and close this door you could hurt your finger. OUCH. Let's go play in your room instead." Or "When you touch the poop in your pants it's stinky and yucky and you could get sick." I'm not sure if that one works for drunk frat boys, though, so don't take my word for it.
Wait Until Mom/Dad Gets Home
I know it can be tempting to pass the buck to the other parent, especially after a full day of solo parenting, but postponed discipline keeps your child from really connecting the discipline with the original action. "This familiar parenting cliché is not only another kind of threat, it's also diluted discipline. To be effective, you need to take care of a situation immediately yourself." By the time the other parent gets home your toddler will likely have no clue what all the fuss is about. Besides, as your kids get older you don't want to undermine your own authority or force your partner into the "bad cop" role. Instead, pull yourself up by your boot straps (or bra straps, as the case may be) and deliver the consequence or punishment immediately. You can do it!
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What a great idea! Great to keep in mind when taking your child anywhere this summer. It only takes a second for them to get away in a crowd - better safe then sorry
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Temporary Tattoos
If your little one wanders you may want to take note of this.....
This is a brilliant way to create "If lost, call your number here" temporary tattoos to protect your kiddos at fairs, amusement parks, large malls, etc. All you need is a sharpie and liquid band aid!
Remember to click share! This could save a childs life!
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get the big pack of easy dye from WalMart...just add water, shake, and apply! Put each item in a plastic baggie for 6-8 hours after dyed to let it set, then wash a couple times.
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T charts work well to give a visual for small children
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Wow Anna Michele! I just love this pant extender idea! Super cute and adorable! What do you typically use as the bottom material? Some old sleeves or do you purchase new material?
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the pic is from online but my mom used to do this all he time for me especially when bells came back
you can use whatever you like extra material you have will always save $ which is what its all about!
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20 questions to ask your kids
We only did it once last year, around the time of Avery’s birthday, so I’m happy that I’ve now at least remembered to do it twice in a row. It’s always enlightening, and a bit hilarious what your kids are presented with such randomness.
http://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/tr...ask-your-kids/
Anna: Age seven-and-a-half
Avery: Age five
1. What is your favourite colour?
Anna: Yellow (she’s so over pink)
Avery: Purple
2. What is your favourite toy?
Anna: My new bunny (from our first-ever trip to Build-a-Bear for Avery’s birthday this month. Her name is Vanessa.)
Avery: Barbie and the doll house (This beautiful doll house I bought them after much deliberation sat largely un-played-with for the last two years. Then, our basement flooded, and we had to pull everything out, and now that the dollhouse is dominating our living room, it’s become a favourite thing.)
3. What is your favourite fruit?
Anna: Pineapple
Avery: Watermelon
4. What is your favourite TV show?
Anna: The Mysteries of Alfred Hedgehog
Avery: Lalaloopsy (I didn’t know this was a show? Clearly there is a lot of unsupervised TV time in my house.)
5. What is your favourite thing to eat for lunch?
Anna: Mini hamburgers (This is our new find for a happy packed lunch for Anna, with little packets of ketchup, of course.)
Avery: Grilled cheese (And I thought it would be soggy, but this is Avery’s favourite packed lunch. Who knew?)
6. What is your favourite outfit?
Anna: My sparkly purple dress
Avery: The dress that is brown with pink flowers (Still not over dresses. In fact, Avery and her new friend have vowed to wear dresses to school every single day.)
7. What is your favourite game?
Anna: Headbanz (Avery just got this for her birthday but, apparently, Anna has played this somewhere around a million times and loves it. I recall playing it this summer and laughing so hard I was crying. Although alcohol was involved — no children.)
Avery: Cut the Rope (She just got it for her birthday — a fun new take on Connect 4.)
8. What is your favourite snack?
Anna: Bear Paws
Avery: Cookies! (Me too!)
9. What is your favourite animal?
Anna: Dog (Anna has always wanted a cat, but her uncle’s awesome dog, Cassie, has converted her to a dog lover.)
Avery: Little baby bunnies (Not that she’s ever really seen one…)
10. What is your favourite song?
Anna: “Trouble” by Taylor Swift
Avery: “Red” by Taylor Swift (No surprises here.)
11. What is your favourite book?
Anna: The Magic Tree House series (And I love that she now reads them all by herself, though now I’ll never know what happens in Camelot!)
Avery: Disney Princess Adventure Stories (I bought this for Avery for her birthday to try to validate her princess adoration with some stories that aren’t about the princesses getting married and living happily ever after.)
Read more: Should little girls play with princess stuff? >
12. Who is your favourite friend to play with?
Anna: Dianne (Anna is bummed that D isn’t in her class this year.)
Avery: Anna (Seriously! This totally shocked me. There’s hope for sister harmony yet.)
13. What is your favourite sport?
Anna: Hockey (Though she says she’s absolutely, positively not playing after this season, which she says every year.)
Avery: Running. Running is really easy. (Maybe we’ll run together soon?)
14. What is your favourite thing to do outside?
Anna: Do things with balls (Like bouncing balls!)
Avery: Jump in the bouncy castle (Sean’s sister gave us a small bouncy castle a few years ago that has pretty much been the central entertainment at our house at any gathering. It is one sturdy castle.)
15. What is your favourite drink?
Anna: Five Alive
Avery: Iced Tea (Last year she said water!)
16. What is your favourite holiday?
Anna: Halloween, of course! (Because Anna is obsessed with candy.)
Avery: Christmas
17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night?
Anna: My bunny!
Avery: My kitty! (Also from Build-a-Bear. She invented the name Rien for her)
18. What is your favourite thing to eat for breakfast?
Anna: An everything bagel with cream cheese and jam (eww)
Avery: Smoothies (I’m thrilled that my kids want these every morning now, especially since they don’t like a lot of dairy products.)
19. What do you want for dinner on your birthday?
Anna: Something at East Side Mario’s (Which has become our birthday destination.)
Avery: Pizza (Probably at East Side Mario’s.)
20. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Anna: A teacher and a mom
Avery: A bus driver
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Great post! I agree with it absolutely!
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Excellent post......Anna, I like your ways to find child's like and dislike.
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Try not to say 'don't' too much - say more about what they need to do! Get them to focus on what is wanted rather than what is not wanted.
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My wife is pregnant. In a few months, I will became a father of one child. Your information is very helpful for me in future.
