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Thread: My mom won't help me

  1. #46
    Junior Canuck
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    I am a grandma to a 10 year old an a 7 month old. I run out the door and drive 90 minutes to babysit any chance I get and I work full time and can retire December 1st!!! It is an absolute joy for me to babysit / bond / play with my grandkids. My own parents never looked after my own kids and i refuse to act like that with mine. It is a personal choice but I feel privileged to have had children and blessed to still be around to be in my grandchildren's lives!!

  2. #47
    CaNewbie Qtpi's Avatar
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    No, it's not that she would feel uncomfortable driving, she would have my dad pick her up anyways. I know that it is easier to just have my daughter all day, but I was thinking that I could give her the option of watching her all day or pick her up and watch her an hour.
    But, everyone that says that it's not babysitting, it's favouritism is exactly right. It has nothing to do with the kids, actually I think my kid is easier to watch than his....it's that she bends over backwards for him, but won't budge an inch for me when I need it. I have always and still do more for my parents, if anyone gets to be favoured it should be me. I mean really, she still feeds him anytime he shows up, he's 30 years old and is married with kids....and no we are not Italian, we're Irish. She doesn't make me food, "Help yourself to food in the fridge." She makes him a plate! And serves it up to him!
    AND that anytime I have ever gotten upset about anything that has to do with my mother, both she and my father tell me that I am getting upset about nothing, calm down and relax. "Now, don't go and upset your mother". Nevermind the huge fights my brother starts, no one tells him he's being unreasonable or to relax.
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  3. #48
    Junior Canuck betholio's Avatar
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    I wouldn't push your mom on babysitting your child. Sounds like she's frustrated and tired. I wouldn't want somebody who is frustrated and tired looking after my kids.

    I understand the jealousy. My husband's brother is the 'favourite' brother but the favouritism isn't too overt so we mostly try to ignore it. The preferred brother lives 2.5 hours away and we live in the same town as my in-laws so I benefit more from babysitting help anyway.

    I'm lucky in that both my Mom and MiL make themselves available to babysit buuut I am cautious about how I use them to babysit. I don't think I'd ever leave my kids with them for a 9+ hour day because the women are in their 60s and these two boys can be tiring. I'd rather they babysit for a few hours in the evening and then the kids are in bed and not as much work. My MiL is helpful in taking one of the boys if they're sick and my dh and I can't take a day off from work.

  4. #49
    momof5boys
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    Quote Originally Posted by dagney View Post
    I am a grandma to a 10 year old an a 7 month old. I run out the door and drive 90 minutes to babysit any chance I get and I work full time and can retire December 1st!!! It is an absolute joy for me to babysit / bond / play with my grandkids. My own parents never looked after my own kids and i refuse to act like that with mine. It is a personal choice but I feel privileged to have had children and blessed to still be around to be in my grandchildren's lives!!
    I wish I had the energy you have been blessed with. Not a lot of grandmas have that kind of energy. But, then again, I can't compare myself to others because my energy level was cut in half post brain tumor surgery 11 years ago now. Not complaining - just thankful!

  5. #50
    Super Saver JennyFromTheRock's Avatar
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    My parents live 3000 km away. I don't have them to fall back on, nor do I have a babysitter in this province. I'm just too paronoid to trust anyone with my kids. My husbands mother lives 2000 km away as well and came to visit a few weeks ago for the first time in 3 years. She hadn't even met our younger son ( Chance ) and on her visit she didn't even change a diaper. She stayed for a week at our house, we cooked elaborate meals every day, and she never even rinsed a dish for the dishwasher. She drank our wine ( the good stuff ) ate our food, and when we went out for dinner, didnt even once do the cheque dance ( I'll get it, no let me, no I insist ) and after one meal, where she had drank coctails and ate well with a bill over nearly $200 ( we paid ) she looked at me and said "you did remember to leave a tip didnt you??" ( I did, I knew she wouldnt ).

    One day while cooking a turkey dinner, my husband and I were up to our eyeballs doing last minute things, taking the turkey out, making gravy, mashing potatoes.... Chance pooped, she called us from the kitchen "someone better come take care of this, Chance stinks". I wanted to scream at that woman.

    Another day, Halloween, it was -14 here, and I had to bring cupcakes over to my daughters school that is just a few minutes away, I had to hold the cupcakes as they were monster cupcakes and could easily tip over so I wanted my husband to drive. I didnt want to take the small boys since it was too cold so my husband asked her to watch them for 15 minutes... she replied "make it quick" how much quicker did she want than 15 minutes!?!?!

    So, I guess, the fact that your mother in law was at least willing to babysit for a day is better than some.

    Having said that when my parents visit, they pretty much push us out the door.... they know we never get out alone, and they use that as an opportunity to spend time with the kids. They have even flown my oldest to NL for a month at a time in summer. Its funny how different some parents can be.
    Last edited by JennyFromTheRock; Thu, Nov 22nd, 2012 at 11:56 PM. Reason: Started writing on phone... it sucked, ended on computer lol
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  6. #51
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    That`s frustrating. I believe you need to just make peace with it, accept it and move on. It is not worth it to force the issue.
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  7. #52
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    I agree that forcing the issue is just going to make you more upset. I would just try to find a babysitter that wants to do the job. It may mean paying for babysitting, but sometimes that's what happens when you have kids.
    kidsteph and dariusz8 like this.

  8. #53
    Smart Canuck dariusz8's Avatar
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    My mother isn't involved in any of my kids lives either.... she raised us and did her job as a parent. I am not going to force her to be more involved as its my turn to, she never had the help either as a single parent raising us. Its not easy raising kids... they cost lots of time, money, and energy. Sometimes some lack one of these.
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  9. #54
    CaLoonie dawnapacini's Avatar
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    I understand where youre coming from and it's easy to take things personally. Who knows why anyone does what they do. All I can tell you is my mother and I used to have all sorts of disagreements like this and now that my kids are 5 and 9 and I have one on the way and drive 2 hours to go watch her take her chemo and hope to live another day and she can't help at all I see how much it pains her. All these little things won't matter one day, and I know that doesn't help right now. My advice: spend some time with your mom. Make sure she spends time with not just your child but your whole family. They dedicated their lives to us and made us the great moms we are after all. If you have other options for babysitting use it and take your mom out to brunch or something. Who cares what she does for your brother anyways, be thankful for what you have, not what you don't. I understand the point of this is to blow of steam and you probably already know all of this, but as someone who is now losing their mom at only 30, I just thought I'd throw it out there At the very least take her out to coffee or something and try to get on the same page Best of luck!
    Last edited by dawnapacini; Tue, Nov 27th, 2012 at 09:43 AM.
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  10. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by dawnapacini View Post
    I understand where youre coming from and it's easy to take things personally. Who knows why anyone does what they do. All I can tell you is my mother and I used to have all sorts of disagreements like this and now that my kids are 5 and 9 and I have one on the way and drive 2 hours to go watch her take her chemo and hope to live another day and she can't help at all I see how much it pains her. All these little things won't matter one day, and I know that doesn't help right now. My advice: spend some time with your mom. Make sure she spends time with not just your child but your whole family. They dedicated their lives to us and made us the great moms we are after all. If you have other options for babysitting use it and take your mom out to brunch or something. Who cares what she does for your brother anyways, be thankful for what you have, not what you don't. I understand the point of this is to blow of steam and you probably already know all of this, but as someone who is now losing their mom at only 30, I just thought I'd throw it out there At the very least take her out to coffee or something and try to get on the same page Best of luck!
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