Christmas

[sarah_cio]

I DELETED MY POST BECAUSE PEOPLE ON HERE WERE UNNECESSARILY ATTACKING ME. There are clear rules about attacking people on this site.

[saskatoonlady2004]

I think the response you should have is thank you to MIL. She showed up, presented presents, remembered your family. We try to teach the kids respect and she did what all families wish for. She remembered everyone. So say thank you and I hoped you enjoyed the rest of the day.

[K8's Fate]

As the saying goes, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

It may not be a personalized gift, but it's still a gift. I also had a couple of gifts that got stuck in customs over the holidays. Not much I could do either. I think it's wonderful that she took the time out of her Christmas plans to visit. Happy holidays.

[DianneS]

Sounds like you and your DH need to sit down in early December and figure out 'who will be where' over the Christmas season. If he is making arrangements with his mother, you should be part of them. If there were no arrangements, just a drop-in, then one of you could make a phone call to see what her schedule is and to offer an invitation that works for everyone. As far as size or type of gift goes, I have to say from my own experience that not all MILs even give a Christmas gift to their daughters-in-law. I have also experienced my step-MIL giving large gifts to her (n on-step) grandchildren in the same room/at the same time as she gave very small gifts to mine. I never drew attention to the value of the gift but instead, taught them to be grateful for what she had chosen for them. Did it bother me? Yes....but we owe it to our children to cultivate the best possible relationships with their families, even if it's hard sometimes.

[weasy71]

i agree. Don't get too hung up on the gift. She remembered you all and that what counts. It kinda sounds like you are more miffed that they made arrangements without consulting you. I would tell DH how it made you feel to not be included in those decision, so that next year you can have more imput and come up with an arrangement you can all be happy with!

[Minou]

Personally, I appreciate it when someone does something nice for my two children. It's nice that she had gifts/clothes coming and put money into something for them. Honestly, many gifts I've received have been total turkeys, so I've learned not to expect much! I'd really prefer that people would forget about buying gifts for me and just do something for the kids. I do love giving gifts, though!


Quoted from sarah_cio in another thread:"I give photos to my sister and brother of my kids but only wallets. I also make calendars every year and give them out to family. They seem to like it. I would appreciate it if was my niece. We give grandparents photos of the kids as gifts. As well we made pottery ornaments for the Christmas tree. Really, what do grandparents need? They have more money then us (with $1300/month in day care costs), which equals disposable income plus, as my husband says they have way too much stuff after collecting things for several years."

Have you been buying the grandparents a gift in addition to the photo/pottery ornaments? If not, maybe they're deciding that you want to focus on the kids and not on gifts for the adults? My children's grandparents/great-grandparents would be cheesed not to receive a real gift from us... they all happen to love getting gifts.

[sarah_cio]

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Personally, I appreciate it when someone does something nice for my two children. It's nice that she had gifts/clothes coming and put money into something for them. Honestly, many gifts I've received have been total turkeys, so I've learned not to expect much! I'd really prefer that people would forget about buying gifts for me and just do something for the kids. I do love giving gifts, though!


Quoted from sarah_cio in another thread:"I give photos to my sister and brother of my kids but only wallets. I also make calendars every year and give them out to family. They seem to like it. I would appreciate it if was my niece. We give grandparents photos of the kids as gifts. As well we made pottery ornaments for the Christmas tree. Really, what do grandparents need? They have more money then us (with $1300/month in day care costs), which equals disposable income plus, as my husband says they have way too much stuff after collecting things for several years."

Have you been buying the grandparents a gift in addition to the photo/pottery ornaments? If not, maybe they're deciding that you want to focus on the kids and not on gifts for the adults? My children's grandparents/great-grandparents would be cheesed not to receive a real gift from us... they all happen to love getting gifts.

[sarah_cio]

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[DianneS]

Just a thought when I read your last post. Have you considered skipping the new picture frame each year? The previous year's photo can go into an album and the current one can go into the frame. That's how we always did it in my family....might not work for yours but it may be an idea. I know that the cost of gifts add up very quickly and it can be tough to keep things under control. Now that our 'kids' are 20 and 24 the wish lists are for more expensive items...so it never really ends! My mother has always bought for the grandchildren (and for my single siblings) but not for those of us who are married with children. We have an adult draw and her name goes in along with everyone else's. I have four siblings and we are all in different 'financial' positions. This makes it easier for everyone and no one is put in an awkward position. (We still buy my mom something from our family but it is not a large gift.) No one should have to go into debt or feel badly about the size of the gift they are giving at Christmas time.

[linaka54]

As a grandparent and a MIL ( though not yours), I love receiving the pictures, but would rather choose my own frames to go with my personal taste and decor.( besides I am kind of running out of wall space and think I am going to do what someone else here suggested and put older pictures in an album and put the new ones in the old frames) You say your FIL has remarried, has your MIL as well? Instead of frames why not give her something a little personal like a gift card to get coffee on her way to work or even a box of chocolates? I do see your point of having to get something for two sets of in laws however she is buying for 4 of you herself? I buy for 6 and give a little something to my son and DIL but focus more on the kids these days as their numbers increase and I am on a fixed income.

[neelkamalll1979]

IMHO I believe Christmas should be focused on the children.

[macw1960]

IMHO I believe Christmas should be focused on the children.

I agree 100 %.

[MillieH]

Have you considered picking up a few extra deals as you shop with your coupons and making gift baskets for the people you love at Christmas time.. A whole year gives you time to get coupons for items a bit personal for them.. I did a gift basket for one neighbour & her hubby that included 2 x cheechas because she needs gluten free wet cat food PC Ice cream male & female shaving creams and razors.. toothbrushes & paste..shampoo, conditioner, deordant, hair spray, lysol no touch..Europes best fruit & veggies, bbq sauce, 2 x Cineplex movie passes, carnation milk, cleaning supplies.. Tetley tea, crackers, zantac, advil cold & sinus.. my total cost including the wrapping and container was under $5.. .. I did 10 baskets in all.. each one a bit different as each family had different needs.

[sarah_cio]

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[walkinglady]

In my years of gift givings and gift receivings, I have found that a normal house gets cluttered with so many items you do not like or want anymore. Right now I really appreciate a "consumable" gift such as chocolates, bottle of wine, starbucks gift card, movie ticket, etc. Do not worry, I never forget a nice gesture or gift from anyone so it does not have to stay in my house forever as a memento. In my opinion, your MIL is a nice lady who wanted to show her love for her son's family and she did that with great success. I would agree with you that your husband should have consulted with you about the timing of his mother's visit. Well, from my experiences, men are not so strong in the "etiquette" department. Try to educate him for the future but let's face it we are not perfect either. Better to look at the big picture and be happy with what we have.