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The parent of a child under 18 (or whatever the legal age is in that specific city/state) is 100% responsible for their actions UNLESS someone else agrees to be responsible for X amount of time. I learn this watch Judge Judy. Take them to her court room, you will win :)
And learn from this that your children should be better mannered and respectful.
You are not a bad aunt at all!
It was good that you asked them to leave. I can't imagine how much more damage they could have caused if they stayed any longer.
OMG....I would be Livid...and I would have not held my tongue to the parents about their kids behavior, Kudo's to you for asking them to leave. You are not a bad aunt...I might be a bad sister in law by the time I was done with them LOL. Asking them to pay for damages is more than OK IMO..if the kids had broke a toy in the store the store would have asked them to pay for it...you break it..you pay.
Personally, and I know some people will disagree with me on this, I would explain to them when a holiday rolled around that we couldn't afford to buy birthday/holiday gifts until I managed to pay for the repairs myself, and no we won't mind if you choose not to get our family anything either. The pleasure of your company is enough.
Mind you, I only have two nephews and they're my sisters kids, so she would offer to repair or replace everything that was damaged because she's like me but If my hubbys bro and wife had kids, Im willing to bet we would end up in a similar situation as yours, simply because they are oblivious to social graces and manners sometimes.
I'm not the type of person to take somebody's bs to avoid conflict, however I try to be very direct, honest, polite and fair, but my friends and family definitely know I just won't put up with stupid stuff. If I offend somebody by being that way, that's their problem not mine. If it was something trivial, I'd just let it go, however I have student loans too, and $300 or more to fix the damage, would be a lot out of our budget for something that wasn't an emergency...
I'm so glad your husband supported you on this.
Shocked about those parents, I have 4 kids Little ones are now 5, but still I prefer to leave them at home if possible and when they are with me always have a big bag (extra clothes, toys, colouring books / puzzles) and lot of instructions from a puzzled mom, now have a little relief, but till twins are preschooler, always have eye on them and rarely have chance to sit on sofa, most of time worrying about them where are they and what are they doing. My friends always laughed that my twins are the secret of my smartness, LOL
You are a good aunt with a great husband :)
Those kids ARE a reflection of their parents. Shame on them for there poor parenting skills!! You had every right to ask them to leave.
No. No you are not a bad aunt.
:shock:
I felt the need to quickly chime in here. I'm a parent of 4 kids - 1/2/7/9 year old, so, it's usually quite busy wherever we go. Occasionally we will go to someone's house who does not have kids - and like other have said, my kids (even the 1/2 yr old) generally know what is acceptable/not acceptable. All I'll usually ask of the parents is clear "small trinkets" off areas they can reach (or other valuables) - but i would NEVER let my kids up the stairs to bedrooms, pull on blinds, etc. They already know better than that - that wouldn't even be allowed in there own home.
So conclusion - these kids need better parenting.
Andrew.
You are a wonderful aunt (bought toys and cleared away thing before the kids visited) I am sure you will make an awesome mother. These "guests" are RUDE, IRRESPONSIBLE, DISRESPECTFUL and lack any manners and certainly are not doing any favours by allowing their children to behave this way. (Watch and see which kids have problems in there teen years, sit back and laugh at those parents, you can throw back the kids will be kids line at them) You did right to ask them to leave and I probably would not have been so Tactful had they done this much damage to my place. They would NEVER get an invite back.
I grew up there kids were seen and not heard, and if you even thought of doing something wrong boy were you in trouble when you got home. I never expected my kids to be seen and not heard because well it is a bit much to expect children to just sit quiet and do nothing. My kids were always sitting beside me at the table or on the floor by my feet playing quietly with toys we brought from home. When they were younger we had a bag with a few special toys that were only for when we were visiting friends (that way the toys were never overplayed with and they weren't bored with them.) We always had a couple of colouring books and crayons and non messy snacks. Even with non messy snacks we always asked where it would be okay for them to eat them.
If my kids ever broke or destroyed anything, even by complete accident (tripped or knocked over a glass) I would offer to pay and embarrassed that they did so, I certainly would not be laughing it off.
Honestly, these would not be ladies I would be trusting my kids with at ANY time.
Hope they step and pay for any damages but I would avoid ANY visits at your house from now on. Maybe next time there is another get together, walk in and hand all the kids sticky candy or chocolate and some big crayons to colour on the walls with. :)
What a sad representation of parenting. I cannot believe you are doubting yourself here OP? No way is any of this on your shoulders, for goodness sakes, you even thought ahead and bought some Dollar Store things. I am saddened that some parents seem to have a vindictive, envious streak when it comes to couples without kids, it is almost like they are purposely punishing you because you have your " freedom " still.
I wish you and DH the best of luck with getting pregnant, as for the damage, I did kind of like the suggestion of forgoing Xmas gifts to those responsible till you have your things repaired, cleaned or replaced. They will get the hint loud and clear that you were not impressed with that visit.
As a hostess, you are expected to offer refreshments and snacks in a clean comfortable home. I think that is all. I would probably not ask them to pay for the damages to keep the peace, but make it clear they cannot come again unless they apologize and make changes.
I am an Aunt to 5 kids but see the 2 girls ages 8 and 11 most often because we live an hour from each other. My husband and I have no children and I never put delicates away when they come. I make sure the house is the same as when my mother-in-law comes. Spotlessly clean with nothing scandalous out (no smoking items, or adult video games, things like that) I have drinks and treats to provide that they like and that is all. I offer the tv to the kids to watch or pull out a boardgame or two for them to play. But if I didn't have those things, tough luck. They're there to visit me, not be entertained by other things, toys, whatever.
I know it's hard not to feel bad. I would do that myself if I told them all to leave suddenly. But there's a reason you told them all to get out. You would do the same if your friends were over partying and drinking and got out of control wouldn't you? I would. I'm not letting anyone destroy my house when I've worked hard to have the few things I have.
Good luck with your family. I know when my hubby and I lived with a couple and they had a new baby, even they didn't let the baby wreck our things, and we lived in the same home. They felt guilty if I held the baby and the little guy spit up on me which is silly of course. But they made sure when he was crawling, if he got near our books or things, they were on top of it. I can't imagine how your family can't feel guilty, they should.
your not a bad aunt... and wouldn't go as far as saying they are bad kids.. they are kids acting out.. it's the parents that are not on high alert.. for me i'm more relaxed in my own home with my child then anyone else's home because i have to watch my kid to make sure she is on her best behavior and correct any bad behavior before it starts
the parents should have been watching to prevent anything from happening.. and instead of saying "oh i love their little hands" they should have been "here let me clean that up" even just keeping a coffee near a new baby is a bad idea to me it almost sounds like they were asking for trouble (if a baby could knock a coffee over onto the floor they could have easily knocked the coffee onto themselves..)
[scarasm]...bet your friend felt really punished by that action[/scarasm]Quote:
Originally Posted by Shwa Girl