How do you deal with this kind of BOSS

OMG.:mad: how do you deal with a boss who gets personal and defensive when you mention that you have got an interview for a position above your current one and outside of the company and those people who interviewed you want your boss's reference? OMG, I had this happended to me :evil:and it was just frustrating, and I feel so frustrated because I feel that I can't grow and I am stuck. At the same time I feel angry that she is controlling me :mad:??? She would not help me grow!!!:mad: What do I do? If my boss is not happy she wouldn't give me a good reference or no reference at all, and the interviewing company will get suspicious...OMG:mad: I need the reference...Want to scream.....

My boss says thing like, Oh, are you leaving us? Well, yes, because I want to grow, not that I don't like the company, but she doesn't get it...... and she says things like, if I ever knew that you wanted to leave, I would not have hired you..OMG..... Awrr.... so frustrated.....honestly, if I ever knew that she would give me this kind of reaction when I ask for reference....I would not have accepted the job in the first place... I am STUCK....please help! how do you deal with this kind of boss?

If you are have done a good job with that company I don't think she can give you a bad reference. Most companies avoid that, even when they should give a bad reference, because of the potential for litigation.

It sounds like your boss wanted someone who wants the job she is offering as a long term placement. I understand why she may feel frustrated , depending on how long you have been employed there but it doesn't seem professional for her to say it.

My guess is your best shot is to continue to perform well at work, be pleasant and most likely you will get a reference based on your performance. If you find yourself in a similar situation in future, its best to tell a prospective employer that you don't wish them to contact your present employer unless you have been short listed. Provide references from other sources. The ideal situation is if a current employer doesn't know you are considering leaving until you are ready to give your notice.

Good luck on getting the new job you are applying for.

It's dangerous to tell your boss that you are leaving before you do. They spend a lot of time training you and then if you leave, they think that time is wasted. Ask a coworker or a boss from a previous job instead

I agree with the previous posters. Never let your current employer know you are looking for another job! Not until you have been offered a job at another company. Tell potential employer not to contact your boss as a reference until you have been offered the job. Provide other reference for them to check that won't jeopardize your current position. If your current employer knows you are looking for another job, they will already consider you gone and overlook you if anything better comes up because they don't think you will stay.

Good luck in your job search.

I can understand your frustration. If you've been there more than 3 years, then I think you have given her back her investment in your training.

Give her as a reference anyway! She will give you a good reference I am sure. It's great to know, they must really like you where you are! Good for you!

Never give your current employer as a reference or talk about moving on..
It is such a pain when a employee leaves, having to post the job,interview, hire,retrain....ugggg

you are begging for sabotage .

It's great that you are considered valuable where you are working now and that your current boss is upset that you would be thinking of leaving. I understand where your boss is coming from. It's is very difficult to find, interview, train and trust that your new employee will preform to the standards you expect of them. Once all this is in place, it almost comes as a "shock" to your employer that you are considering leaving. I would expect now that your boss knows this that it may not be a pleasant place to work anymore as your boss is probably feeling betrayed right now. Probably would have been best for you to let your prospective new boss know that you do not wish your present place of employment to be aware of your search for new employment as it might cause some issues. At this point I would probably ask a co-worker or two for references and also ask a supervisor or boss from your past for references. If you bring other options to the table, hopefully you will get hired. I always include references with resumes instead of waiting for interviewers to ask for them.

If you have to provide your current boss, also provide a previous employer. Also, let the interviewer know that your current employer might not give you a good reference and ask her to contact previous employers to ensure you get a good reference. Or, you can ask your current boss to give you in writing what reference she would give you.

I disagree with the ones above who told you that you should never tell your boss you are thinking of leaving. Your current boss can be of great help if they are on your side. My current boss has talks with me to see what I want to do in the future and how I can get there. He even told me not to stick in my current role for too long. Everyone is different. You just have to be able to judge which kind of boss you have.

If your current boss is a jerkface, then don't tell him you're leaving. You can ask another manager at the company for a reference or a fellow senior collegea (senior as in experience and position, not necessarily age).

Your situation sucks and it's unfortunate that you are working under such a person.

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Originally Posted by MillieH

If you are have done a good job with that company I don't think she can give you a bad reference. Most companies avoid that, even when they should give a bad reference, because of the potential for litigation.

It sounds like your boss wanted someone who wants the job she is offering as a long term placement. I understand why she may feel frustrated , depending on how long you have been employed there but it doesn't seem professional for her to say it.

My guess is your best shot is to continue to perform well at work, be pleasant and most likely you will get a reference based on your performance. If you find yourself in a similar situation in future, its best to tell a prospective employer that you don't wish them to contact your present employer unless you have been short listed. Provide references from other sources. The ideal situation is if a current employer doesn't know you are considering leaving until you are ready to give your notice.

Good luck on getting the new job you are applying for.

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Yes , my company only confirms employment.

They don't give references ( either good or bad )..for legal reasons.

So if some other potential employer calls they will just say so and so worked here from so and so time and on so and so position :)..they won't disclose any other personal details like salary, behaviour etc.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tjthemanto

Yes , my company only confirms employment.

They don't give references ( either good or bad )..for legal reasons.

So if some other potential employer calls they will just say so and so worked here from so and so time and on so and so position :)..they won't disclose any other personal details like salary, behaviour etc.

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That's also how most larger companies I worked for also operated

Maybe give her as a reference but explain the situation to the potential employer as well..... Just in case :)