Fiancées best friend living with us

[Ami1984]

So about early March my Fiancées best friend asked if he could stay with us for awhile, and of course given the situation we both said it was ok (he is going through a bad separation), after about 2 weeks he asked if he could bring his puppy that was about 3 months old with him to stay as well, he promised us she was house trained and stuff, So of course we are huge animal lovers we have 3 dogs of our own and would not want him to have to be away from his puppy.
Well I am sure most of you bye now have figured out his puppy is not trained With anything, She is not a stupid dog but she cant figure anything out because he barely spends any time with her and when he does he `trains`her differently then we do so she is majorly confused.
I am a huge clean freak so it is frustrating the hec out of me having to clean up after a dog that is not even mine and that is just going to break my heart in the long run.
He never gives my fiancée money on a regular basis and we provide him with room and board, and what really gets me angry is knowing he is out having a good time on a date while we sit here taking care of his dog, Am I being unreasonable?

PS Any advice would be appreciated, I try to talk to my fiancee but it is his best friend since high school so I don't know what to do

[Darth Penguin]

NO you are not being unreasonable...

You are being a saint you really need to talk in grown up, adult terms to your beloved..


You need to point out it is your house..not a Frat house..His friend needs to get a permeanent lodging sorted out and soon..

Hopefully it maybe that your beloved is thinking you don't mind and is putting his feelings aside even though his friend is annoying him too.

Take your beloved out of the house and away from his bud.. Talk to hi directly..Use "I feel" "I think" and get him on board to remove your guest but don't try to alienate him from his friend. This is one situation he needs to put you and your family first before all other calls on his time and hospitality.

Sadly..if he really really wants his bud there and ignores your wishes, then you may need a more serious "me or him" talk..and then you both need to re-adjust your relationship..

I love e-hell for this kind of thing..the chaps and chappesses there have a lot of good advice.

[tjthemanto]

You need to watch " You Me and Dupree " in front of him..he he he.

He will get the message

[MillieH]

If he has money and time to spend on dating and puppy.. he should be able to move on.. your hubby may settle in a rut and like him there.. maybe with hold any err you know.. while you have company :o) and set a time line for him to go..

[vesper]

I'd communicate how you feel to your SO, but treat this with great sensitivity. What I would focus on, is not the details of what you don't like about him living there, rather focus on a firm end date, when he must be gone by.

It is likely that him and his best friend will be friends for life, so it might be worth a little patience this one time, but make sure there is a time limit.

That's my advice! <<--- I never lived with a roommate nor a woman, so what do I know! Yahoo!!

[i_forget]

I would treat the best friend like any other member of the household and each time he does not live up to his responsibilities, tell him.
For people to cohabitate peacefully you have to have clear expectations and everyone needs to hold up their end.
Telling your SO everytime you have a problem with his friends behaviour is just going to put him in the middle and cause a strain on your relationship with him and his relationship with his friend.

So, next time his dog makes a mess on the floor make him clean it up. Set out house rules and tell him you want X number of dollars every week to pay towards his share.

Open, up front, honest.

[marstec]

The two of you were very kind and generous to offer your home to the friend when he was going through a rough time. Now, he is just taking advantage. I would talk to him about his plans to find his own place in the near future. If someone was doing me the same favour, you bet I would be contributing all I could so that I didn't overstay my welcome. Even if he was the life of the party, and fun to have around, he's still using your resources (at no cost to him), and you are spending your precious time to clean up his messes.

[DianneS]

I would venture a guess that he has not gone out and found a place because he has no need to do so. His pet is looked after, he has food on the table, a place to sleep, a clean house, and good friends for company. It would probably better for him as well as for you and your SO if he were to start making definite plans to move out. I can appreciate that it is an extremely difficult time for him but he would likely benefit from moving forward and starting to re-build his life. I think you should have an honest and compassionate discussion with your financee. Work together to set a definite move date, offer to help his friend find a place, move in, etc., and re-iterate that you are there in your friendship and moral support. If you and your SO are going to build a life together, you need to be able to discuss situations like this.....there will be more difficult discussions in the years go come....

[Ami1984]

Thank you everyone for the advice, I am going to sit down with my DF and lay everything out there, I really don't want this situation to get between us so communication is the best thing right now (and maybe for room-mate to go :p)

[cheapNcheeky]

OMG I'm in the same position....except it's my boyfriend's brother. He's been with us since November and won't leave! He only gives us $300 a month and he's been working since January. So yes he was in my home for 2 months....just sitting on his ass (not offering to make dinner or help out by doing extra chores). And what killed me was that I would go to work all day, grocery shop, cook dinner AND he would complain about being bored all day. COOK DINNER!!!!

If I was free-loading off someone I would at least have the decency to have dinner on the table when they got home from work. SHEESH

[lessthannat]

Good luck
Maybe his friend is not aware of what exactly is expected of him, so naturally it is always good to almost spell it out for people so that there is no confusion about what this individual needs to do while he is staying at YOUR house

[matrix82]

Accidentally leave this web discussion open in front of the best friend :D

[Ami1984]

OMG I'm in the same position....except it's my boyfriend's brother. He's been with us since November and won't leave! He only gives us $300 a month and he's been working since January. So yes he was in my home for 2 months....just sitting on his ass (not offering to make dinner or help out by doing extra chores). And what killed me was that I would go to work all day, grocery shop, cook dinner AND he would complain about being bored all day. COOK DINNER!!!!

If I was free-loading off someone I would at least have the decency to have dinner on the table when they got home from work. SHEESH

If my fianees friend offered to make dinner I think I would fall over lol, the thing the erks me with the dinner thing in my case is I make sure to cook enough for him for dinner then for lunch the next day, and he rarely shows up for dinner GRRR, as I was typing this I realized how stupid it is that I still haven't learned

[Ami1984]

Accidentally leave this web discussion open in front of the best friend :D

That would be awesome but I would feel terrible, I got mad at him the other night for not picking me up and forgetting about me and he started to cry

[beckie.c]

Awe, I hope things get better, bad roommates suck! Especially freeloader guests who you are trying to help out! I have my younger brother living with us rent free for the summer and while its annoying that his bedroom happens to be a futon in the middle of my living room, he still does his piece taking out trash, fixing things, weeding my dying flowers :p etc.

As for puppy, if he's not going to take the responsibility now, my vote is she stays with you after he moves out.
Hope it all works out! And good on you for being generous in the first place.