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Sun, Jul 21st, 2013, 09:59 PM #31
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Sometimes, the people giving a party/wedding/shower/other occasion requiring YOUR money in some form of gift do not think in terms of keeping friends. The hosts think in terms of getting "paid back" financially or socially, especially if the same hosts lived like they were keeping up with the Joneses in terms of visiting, giving gifts for whatever milestone/birthday/event there were for others.
Social lists/phone directories suffer some losses when gifts trump friendships during wedding season.2021-Bring on the sunshine, sweets & online shopping.
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Sun, Jul 21st, 2013, 10:00 PM #32
Has anyone seen the tv shows such as "Say Yes to the Dress" etc. where the bride gets one wedding dress for the ceremony and another wedding dress for the reception????? I realize life was tough way back when people had little but it seems we've headed way past reasonable to absolutely obscene. Crazy....
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Sun, Jul 21st, 2013, 10:11 PM #33
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Sun, Jul 21st, 2013, 11:47 PM #34
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Seriously..I got married in a small civic ceremony in a local govt office down a dingy back alley and the brides before and after me had the full Diana-merginue with train and veil..looked good and probably made for nice photos ..somewhere else.
At the time my local church was a golden Cotswold stone late Medeaval church with lych-gate and lovely grave-yard which held several weddings each Saturday during the summer..cos it " was pretty". Those funds from non-local worshippers kept the church viable. Some of the congregation hated the fact the soon to be wedded couple just had to attend the weeks that the banns were being read to marry there but .....
Short answer : no Long answer : NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Welcome to the Penguinocracy..One Penguin, One vote..I am The Penguin..I have the One Vote
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 01:46 AM #35
If some lady ever loses her mind and chooses to marry me.....
I"M ELOPING!
Weddings are getting ridiculous!
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 01:58 AM #36
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 02:23 AM #37
A true friend will want you to attend the wedding no matter how large or small your gift is. When I was married, I had a friend who was going to school at the time and could barely make ends meet. Her sister's wedding was a few weeks before mine and when I opened my friend's gift it was obvious it had been re-gifted from the prior event. (She accidentally left the card inside.) I quickly tucked the card away and have never told anyone about it until today. Never even mentioned it to my husband. The gift was a small serving dish and I use it to this day. She came to celebrate with us, gave what she was able to give and that is all that matters. At every wedding there will be gifts of all sizes. Gracious people don't 'keep track'....
So many coupons....so little time!
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 02:33 AM #38
Jeebs, some people! I can't even fathom expecting a $200 gift per person. What if the 'second plate' is just a +1 and doesn't really know the couple? YIKES.
You give what you can as a gift. No more. You wouldn't give your friend $100 if you went to her house for a dinner party, would you? People get weird with weddings, the expectations are ridiculous.
This is why when I get married I'm going next-to-nothing and extremely small-time. Maybe potluck, people can bring or help us make our favorite foods they make (my aunt makes great spinach dip, he loves his mom's tinfoil meat-and-potatoes) as a token gift. There will be less than 30 people there, for sure. If you want to give a gift of some sort, cool! But a wedding is supposed to be spending time together with family and having fun. Not cash-grabbing.
I don't think it's rude to say that you would rather have money as a gift instead of an actual present IF you do it TACTFULLY, because a lot of people already have a blender or keurig or vaccuum or whatever. They don't need more, they're fairly well established in terms of stuff and money would go to a great honeymoon or a home or whatever, rather than having a closet full of excess stuff they already have. Just depends completely on how you say it, there are polite ways and then there are dictator ways.
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 06:16 AM #39
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I remember reading somewhere that one couple only wanted Home Depot gift cards for shower and wedding gifts- in any amount one could afford. They used all the gift cards to pay for a home renovation after the wedding. I thought that was a neat idea because all the guests were contributing what they could afford to one big gift.
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 07:05 AM #40
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 07:33 AM #41
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wow... maybe i'm naive or something but I'm totally shocked that some people expect you to give them a gift if your not attending a wedding... waaah?
I've only been to 3 weddings.
One was my sisters when I was 13 lol
for the other two we just gave money in an envelope.
I'm just so shocked that people are so expectant LOL
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 08:31 AM #42
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I'm sure they would have been ok with it (well, the optimist in me likes to think so!) Since the guests knew they were renovating, there is a good chance that a basket of crisp, white towels, etc. would be great if they were renovating a bathroom, or a spaghetti dinner (oils, pasta, napkins, stinky cheese) in a basket for a kitchen reno. I know I'd think it was great! But either way, I think most people feel as though just having loved ones witness the moment/share the day is all they can ask for (and all one should expect!)
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 08:41 AM #43
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I just got back from a wedding of a good friend two weekends ago, and it was a HUGE expense to us. "hotel" for two nights (it was a very nice university residence that was turned into hotel rooms during the summer) at $100/night, gas to get there ($60), gift ($125 cheque), food and miscellaneous ($75). Thankfully we both had nice clothes in the closet (I had a few never worn dresses in my closet for the rehearsal dinner, wedding, bachelorette that I got at steals in the past and hadn't gotten around to wearing). It was close to $500, which is actually quite reasonable considering it was not in our home town, so travel was required. I didn't make it to the bridal shower because I don't live there any more, but the bachelorettes seem to now have turned into another huge expense as well. I spent another $150 or so there, and I wasn't in the wedding party.
I think people have to learn to accept and be gracious about whatever is given to them. Generally, money is the "easier" gift because couples generally have already set up house... I know I don't need linens and dishes. But if someone wants to the route of a material gift because they want something as a token to remember the gift-giver by, then thank them happily and appreciate the generosity.
One thing I never understood was that rule of thumb about the plate cost. There is no way I am going to scale my gift with the insane prices of a plate... plus, you wouldn't get $200/plate in Halifax anyway. $75-$100 MAX, at the nicest place there. Mostly more in the $35 - $60 range. I think it's such a silly rule, I don't even know how to articulate it when someone mentions that as the guide. It just makes me cringe.
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 09:15 AM #44
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Not everyone follows or expects the philosophy of giving the amount of your plate at a wedding. I think that's a general rule of thumb for people who have lots of money and no clue what to do with it. It's like the two month salary rule for engagement rings. Someone in the industry made that up and gave people an excuse to spend more. You'll find out when you have your own! The only real rule is "give what you can" and if you don't like the couple or don't feel you know them well enough, don't go. It's nice to be invited to weddings, because the couple values your love and support. At least, that's why the people we invited got an envelope in the mail. We had everyone from students (shoe-string budget!), the unemployed, families, and long time friends attend. Obviously, even if those people felt the exact same way about us, there's no way they would all have the means to give the same amount. Hopefully, the couple would understand that?
Some people at ours gave nothing, others gave a bit extra than the cost of the plate, some just showed up for the church ceremony, and some only came to the dinner. Some people reserved a seat and never showed up, some people reserved more spaces than we planned, and some people invited themselves. We really didn't think it was rude or thought much of it at the time, we were only happy there were enough seats for those that did show up and we hope everyone had a good time. Each person was there to celebrate with us, and besides writing out thank-you cards, I'm not sure there's any reason to keep track of what was gifted.
But, I guess some like to keep track. Look at it this way, at least they're off the market and you can't marry him/her. Ha ha!
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Mon, Jul 22nd, 2013, 09:29 AM #45
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I think people worry too much about what other people will think..do your best, if you can't attend I would send a small gift, maybe 6 beautiful wine glasses, on sale..the bay always have huge sales, with a nice card. People will always talk, as long as you know you did your best!! What ever happened to, "it's the thought that counts"!!!
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