I can't afford to even be invited to a wedding....

[saveadollardiva]

So I'm welcome at your wedding celebration only if I bring a gift, otherwise I should stay home? Ouch. I invited people to ours to celebrate our marriage with us.

Honestly, and I don't mean to be mean, but I would not want you at my wedding. If I have to pay $150-200.00 a person, and you don't even give a small gift, to me your rude, and taking advantage of the bride and groom having a free night out. I am not going to waste my hard earn money on people who would not bring anything in return. Your there to help the bride and groom. That means giving something! It's a wedding not a BBQ! Sorry, just my view.

[bargain_hunter_lola]

I always try to show basic etiquette, which to me means to always bring a gift (even if its small - perhaps just a nice note) but I have learned though that everyone has different levels and ideas of etiquette.

I used to be annoyed at DH's family - they attend all sorts of events and never bring a gift or even a card (birthdays, weddings, etc) BUT I came to realize that is just who they are. They are family and important so just their presence is enough. I wouldn't want DH to lose touch with his siblings over material items! They are good and nice people that just don't think of gifts.

[tjthemanto]

I understand your view Natalka, and it isn't something my family or area does. I am european and alot of european cultures agree with what I think. Yes, you should not expect anyone to give you anything when they go to a wedding. BUT, it is RUDE, not to at least pay your plate, close to it, or to give a gift. I think some people think a wedding is suppose to be a "FREE" event. Because people feel "Oh having me there should be enough." It is, but, come on, we all know the bride and groom paid for it and not to give something is like using the bride and groom's wedding as a FREE night out. You still need to be reasonable. I already said in my post before that we were not expecting anything, but, people in our family did pay their plates and gave us a little more. It's called RESPECT You don't go to an event expecting not to give something in return. You go to someone's house for the first time, and everyone knows you should bring something, like a bottle of wine or a gift basket. It's not because you have to, it is because the person is hosting you at their house and it is out of RESPECT that you bring something along with you.

Everyone has their own view on it, but, Everyone is saying "OH they are using their guests for money" well, your using the bride and groom to eat, drink, dance, party for free or for half the price if you don't at least pay your plate or give a gift. It goes the same way.

It's like going to a restaurant and not paying your bill. Your going to tell the restaurant owner "Oh me being here should be enough for you, so I don't think I should pay the full amount" You wouldn't do that so why would you do that at a loved ones wedding?

My view is, if you can not afford to go, DONT! It's rude not to give something in return.

The restauarant doesn't invite you , you go there on your own .

Plus no one forces a menu or a 100 dollar plate on you at the restaurant , you can order what you want and whatever fits your budget..it could be 20 bucks ..40 bucks or whatever.

My view is if you can't afford to have a wedding then DON'T have an extravagant wedding you can't afford ..don't expect the guests to pay for it..have a wedding that fits your budget and don't go overboard with it.

I agree its rude to not give Something in return , but that something is what you can afford and not whatever the couple paid per plate. To expect that i.e price per plate is ridiculous.

If all couples knew beforehand that the guests have to and must pay the cost of their plate , do you think they will go for a cheaper plate ? NO ! They will go for the most expensive plate as they are not paying for it , are they ?..the guest's are !

If you can afford to give only 50 bucks as a gift then just give that ..irrespective of whether the couple paid 100 bucks or 40 bucks per plate.

[MillieH]

I think its ok to expect your guests to pay for their dinner AND give money to help you start your life because its all about you...However, if that is what you expect you should state that clearly on the invitation. Just say please don't come if you don't plan to give a nice gift and or at the least pay $200 for your plate. That way only people who can afford and want to give that much will come and you dont be disappointed and hold grudges.

When my sister got married in Nova Scotia, I was matron of honor.. I had to pay for my flight in, rent a car, buy a dress and take time off work.. I did it happily I was honored I could be there.. I knew they were planning to honeymoon in Florida so I bought $200 USD to give as a gift.. However the day I got there she told me that they wanted money instead of gifts as they had all the things they needed. It felt wrong to me to ask for money so I gave her $75 and kept the rest for myself..

I would be horrified if one of my kids had a wedding and expected people to spend lots of $$ and I wouldnt attend a wedding where I knew people expected me to give them large amounts of money.

Honestly, and I don't mean to be mean, but I would not want you at my wedding. If I have to pay $150-200.00 a person, and you don't even give a small gift, to me your rude, and taking advantage of the bride and groom having a free night out. I am not going to waste my hard earn money on people who would not bring anything in return. Your there to help the bride and groom. That means giving something! It's a wedding not a BBQ! Sorry, just my view.

[xox2010]

Honestly, and I don't mean to be mean, but I would not want you at my wedding. If I have to pay $150-200.00 a person, and you don't even give a small gift, to me your rude, and taking advantage of the bride and groom having a free night out. I am not going to waste my hard earn money on people who would not bring anything in return. Your there to help the bride and groom. That means giving something! It's a wedding not a BBQ! Sorry, just my view.

I just can't understand your viewpoint. Yes, weddings are expensive but why should the guest have to pay for it? When I invite someone to the movies, out to dinner etc - I pay. Why? Since I invited them. Like others have said, don't expect someone else to pay for the cost of your wedding. To me a guest is just that - a guest.
They should not be expected to pay for themselves... when you host dinner parties, do you charge people the cost of the dinner? Just curious.

[steen33]

I think it is incredibly rude to expect an expensive gift to cover the cost of ur plate. I think any gift small or large should b appreciated. However I also think it's very rude to show up to a wedding without a gift . even a small homemade gift would be acceptable or even a card with congratulations in it. Even a piece of paper folded in half with best wishes scribbled across would b nice
Just something. For ppl to show up and not bring anything and just come for a free nite that I find very unacceptable . we did have a few ppl (some very good friend) show up with nothing but I'm also not one to say anything BC I find that rude to... I was grateful they showed up but it would of been nice to even get a card or a thank u for inviting us kind of thing. especially since we kept all our wedding cards for an album and now we have nothing from these great friends to put in from them.

[Zonny]

Personally I've never gone to a wedding empty handed, I give a gift. How much they spent on the wedding doesn't factor in at all - if they couldn't afford the wedding they planned without guests financing it, shouldn't have planned that wedding. Just my opinion of course.

My wedding was a fairly simple affair, the reception was nothing fancy, we did it at a Royal Canadian Legion. There was no filet mignon, it was turkey. My wedding cake came from Superstore (and it was fabulous btw!). We got lots of gifts, lots of cash, but it wasn't a requirement. We invited our family and friends to share our day with us, nothing further was expected. The gifts and money were lovely, fabulous, they were welcome, but they were an extra.

I guess everyone has different opinions!

[Darth Penguin]

Darth Penguin. I'm Italian. Never heard of Bride Dance. Googled it. Not an Italian thing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money_dance. I imagine guests who participate will give smaller gifts, with expectation they'll be throwing $ at the bride later?

my bad...the woman I was talking to was Italian and she's an anthropologist so I made a huge leap in logic there. We met at a funeral and had started talking about various funeral traditions before moving onto wedding traditions.

She was telling me about a medeaval tradition were after the wedding night, the bridal sheets were hung outside so the community could examine them to see if the marriage had been consumated and the bride a virgin. One legend has it that the sheets from Katherine of aragon's 2 weddings were sent to Aragon to be preserved in case there was any doubt later..

[Darth Penguin]

I just can't understand your viewpoint. Yes, weddings are expensive but why should the guest have to pay for it? When I invite someone to the movies, out to dinner etc - I pay. Why? Since I invited them. Like others have said, don't expect someone else to pay for the cost of your wedding. To me a guest is just that - a guest.
They should not be expected to pay for themselves... when you host dinner parties, do you charge people the cost of the dinner? Just curious.

Exactly...a wedding is a public celebration, possibly religious too, of 2 people announcing that they love each other and are intending to spend the rest of their lives together.

Not some bizzare dinner theatre where I''m paying to be entertained with some food thrown in.

[i_forget]

I suppose that all of the expenses that the people who attend a wedding, aside from the gift, are not a token of appreciation to the couple then?

Jeez, when my Aunt got married last year, it cost me $100 for a babysitter, $50 for parking and gas, $100 for a nice dress, $50 for shoes, $150 to get my hair and nails done, PLUS $100 gift card for them.

In total, her wedding cost me $550.....and I was not even in the wedding party.

Did I expect Lobster or Filet Minion because of all that her wedding cost ME to attend? Not at all.

Self-entitled people really need to look at the entire picture.

Unless I am a single person with no kids, walking to and wearing old jeans to your wedding, a guest incurs some expense for attending a wedding. Their attendence should be appreciated for that fact alone, not the value of their gift. If someone wants to go have a huge blowout, that is their choice, and it is rude to expect others to foot the bill for something that you planned and you invited them to.

[xox2010]

I should add that yes, you should bring a gift (however small), to acknowledge that you are thankful for being invited. I don't think it's a must but like i_forget said, people spend a lot just to attend the wedding.

[Midnightly]

Honestly, and I don't mean to be mean, but I would not want you at my wedding. If I have to pay $150-200.00 a person, and you don't even give a small gift, to me your rude, and taking advantage of the bride and groom having a free night out. I am not going to waste my hard earn money on people who would not bring anything in return. Your there to help the bride and groom. That means giving something! It's a wedding not a BBQ! Sorry, just my view.

i always thought when you go to a wedding your there to show your support of the bride and groom(the relationship) and celebrate their marriage

[Zonny]

i always thought when you go to a wedding your there to show your support of the bride and groom(the relationship) and celebrate their marriage

That was my wedding, but clearly not everyone's.

[Darth Penguin]

That was my wedding, but clearly not everyone's.

and mine and a lot of my family and friends...I've never heard about Plate Charges until 3 years ago and it was an American or Canadian thing.

[lilo0003]

and mine and a lot of my family and friends...I've never heard about Plate Charges until 3 years ago and it was an American or Canadian thing.

Me too.
Not a Canadian thing either, I have been married 19 yrs to a Brit and we had 200 people at the local community centre, needless to say most of that crowd was my side of the family. I can't tell you how much money we got, but if you gave me a gift out of love i have no doubt I know it was from you and I love it. Some of my fave things were wedding gifts. But personally I would never attend a wedding empty handed. IMO cash and gift cards are so impersonal.