I finally did what supposed to be done 9 years ago! I m free now!(family brag)

[cinpow]

We all have made decisions we regret and decisions that our families did not agree about but what I have learned throughout the years cinpow is that you only have one set of parents and I know as difficult as it is to agree with or put up with their decisions and standing by what they stand by when they will be gone, you do not get a do over. And you have little ones that will never know them either. That is a shame. They will always wonder who they were.

We all have our own personal stories and parents I think do the best they know how with what they have been raised with and some grow into some flexibility and some no wiggle room at all. Maybe if you saw your mother and show her how a great mother you are and the children how lovely and how much you would like them to know their grand-parents. She is probably still very upset about the choices you made and feels like she let you down and thinks by not having you around, she does not have to deal with the constant reminder that she let you down.

You seem to take ownership of those years and have worked hard and paid your dues. Maybe instead of waiting for her to apologize just both accept the past and all you can do is look in front towards the future. You cannot change the past but you have a say in the future.

It would be ashame to miss out of spending time with the remainder of the time your parents have because all those times that I dreaded visiting my mothers' home because since my father passed away she started drinking and we never knew what kind of state and what kind of confrontations and family gatherings and just visits were always emotional and often a mess. Now I would give anything to get those back and wish I knew to be more patient and understanding. Although I understood, and came home destroyed and would take days to recover from the visit or the phone calls I could not make out because of the alcohol or wonder if she would make it up the stairs after the calls. There is allot more to the story and years of trying to get help and intervene and discussions. They (our parents have their own pasts) that have gone through so much as well and we also need to be in the parent situation and be patient and loving and let things go. When they are gone-they are gone and you miss their huggs, their laughter, the home you grew in, the memories at the table during dinners.

You also have a sister that must miss you too and an aunt for your little ones. You should not be without your family cinpow, of courseyou will always have us here but your family is not always what we would have chosen and they say the same about us but you have done so well for yourself and your family, show the family you have changed and be patient and in time...maybe time and love will bring you back together. You will never be free, it will be a clamp around your heart that will squeeze tighter and tighter at holidays and birthdays and your children will always wonder why they never got a chance to meet or grow up with grand-parents and their aunt.

You only have one life and you are making the foundation for your little ones for follow in. This is not just between you and your parents and sister...look down the road.

We will always be here for you cinpow and the choices you made are yours but maybe now you must make ammends and own-up that you made it difficult for your parents and you are truly sorry and would like another chance. Whatever you decide we are proud of your accomplishments and what you have gone through has made you the person you are today, let them see you have not gone through that for nothing. Good luck.

thanks for the reply, but to add more detail to it...my sister who do no respect me as her older sister at all, who calls me "a , a moron...and said I have raised hell for her and the whole family",honestly I have never done her wrong in any ways, I don't know why she is like that, or may be she got overly spoiled, but sorry that is not the sister that I wanted. Me and her were never close even when as a kid. We had totally different hobbits, different likes and everything. She had always looked me down, all because she is the smarter one who gets straight As and parent are always on her side. I m not quite sure if I wanted my kids to have this kinda of aunt. you see, I did thank for my mom for taking care of me for 10 years of my life(the first 6 years my grandmom took care of me), that was why I made that phone call. I could of just totally block them out and ignore them if I wanted to without even giving a proper conclusion to the problem. for me I was very close to my grandmother who took care of me until I was 6 and until we left the country. My mom have never took care of any of my kids for more than 2 hours and barely see them, humm..may be once in two weeks. I don't see the importance of relationship between my kids and my Parent+Sister here. Of course When they are older and ask me where their grandparent are, I will tell them the truth and if they feel like going to them to pay a visit, I m fine with that too. I have no right to stop the kids from seeing them, but I really doubt that will happen. For myself, I think I m totally done here, I know the fact that they will forever be my parent and I m forever be their daughter until death. I don't think I can ever in the rest of my life accept them back and that is just the way I m, you can call me stubborn, I admit I m. oscarandme what you are trying to say here. Cherish what you have before they are gone, and make no regrets in life. but sorry I don't Cherish people who have treated me like that and the what-so-call sister that I had. I have thought the problem thou from every directions possible for the last 10 years and there is definitely no regrets here. to be honest it took me loads of confidence to have this conversation with my mom the other night. Before I had always thought may be I can just record it on tape and let her hear it herself, so I don't have to speak straight to her. I m soooo relieve after I hanged up, like a 10 tons rock just left my mind.

[cheekysaver]

Cinpow you are amazing! I am proud of you for finishing school and building your own great family. Every child is different and you are one that makes their own future happen on your own terms. I bet that secretly your parents are insanely proud of that part of you. Not fessing up and not helping you seems to push you forward and you thrive so well. Perhaps your parents understand that about you.

Anyway... You have a whole group of people right here who respect and are thankful for you being here everyday. No matter what happens with your family we are proud of your accomplishments and we are so happy to see you here every day. ~Big Hugs!~

[cinpow]

the one sad thing here was my mom did not sound like she even care much about the fact that I m cutting the line here, and will very be possible that she will never hear from me ever again. She has also agree not to contact me from that day on. She totally seems fine with it. after all is not something new, is it. during all those years that I was out, she did not bother contacting me or even trying to find out how I was doing. may be this was just a normal thing for her anyways..

[oscarandme]

That is wonderful cinpow, you have covered all your bases and have gone down every avenue. I want to be supportive and I truly am I just did not want to just say way to go and leave it at that because you are so kind and generous and always helpful on SC and we are well aware that you are reading, helping and listening and would not want any regrets and you have everything covered and are ready to move on. Well Congratulations on your decision and you know we are here for you. I am certain it took alot of courage and keep persevering and the sky is the limit. Keep reaching for those stars. Good luck.

thanks for the reply, but to add more detail to it...my sister who do no respect me as her older sister at all, who calls me "a , a moron...and said I have raised hell for her and the whole family",honestly I have never done her wrong in any ways, I don't know why she is like that, or may be she got overly spoiled, but sorry that is not the sister that I wanted. Me and her were never close even when as a kid. We had totally different hobbits, different likes and everything. She had always looked me down, all because she is the smarter one who gets straight As and parent are always on her side. I m not quite sure if I wanted my kids to have this kinda of aunt. you see, I did thank for my mom for taking care of me for 10 years of my life(the first 6 years my grandmom took care of me), that was why I made that phone call. I could of just totally block them out and ignore them if I wanted to without even giving a proper conclusion to the problem. for me I was very close to my grandmother who took care of me until I was 6 and until we left the country. My mom have never took care of any of my kids for more than 2 hours and barely see them, humm..may be once in two weeks. I don't see the importance of relationship between my kids and my Parent+Sister here. Of course When they are older and ask me where their grandparent are, I will tell them the truth and if they feel like going to them to pay a visit, I m fine with that too. I have no right to stop the kids from seeing them, but I really doubt that will happen. For myself, I think I m totally done here, I know the fact that they will forever be my parent and I m forever be their daughter until death. I don't think I can ever in the rest of my life accept them back and that is just the way I m, you can call me stubborn, I admit I m. oscarandme what you are trying to say here. Cherish what you have before they are gone, and make no regrets in life. but sorry I don't Cherish people who have treated me like that and the what-so-call sister that I had. I have thought the problem thou from every directions possible for the last 10 years and there is definitely no regrets here. to be honest it took me loads of confidence to have this conversation with my mom the other night. Before I had always thought may be I can just record it on tape and let her hear it herself, so I don't have to speak straight to her. I m soooo relieve after I hanged up, like a 10 tons rock just left my mind.

[cinpow]

That is wonderful cinpow, you have covered all your bases and have gone down every avenue. I want to be supportive and I truly am I just did not want to just say way to go and leave it at that because you are so kind and generous and always helpful on SC and we are well aware that you are reading, helping and listening and would not want any regrets and you have everything covered and are ready to move on. Well Congratulations on your decision and you know we are here for you. I am certain it took alot of courage and keep persevering and the sky is the limit. Keep reaching for those stars. Good luck.

thanks for the comment, couponing is starting to plays an important role oin my life now, not only I can benefit from cutting down my budget, but sometimes when I m feeling down, I will go to the store to doing some couponing, that actually can cheer me up somehow. of course, given it was a smooth shop...

[SharonMe]

You've lead a very difficult life and have learned to cope through and rise above adversity. I'm impressed how you've been able to go back to school without your family support. Good for you! Education is key in getting where you need to be.

Not all of us are so fortunate to be blessed to belong to families with personalities that get along but at the end of the day blood is blood. I believe your mother loves you, as a mother myself I can not imagine otherwise.
I hope one day you understand one another and can have a relationship.