I finally did what supposed to be done 9 years ago! I m free now!(family brag)

I don't want to tell my whole life time story here, so I will make it brief. Lets start when I was 16, yes, the most rebellious years and there is nothing that I will not do. I admit I was pretty bad at those teen years of my. From skipping classes, dropping outta of grade 12, constantly lying to my parent, stealing at store and got arrested.....the list goes on. My mom has high blood pressure and because of me, she almost got admitted into the hospital. Basically I was the biggest trouble maker at home! I was very unhappy and stressed at home that I went into depression. My mom took me to see the psychologist, but unfortunately even with the help, nothing was improving. One day I just blew up and say I m leaving home, I was only 17 at that time. I clearly remember my mother said to me, "Once I leave, I will never be able to come back!". But with my rebellious kind of personality that moment I didn't give a damn what she says, I m leaving!. Before I step out of the house she said to me "even you going to beg on the street , don't beg outside the house, because isn't no giving you money!" With that said I left with a few hundred dollar which I have save from pocket money over many years. My dad was the one helped me to settle at a small rental room down in the basement, monthly rent was $200. that basically left me with no more $ left for anything, not even food! At that time, I didn't have any working experience, and didn't even finish high school. How am I going to live???? No problem, nothing in my path I see will stop me, I quickly learned how to take the bus to get me to places want and got a job at Subway as a sandwich maker, later I picked up with two job at Mcdonalds and Tim Hortons. At the peek time, I was actually joggling with 4 full time jobs, yes you heard it right, 4 FULL TIME JOBS!. Now I thought back I didn't even know how I got that blast of energy from to enable me to do such thing, may be is strong will power. I did that for two years until one day I feel like I have changed and its about time, time to go home. I called my parent and ask if I can go home. Lets guess what they said! "No I can't go back", Really?! They really have kept their words! no matter what I tell them what I have went tho in the past two years, the answer is still "NO". WOW, I hang up broke down and cried(btw I was at job too at that moment). My heart was total broken. Did I mention I had a sister was always the "brain", who is always on top of the class. yes for Chinese school and marks plays a very big part. I know many parent in Chinese families who will flavor the kid who does better in school. Yes, that is what was happening even when we were very young and I can feel it. with that said my relationship even with my sister was broken. Let me finish these quick, from that day on I was out by myself for 10 years. I know I got no one but myself and I need to plan my life out. I went tho many harsh situations, starved myself to save up money for so that I can go to College.:smartass:I got myself a dipolma at end. Let me tell you for all those years my Parent have not even tried to contact me, or ask how I was doing. They just left me out like I m not their daughter anymore. In the recent years after my kids was born, I have tried to given them many chance to make it up to me and even apologize to me, but I was very wrong. I tried to be nice to them, sharing coupon, giving them stuff like I m still treating them like my parent. Yesterday, I finally has the confident to talk to my mother about everything and very sadly, she really didn't even think she was at fault at all! she even said that I have brought all those problem on myself and I shouldn't be blaming anyone for anything! Ok, so I should be blaming myself for them not letting back home? Sorry, but that don't cut the line here. So with that said, I told her there is nothing else between me and my parent and my sister anymore. I m totally finished with them, no more chance, since they don't even know about their problems, so what the point anymore. I have again became an orphan and my mom didn't even sound like she even cared if she had me as a daughter or not. so why should I cared! I still have my bf, my dd, my ds and my will power to live my own life. I have a good advise to all the Moms out there. "No Matter what the kids have done wrong, the door at home will always be open for them". Even my kids in the future became a criminal or even worst I will not keep them out like what my mom does did to me! Never!. Anyone here feel me?

I am sorry that this has happened to you. You sound like an incredibly strong and intelligent person. Any family would be lucky to have you. It is very hard no matter how old you are to feel like your family does not want you. Well I think you are better off without them You are so lucky to have your bf and children and I hope you are able to really let them go and move forward with you life.

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Originally Posted by cinpow

I still have my bf, my dd, my ds and my will power to live my own life.

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I think others have gone through what you have gone through.
Some have "adopted" others to act as their parents or grandparents, in the absence of birth parents or birth grandparents. You may already have these supportive adopted parent and adopted grandparents in your life.:-)

(((hugs)))

You touched me with incidents happened in your life, you are no more alone with your bf and kids, we all are here for you, though we don't see each other we are always here to support your step ahead. So unlucky your parents are to miss you.

You are a very strong determined person......I'm proud that you left the door open if they choose to be part of your life....but until that time you've moved on......cheers

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Originally Posted by saddlebag

You are a very strong

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Yup.
How does the song go? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn676-fLq7I

Wow, you have dealt with so much and are so strong. I am so sorry to hear about your relationship with your parents.....I can't understand parents treating their children this way, especially after how you have shown such determination in supporting yourself and getting an education :( Your parents are the ones missing out and I am sure most of us agree that you have a very supportive family here on SC ((hugs)) :)

I pray that sooner you will mend a broken heart with your parents. There are times we made mistakes, but this time around be patient and for sure your Mom will open her arms and give you a hug:flowers:
God Bless!

I'm sorry this happened to you. You sound like a strong person. It hurts when parents turn their backs on children. Were here for you. :)

so sorry -nice of you to share such a storey-you are a strong willed young woman and I give a cheer out to you we are here for you too-let me tell you about my storey my daughter got in with the wrong crowd -drank at 15 -almost lost a job-didn't like our rules at 16 (she was very out spoken -still is too)well she decided to leave home and walked to my mom's apt and stayed for 3 days -til my husband said he was going to get her and bring her back home-I was too emotional at the time-well she came back home and it was still strained for about 3 years but she always focused on school-got a degree at university and a post grad in Toronto -she moved to Toronto at 24 -and we helped her with groceries as she struggled with school loans-apt etc -now she is 31 and married last year fine young lady calls me everynight or other night -mind you we had a hard time but you get thru these things (and you don't give up on your kids)life is hard sometimes -and you sound like a great mother thank you for sharing your storey

Congrats on all that you have accomplished! You should be very proud of yourself for starting with nothing to work your way out of that to juggling 4 jobs going and getting a college education. Kudos to you, your strength, perserverance and will power. There are many positive aspects to your story so focus on that. Tis a shame your family can't see that and share in some congrats or acknowledgement. Be strong and happy with your own family, cherish them and I agree, no matter what they may do later in life the door should always be open

I also was a little wild in my teen years. Left home at 17 married young. Parents never supported me even with a really difficult divorce and raising four kids. In the end I support my parents in their elder years. As I loved them more than they could show me. Over the years other people came into my life to support me along the hard times. I am wishing the same for you. Stay strong and take care of yourself first. thanks for sharing:-)

We are here for you. YOU made it through, you have a wonderful family and you should be proud to say you did it all on your own. You persevered many people give up turn to drugs etc. Don't let others view of you make you see yourself in that light. You have made a life for your self no one an takr that away from you!

We all have made decisions we regret and decisions that our families did not agree about but what I have learned throughout the years cinpow is that you only have one set of parents and I know as difficult as it is to agree with or put up with their decisions and standing by what they stand by when they will be gone, you do not get a do over. And you have little ones that will never know them either. That is a shame. They will always wonder who they were.

We all have our own personal stories and parents I think do the best they know how with what they have been raised with and some grow into some flexibility and some no wiggle room at all. Maybe if you saw your mother and show her how a great mother you are and the children how lovely and how much you would like them to know their grand-parents. She is probably still very upset about the choices you made and feels like she let you down and thinks by not having you around, she does not have to deal with the constant reminder that she let you down.

You seem to take ownership of those years and have worked hard and paid your dues. Maybe instead of waiting for her to apologize just both accept the past and all you can do is look in front towards the future. You cannot change the past but you have a say in the future.

It would be ashame to miss out of spending time with the remainder of the time your parents have because all those times that I dreaded visiting my mothers' home because since my father passed away she started drinking and we never knew what kind of state and what kind of confrontations and family gatherings and just visits were always emotional and often a mess. Now I would give anything to get those back and wish I knew to be more patient and understanding. Although I understood, and came home destroyed and would take days to recover from the visit or the phone calls I could not make out because of the alcohol or wonder if she would make it up the stairs after the calls. There is allot more to the story and years of trying to get help and intervene and discussions. They (our parents have their own pasts) that have gone through so much as well and we also need to be in the parent situation and be patient and loving and let things go. When they are gone-they are gone and you miss their huggs, their laughter, the home you grew in, the memories at the table during dinners.

You also have a sister that must miss you too and an aunt for your little ones. You should not be without your family cinpow, of courseyou will always have us here but your family is not always what we would have chosen and they say the same about us but you have done so well for yourself and your family, show the family you have changed and be patient and in time...maybe time and love will bring you back together. You will never be free, it will be a clamp around your heart that will squeeze tighter and tighter at holidays and birthdays and your children will always wonder why they never got a chance to meet or grow up with grand-parents and their aunt.

You only have one life and you are making the foundation for your little ones for follow in. This is not just between you and your parents and sister...look down the road.

We will always be here for you cinpow and the choices you made are yours but maybe now you must make ammends and own-up that you made it difficult for your parents and you are truly sorry and would like another chance. Whatever you decide we are proud of your accomplishments and what you have gone through has made you the person you are today, let them see you have not gone through that for nothing. Good luck.

We all have our stories and parents aren't really fair with all the kids. It hurts but you made your life and should be proud of it. Live your life as you want. If parents don't want to see or get to know their grandkids, it is their loss. Families aren't just the blood relatives, they can be created with people who stick with you and go to places for you.