Cranky Alert!

[OgresWife]

So, some of you may have seen my previous rant about the curve balls life has thrown my way in 2014. Still dealing with those, but this rant is semi related.

My sister (pregnant by messing up her BC and I'm still trying to come to terms with her being pregnant and not me) has a chance to go spend a day working in the field she wants to build a career in. She tried getting the day off of work but she couldn't. My mother asked me if I would be willing to take her shift for her because this is an amazing opportunity for her. I'm mad and hurt by this request.

From my point of view it feels like this: I'm still hurting from her huge mess up, and my mother asks me to cover for her to explore a big opportunity for her. I did tell my sister to try and get someone else to take it, and if not I would be her last resort. Shes asked one person and they gave her a maybe. The shift is tomorrow.

I'm so mad and hurt by my mother, on Mothers Day weekend.

[dizzyb]

My post may invoke a host of unpleasant responses, but I feel compelled to respond. Please understand that I am not at all trying to create an argument. I admit that I have not read your previous post, so I lack some background information.

It's very easy (and natural) for us to be consumed by our own troubles. No one is free from problems: they come in so many forms and degrees. How we deal with them is key. We can be so focused on what we don't have that we miss all of the wonderful blessings that we DO have. We start to resent people who have what we want, ignoring that these same people also have their own troubles and broken dreams (often kept silent). We forget that others also look at those things that we take for granted, wishing that they could have them.

From what I have read here, I don't think that anyone involved is deliberately trying to hurt you.

How we deal with what life throws at us is crucial. You might find that helping your sister can provide you with great joy, as you can have a positive impact on her life. Naturally, if the approach is with reluctance or resentment, the benefit to you would be negligible. Let's look at it this way: What would you want her to do for you, if you were in her situation?

[Shwa Girl]

My mother asked me if I would be willing to take her shift for her because this is an amazing opportunity for her. I'm mad and hurt by this request.

Just wondering, if it is o.k. to say, but do you, your mother and your sister work at the same place? Thx.

[Minou]

It's unlikely that your sister will be launching a career in her chosen career soon -- if she ever does. Unexpected babies have a way of messing up plans. I'm not sure that I'd be hurt by this particular request if in your position, as it's really not baby-related. This "career day" opportunity doesn't mean that your sister is now getting everything. Now, if your mother and sister were telling you to buy clothes, formula, food, toys, baby equipment, etc. to "help out" your sister in her difficult situation, to babysit all the time to allow your sister to launch her career or pursue her interests or time to herself, to plan an elaborate shower for 100 guests at a fancy hotel, or to put up with mom-to-be-zilla behaviour from your sister because of her "delicate condition", those would be requests that might be insensitive to your situation. This sounds like a request that might have happened even if your sister hadn't been pregnant. It's irksome, but remember that you'll never get the grandparent-to-be to side with you and reject the source of the soon-to-be grandchild. Remember that it isn't your mother's or sister's fault that you're having difficulty conceiving. Your mother is likely sympathetic to your situation, but she's also looking forward to the grandchild's arrival. As hard as it may be, try to focus on the things you get to do that your sister can't or soon won't be able to. Think about things that you could do to make your life better. Take up a new interest, take a course, or pick up something that you used to enjoy. As I read on a Lululemon bag someone had at lunch yesterday, "Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to". Don't hurt yourself!

[Chantel]

I think you might need to step back and ask yourself if your mother had asked you to take your sister's shift and your sister WASN'T pregnant, would you still be upset? I very much doubt so. It sounds like subconsciously you want to punish her for being pregnant when you aren't because you feel you deserve it and she doesn't. Which isn't unusual, but don't let that consume you.

You seem to resent her for being able to have a baby she didn't plan when you've been trying so hard for one. And that's understandable to feel that way, but don't resent HER or her baby for it. She didn't get pregnant to hurt you. If anything, it's hurting her considering it was a "screwup" as you say, and her boyfriend isn't at all supportive, and it will hurt her even more if she can't provide for her child, so it IS important not to let opportunities slip away.

Take a breath and remember that just because she's pregnant doesn't mean you can't ever be. Her having this kid isn't a trade off for you having one.

Have you looked into talking to someone about managing your stress? It seems like you have a lot on your shoulders and it might really help to have an unbiased third party with real training to help you sort through it.

[Ciel]

It's the sister's decision to follow or not this supposed opportunity. I get OP's POV. Too much insensitivity is coming from the other family members of late. Sorry OP Mom's is very much out to lunch on this matter.

If I was the boss at this workplace offering the opportunity, I'd come down on the employee if she sent someone else in her place without prior communication AND permission to do so. There's a matter of impersonating someone else along with the potential legal ramifications (safety/training/following workplace rules/procedures). $$$$ to be made for lawyers.