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Thread: Am I a horrible person???

  1. #1
    searching for answers i_forget's Avatar
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    My parents divorced when I was 13. My dad's parents pretty much disowned my brother and I at that point in time.
    When my dad died 7 years ago, I attempted to make ammends with my Grandparents. For a few years we had uncomfortable and sporatic visits. A couple of years ago my Grandmother was sick and hospitalized. I went to visit her and she asked about my kids dad and I and I told her that we split up. After that phone calls went unanswered, I was disowned again.

    I was just on facebook and a family member posted that my Grandmother had died over a week ago.

    I am sitting here, indifferent about her death. A tad annoyed that I found out via facebook, but not really upset that she passed. Thinking about things, I am wondering if I should be crying right now. Am I a horrible person for being indifferent?
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    Mastermind Shwa Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by i_forget View Post
    I was just on facebook and a family member posted that my Grandmother had died over a week ago.
    If you did not go to FaceBook, would you have known about her passing?
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    🌙✨ Candini's Avatar
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    You are defiantly not a horrible person. I suspect the emotions are missing since your relationship wasn`t that strong.
    Sorry to hear you found out via Facebook.
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    I love The Script! Tinkerbella's Avatar
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    Not at all. My Father has never been a part of my life, and when he dies, I likely will not feel much of anything. I know I am not a bad person. You cannot feel emotionally attached to a person when they have neglected you your entire life.
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    Mastermind Shwa Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shwa Girl View Post
    If you did not go to FaceBook, would you have known about her passing?
    I ask because usually someone in the family does all the notifications and invitations to the funeral or celebration of life meeting etc?

    Just wondered if anybody wrote or called you?
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    🌙✨ Candini's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tinkerbella View Post
    Not at all. My Father has never been a part of my life, and when he dies, I likely will not feel much of anything. I know I am not a bad person. You cannot feel emotionally attached to a person when they have neglected you your entire life.

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    searching for answers i_forget's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shwa Girl View Post
    I ask because usually someone in the family does all the notifications and invitations to the funeral or celebration of life meeting etc?

    Just wondered if anybody wrote or called you?
    No, I would not have known. When my uncle passed, they disowned my other two cousins. It is the way they are. I just think it would have been decent to find out in a way that was not facebook. I am very busy, but I always make a point to tell people significant news in a more personal manner.
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    Mastermind Shwa Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by i_forget View Post
    No, I would not have known. When my uncle passed, they disowned my other two cousins. It is the way they are. I just think it would have been decent to find out in a way that was not facebook. I am very busy, but I always make a point to tell people significant news in a more personal manner.
    Thanks for answering.
    If it makes you feel better, you can go and pay your respects, when others are gone.
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    Smart Canuck
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    well said.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tinkerbella View Post
    Not at all. My Father has never been a part of my life, and when he dies, I likely will not feel much of anything. I know I am not a bad person. You cannot feel emotionally attached to a person when they have neglected you your entire life.
    i_forget and momi like this.

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    Smart Canuck luckbealady's Avatar
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    No - the horrible people are the ones that believe love is conditional on you living up to their biased expectations.

    You can be sorry about the fact that someone you knew died; you can be disappointed that your relations with that person were not what they could have been (even though you did try); but that doesn't mean you need to be sad that someone you barely knew, and who couldn't be bothered to support you, has passed away.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tinkerbella View Post
    Not at all. My Father has never been a part of my life, and when he dies, I likely will not feel much of anything. I know I am not a bad person. You cannot feel emotionally attached to a person when they have neglected you your entire life.
    I could have written this word for word.

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    It sounds like you might be numbing your emotions, rather than actually being indifferent. That's a natural defence mechanism for someone who has been deeply hurt and rejected - especially over and over again as you have. On top of everything else, the last thing you should be doing is blaming yourself for not feeling the "right" thing!
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    Canadian Genius wolfwoman's Avatar
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    You are not a bad person at all. I found out on Facebook that my biological father had passed in December and I was totally indifferent to it. Don't feel bad about not feeling bad.
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    Quote Originally Posted by luckbealady View Post
    No - the horrible people are the ones that believe love is conditional on you living up to their biased expectations.

    You can be sorry about the fact that someone you knew died; you can be disappointed that your relations with that person were not what they could have been (even though you did try); but that doesn't mean you need to be sad that someone you barely knew, and who couldn't be bothered to support you, has passed away.
    This is exactly what I would have said to you.
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    Mastermind Natalka's Avatar
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    ^ +2

    You may have emotions come up later, but for now, just take things as they are.
    I'm sorry you had these awful family dynamics.
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